[Pinnochia]

Hi Pinnochia,

Glad my comments sort of made sense, the people closest to me who I felt able to deal with things know about what I am doing and having their support means a lot, I guess I have kind of put off dealing with the people who will be more negative and more difficult to bring around for some point in the future.

I really difficult issue for me at present is an ex colleague I who I am really close to as in we have a pseudo brotherly sort of bond or at least did. I dont think would understand at all why I am doing this. He even made jokes about my gender identity and sexuality from the colour shirts I would wear and the fact I am reasonably competent in the kitchen. Although he was only joking, I think deep down he associates gender identity and sexuality way too closely. I dont think he would understand that the changes arent to do with sexuality (in fact I think I am pretty much asexual) but I am doing this because it is who I really am and identify as.

Who I am now still likes a lot of and does the same things as before, but takes much better care of her appearance and health and is a lot friendlier towards people in general and definately smiles a lot more. I guess a lot of my positive traits were female even when male, so I just feel like I am giving up the negative ones. The new me is different but is essentially the same person who I have always been, it would be easier people were more accepting but in some ways that is one of the hardest challenges on the journey.

I guess for those close to you they either accept things or you have to cut them out of your life if they dont or cant. But I do wish the choice didnt feel like such a binary one.

Sorry if this is rambling - that is one bad trait I have developed over the past few months!

Megan

No apology needed, we all ramble,, its healthy..,only one thing id add, i try not to see my characteristics as male or female,, i dont always succeed,,but i try.
To me,, Its good and bad stuff in us not male or female,, ive known very maternal kind understanding men, that were very manly when the situation called for it. Ive also known men that used their maleness like a weapon, were callous and overly forceful people insensitive ,, and they enjoyed subjugating others male or female.

I learned a lot of harshness from my father,, and very good qualities from my mother,, Ive had incidents in my life that called for both,, so im glad i learned from my father,, i just dont want those things to control and damage my life, and other lives around me like his habits nearly destroyed his. Your a nice person you seem to have your heart in the right place bud,, you,ve got half the battle won already,, lol just stay the same and life will take you where your suppossed to be,, i really believe that. i hope you have a good evening.