16-07-2015, 03:46 PM
Miranda, thanks for engaging in this discussion. Writing down one's ideas has a way of clarifying nagging issues. I have another area of concern that you may find relevant in your circumstances. Societal validation.
Gender transition starts off being all about making one's external appearance match one's internal self-concept. It's certainly a huge part of anyone's transition and very difficult to do. We spend 90% of our time and resources focusing on the physical transformative aspects of transition. But, after awhile the emphasis shifts more to our relationships with others; people that are special in our lives as well as total strangers.
The challenge that I'm facing now concerns what I call 'societal validation.' Being accepted by the society in which I live my life day in and day out. Some will criticize me for reinforcing society's binary gender paradigm (you're either a man or a woman), but that's too bad. I'm a woman, identify as a woman, and I want others to see me as a woman.
That doesn't mean that there isn't room for those who are in the middle, bouncing between male and female genders, or presenting an ambiguous gender identity. Like I said, I have lots of male friends that like to express their feminine side by cross-dressing as the need and opportunity arise. This is who they are.
I'm entering the phase of my transition where I want to be seen and treated as a woman. My 'girl' friends don't really understand this, and still treat me like I'm a guy in a dress. There's no intention on their part to make me feel uncomfortable, it's just who they are, and not being women, themselves, they aren't sensitive to how I feel. I know this is true, because if a GG is in our midst, they will change their demeanor toward her very noticeably. It's very easy to see that many of my TG friends are men first and foremost. Putting on makeup and a dress does not make them women, and, by and large, they are fine with that. It's becoming a problem for me because the effect it has is to make me feel invalidated in their presence.
I'm finding myself avoiding social occasions where this dynamic is likely to play out. When someone like me who wants to be seen and treated like a female, hangs with male-identifying CDers in a public setting (e.g., restaurant, shopping mall, nightclub, etc.) I become someone who I don't want to be in the eyes of strangers. In those situations, no matter how good my presentation, I'm tagged as a male CDer myself.
It isn't that I object to their gender identity and how they wish to express it. It's that my gender identity is then misinterpreted by strangers; I become someone I'm not. Believe me, it does make a difference in the way people interact with me depending on if they read me as TG or GG. It serves to remind me of the limitations I face in blending seamlessly into the cisgender world which is my goal.
To be criticized for wanting to blend, and in so doing reinforcing the binary gender model of society, is to deny my right to be myself for the sake of others who would dismantle that model. I can't accept that criticism as being any more valid than my expecting my CD friends to transition to be more like me to preserve the binary model.
The answer is to simply move on. It's an aspect of gender transitioning like so many other challenges that we have to confront.
The transgender umbrella has been defined too broadly for us all to embrace a common cause. It seems there is too wide a gap between transsexuals and other transgender people. Attempts to lump us all together along with gay people into a single advocacy group is problematic, in my opinion. I predict it will splinter into two or more separate entities.
Clara
Gender transition starts off being all about making one's external appearance match one's internal self-concept. It's certainly a huge part of anyone's transition and very difficult to do. We spend 90% of our time and resources focusing on the physical transformative aspects of transition. But, after awhile the emphasis shifts more to our relationships with others; people that are special in our lives as well as total strangers.
The challenge that I'm facing now concerns what I call 'societal validation.' Being accepted by the society in which I live my life day in and day out. Some will criticize me for reinforcing society's binary gender paradigm (you're either a man or a woman), but that's too bad. I'm a woman, identify as a woman, and I want others to see me as a woman.
That doesn't mean that there isn't room for those who are in the middle, bouncing between male and female genders, or presenting an ambiguous gender identity. Like I said, I have lots of male friends that like to express their feminine side by cross-dressing as the need and opportunity arise. This is who they are.
I'm entering the phase of my transition where I want to be seen and treated as a woman. My 'girl' friends don't really understand this, and still treat me like I'm a guy in a dress. There's no intention on their part to make me feel uncomfortable, it's just who they are, and not being women, themselves, they aren't sensitive to how I feel. I know this is true, because if a GG is in our midst, they will change their demeanor toward her very noticeably. It's very easy to see that many of my TG friends are men first and foremost. Putting on makeup and a dress does not make them women, and, by and large, they are fine with that. It's becoming a problem for me because the effect it has is to make me feel invalidated in their presence.
I'm finding myself avoiding social occasions where this dynamic is likely to play out. When someone like me who wants to be seen and treated like a female, hangs with male-identifying CDers in a public setting (e.g., restaurant, shopping mall, nightclub, etc.) I become someone who I don't want to be in the eyes of strangers. In those situations, no matter how good my presentation, I'm tagged as a male CDer myself.
It isn't that I object to their gender identity and how they wish to express it. It's that my gender identity is then misinterpreted by strangers; I become someone I'm not. Believe me, it does make a difference in the way people interact with me depending on if they read me as TG or GG. It serves to remind me of the limitations I face in blending seamlessly into the cisgender world which is my goal.
To be criticized for wanting to blend, and in so doing reinforcing the binary gender model of society, is to deny my right to be myself for the sake of others who would dismantle that model. I can't accept that criticism as being any more valid than my expecting my CD friends to transition to be more like me to preserve the binary model.
The answer is to simply move on. It's an aspect of gender transitioning like so many other challenges that we have to confront.
The transgender umbrella has been defined too broadly for us all to embrace a common cause. It seems there is too wide a gap between transsexuals and other transgender people. Attempts to lump us all together along with gay people into a single advocacy group is problematic, in my opinion. I predict it will splinter into two or more separate entities.
Clara