20-11-2016, 05:09 AM
Wow poly, sounds like you have some deep soul searching to do. If it helps, I went through similar, and still question myself at times. I started with the curiosity of wanting breasts, which developed into desire to feminize myself a bit, which pushed further into whether or not I could be passable to, finding that I was pleased with the results.
I took a complete month off of everything in August of this year. During this time, I did not have any strong urge or desire to return. I was for the most part fine. About 2.5 weeks in, old bad habits started to come back, which I did not like. I found that I did not like old me, I did not like old me at all. I liked the mental changes that had been brought about from NBE. Still, if i had so chosen, I could have remained off of NBE and for the most part continued to be mostly okay, except for the bad habits part.
It was after my month off, I started HRT, it took about 2-2.5 weeks for my mental state to return close to where I was at on NBE. Things were finally balanced in my life again. I was happy with myself and the mental stability I had regained. I know a lot of people fear HRT that it will force them to transition fully. Currently, I am still not at that point. I am quite content where I am at mentally and emotionally. I still have no desire to go through SRS. Granted that is my current feelings, I am open to the idea that in the future, I could possibly change my mind and pursue SRS.
Not sure if any of that helps, but I do wish you the best of luck in sorting things out. Do what you need to, and hopefully the right decision will present itself.
I took a complete month off of everything in August of this year. During this time, I did not have any strong urge or desire to return. I was for the most part fine. About 2.5 weeks in, old bad habits started to come back, which I did not like. I found that I did not like old me, I did not like old me at all. I liked the mental changes that had been brought about from NBE. Still, if i had so chosen, I could have remained off of NBE and for the most part continued to be mostly okay, except for the bad habits part.
It was after my month off, I started HRT, it took about 2-2.5 weeks for my mental state to return close to where I was at on NBE. Things were finally balanced in my life again. I was happy with myself and the mental stability I had regained. I know a lot of people fear HRT that it will force them to transition fully. Currently, I am still not at that point. I am quite content where I am at mentally and emotionally. I still have no desire to go through SRS. Granted that is my current feelings, I am open to the idea that in the future, I could possibly change my mind and pursue SRS.
Not sure if any of that helps, but I do wish you the best of luck in sorting things out. Do what you need to, and hopefully the right decision will present itself.