10-02-2016, 05:52 PM
I was in two minds on whether to post this. But as I think is relevant to a few other posters here, here we go.
I have posted before on my GD, I have felt "wrong" for as long as I can remember. Rightly or not, those feeling I have largely been able to bury and keep a cap on. That is untill around three years ago ( after 25 years of marriage ) I finally had to tell my wife. After dealing with the expected fallout from that ( to say she was not happy is an understatement ), life went on. She allowed me ( reluctantly ) to obtain some clothes , and eventually I joined a transgender support group. Now is where it gets sticky, the last few months the call of transitioning has been getting stronger. I have not been sleeping, the noise in my head keeps getting more insistent . In a never ending circle is goes around and around why I must, why I cannot, the loss of my wife, my family my friends , my job. This came to a crunch last Friday, on the way to work some goon pulled out in oncoming traffic , and I just shut my eyes. They ended up having to pass me on the gravel shoulder ( on my side ). All morning at work I planned that today, I'm going to put an end to the noise, to the deep depression I find my self in. Once I decided that it's time to end this, the noise went and I felt a lot calmer. After work, I took my self to the hospital and asked to see a crisis worker, as my mind is in a bad place and I am a danger to my self.
After a consultation a doctor gave me some medication to help me sleep and take the edge of the noise. I also have an appointment with a gender identity psychiatrist.
Life goes on, the struggle continues.
I have posted before on my GD, I have felt "wrong" for as long as I can remember. Rightly or not, those feeling I have largely been able to bury and keep a cap on. That is untill around three years ago ( after 25 years of marriage ) I finally had to tell my wife. After dealing with the expected fallout from that ( to say she was not happy is an understatement ), life went on. She allowed me ( reluctantly ) to obtain some clothes , and eventually I joined a transgender support group. Now is where it gets sticky, the last few months the call of transitioning has been getting stronger. I have not been sleeping, the noise in my head keeps getting more insistent . In a never ending circle is goes around and around why I must, why I cannot, the loss of my wife, my family my friends , my job. This came to a crunch last Friday, on the way to work some goon pulled out in oncoming traffic , and I just shut my eyes. They ended up having to pass me on the gravel shoulder ( on my side ). All morning at work I planned that today, I'm going to put an end to the noise, to the deep depression I find my self in. Once I decided that it's time to end this, the noise went and I felt a lot calmer. After work, I took my self to the hospital and asked to see a crisis worker, as my mind is in a bad place and I am a danger to my self.
After a consultation a doctor gave me some medication to help me sleep and take the edge of the noise. I also have an appointment with a gender identity psychiatrist.
Life goes on, the struggle continues.