[aroundthebend]

Hello Dana, I've read this discussion with considerable interest since I find myself in similar circumstances. I too have been lurking here for a while and going back and forth with feminizing for years.

I've tried many of the same things you have including lots of hypnosis, some CD, etc. but in the end I would get frustrated with the fantasy element of it. I kept wanting something more, something real as in real alteration.

But then I would hit a wall and have a 'what the hell am I doing?' moment and quit feminization forever (hah!). I've noticed that lately these 'forever' intervals have been shorter and shorter.

One question that helped clarify things for me is the deserted island scenario as in: If you were alone on a deserted island would you alter your body and become more female? When put this way my answer is a clear 'hell yes I would!'. I would absolutely grow breasts, nice C cups too. My doubts and guilt about it has much more to do with society's expectations then my desires.

But even on the proverbial deserted island I wouldn't fully transition. I didn't take the gender test yet (the popups didn't work for me) but I'm sure I would fall somewhere in the middle. I'm very much a mix of male and female parts, but I've only come to fully realize this and accept it in the past few years.

NBE has been good for me so far. I'm just 6 weeks in so the changes haven't been so much that they're obvious to others but they're very noticeable to me. My goal is a modest B-cup along with lots of hair removal. I'd like to present as male but more androgynous. Hopefully that will give me peace and respite from the gender confusion I've felt for so long. Time will tell.

Hope this helps. Keep us updated please.