[sfem]

Dana, it sounds like you have already done a lot of the research and are quite knowledgeable. I am guessing you also already know that therapy may well be something that could help, but I see your comment about being able to afford it. I'm not sure what else there is. The thing about losing motivation after orgasm is quite common among people who aren't subscribers to the gender binary model. I suppose you don't have the faith in yourself to simply accept that the gender binary is a myth and there is nothing wrong with you? That you can enjoy the things that make you happy, and that they don't have to be consistently at one end of the spectrum or the other? You can enjoy feeling fem or looking fem and then enjoy feeling masculine. You don't actually have to pick one or the other. If you truly feel driven to pick one, then therapy is probably the only avenue to help you find acceptance of yourself. Whether that is professional therapy, or meditation, or whatever I cannot say. Everyone is unique.