[rachel-rache]

Dana, when I first started getting into my transition, I had the same emotions for about 6 months before I decided that I really wanted this. I did the same as you, thinking I was a cross dresser and tried it and later feeling disgusted like it was freaky. I then begin to think about herbs, then ordering hormones. Then going back to getting rid of them. Eventually, the disgust starting getting less as I started to understand what my goals were going to be. One day, the disgust didn't come back and I decided to go all the way.

I feel like I'm in a similar boat as you pre-hormones. Since you're on synthetics, what did your gender therapist say? What does he/she ask/do to determine that you're eligible. I'm trying to see one as soon as I get a new health insurance. I wonder if growing out my hair (goes down to my nipple with some curls), getting it permed (although some completely cis guys may do it), and putting on some clear varnish on my fingers count for anything, and the fact that I think of wishing I was more feminine like all the time, except sometimes when I'm actually out in public thinking about how awkward and out of place I'd feel if I did try to transition.