16-07-2015, 12:37 AM
(This post was last modified: 16-07-2015, 02:23 PM by Miranda-nata-est.)
Hey Clara,
Maybe I am not quite as far behind you as I had thought.
I recognise exactly the stage you describe. There is a certainty and clarity now which was only hinted at before during my fumbling early steps of fear and uncertainty and which suddenly took hold in my conciousness. As you describe, it is a defining point at which you realise, at last, exactly who you are.
This is not to say this is the end of it though. My Psychotherapist has assured me that I am as yet a mere child on the way to becoming a fully fledged woman. She expressed the view that I would, as do most who journey towards full womanhood, undergo a period of adolescence and exhibit a large number of the traits normally associated with girls in their teens as I develop a style of my own and find my place in the female hierarchy. Vivien was delighted to hear this, that she might have again to put up with a girl displaying teenage characteristics in the house ... (Well, I think she meant she was delighted when she said 'Oh, Bloody Hell,... not really?
).
If you lived here in England, I would predict that your re-union would be a great success - I hope that the same applies in the circles within the US that you frequent. It is a big step, but I agree, one to be embraced and not shied away from.
I have a fairly big wedding to attend in September, a lot of people I haven't seen for some years will be there. I too am actually looking forward to it. There will be questions to answer and explanations to be made I am sure, but ultimately I am regarding it as just another social event.
Other indications that you have reached this stage include things such as... you don't really think about your gender when out and about. You walk into shops, fill the car with diesel, go out to the pub, just do all the normal day to day stuff without thinking all the time 'I am a girl doing this'. Life just gets into a routine in which you unthinkingly assume your natural role. You collect the grand-children from school, take them to the beach etc - it is all just normal. (Well OK, swimming is a bit of a tricky one just yet - roll on the GCS). You find yourself interacting as a female with the rest of the world without much thought of how you reached this point. In short, living as a female just becomes the norm - in fact, so much the norm that you are no longer 'living as a female' you are just living.
I have most of these things in place although there is still much to learn for me in my relationship with other males. I am finding this one is a bit tricky anyway (mainly because I can remember the disquiet I would have felt if the places were reversed and I was them and they were me; this is particularly true if out somewhere in public) but it is complicated even further as I am still trying to work out where my sexuality is going to finally lie. I used to be predominantly attracted to females but very occasionally could find myself fancying a particularly attractive male. This balance seems to be shifting a bit and I am a bit unsure where it will finally end up. I think it likely that I will end up a Bi-Female and that seems a pretty good compromise to me!! I have always believed that interaction of any kind between the sexes usually involves a hint of sexual posturing and I have still to learn how to deal with all this!!
The tipping point for me came a couple of weeks ago, I know pretty much when it occurred and why. It was after I had successfully managed to resolve the issues I had in my mind about my future appearance and the implications of living in a body which would still be discernible to some degree as male on the outside. With that clear in my head, nothing else is there on the horizon as a potential problem. That means my transition is complete mentally (as far as I can tell), now there just remain some practical matters to sort out and a lot of learning about myself still to do. The various surgeries that I will be undertaking will be closure steps along the way. The path is absolutely clear and the destination now certain. It will still take time and effort to get to the end of this, but I now see it as a downhill leg towards the finish line.
Its a bit sad in a way (understated, once again). I get the feeling that a group of us are sort of coming towards a point where we will go our separate ways - a group with whom we have shared quite a lot of our innermost thoughts and secrets. It is a bit like a nest of fledglings who are rapidly gaining their flight feathers. You just know that one day soon, we will fly the nest which has supported and nurtured us for a protracted period, through some pretty dramatic and difficult days. Yet, to grow and mature fully, we must spread our wings and find our place in the world outside.
I Bloody HATE endings with a passion like you wouldn't believe, they really, really get to me!!! I hope it doesn't happen just yet.
Miranda
Maybe I am not quite as far behind you as I had thought.
I recognise exactly the stage you describe. There is a certainty and clarity now which was only hinted at before during my fumbling early steps of fear and uncertainty and which suddenly took hold in my conciousness. As you describe, it is a defining point at which you realise, at last, exactly who you are.
This is not to say this is the end of it though. My Psychotherapist has assured me that I am as yet a mere child on the way to becoming a fully fledged woman. She expressed the view that I would, as do most who journey towards full womanhood, undergo a period of adolescence and exhibit a large number of the traits normally associated with girls in their teens as I develop a style of my own and find my place in the female hierarchy. Vivien was delighted to hear this, that she might have again to put up with a girl displaying teenage characteristics in the house ... (Well, I think she meant she was delighted when she said 'Oh, Bloody Hell,... not really?
).If you lived here in England, I would predict that your re-union would be a great success - I hope that the same applies in the circles within the US that you frequent. It is a big step, but I agree, one to be embraced and not shied away from.
I have a fairly big wedding to attend in September, a lot of people I haven't seen for some years will be there. I too am actually looking forward to it. There will be questions to answer and explanations to be made I am sure, but ultimately I am regarding it as just another social event.
Other indications that you have reached this stage include things such as... you don't really think about your gender when out and about. You walk into shops, fill the car with diesel, go out to the pub, just do all the normal day to day stuff without thinking all the time 'I am a girl doing this'. Life just gets into a routine in which you unthinkingly assume your natural role. You collect the grand-children from school, take them to the beach etc - it is all just normal. (Well OK, swimming is a bit of a tricky one just yet - roll on the GCS
). You find yourself interacting as a female with the rest of the world without much thought of how you reached this point. In short, living as a female just becomes the norm - in fact, so much the norm that you are no longer 'living as a female' you are just living. I have most of these things in place although there is still much to learn for me in my relationship with other males. I am finding this one is a bit tricky anyway (mainly because I can remember the disquiet I would have felt if the places were reversed and I was them and they were me; this is particularly true if out somewhere in public) but it is complicated even further as I am still trying to work out where my sexuality is going to finally lie. I used to be predominantly attracted to females but very occasionally could find myself fancying a particularly attractive male. This balance seems to be shifting a bit and I am a bit unsure where it will finally end up. I think it likely that I will end up a Bi-Female and that seems a pretty good compromise to me!! I have always believed that interaction of any kind between the sexes usually involves a hint of sexual posturing and I have still to learn how to deal with all this!!
The tipping point for me came a couple of weeks ago, I know pretty much when it occurred and why. It was after I had successfully managed to resolve the issues I had in my mind about my future appearance and the implications of living in a body which would still be discernible to some degree as male on the outside. With that clear in my head, nothing else is there on the horizon as a potential problem. That means my transition is complete mentally (as far as I can tell), now there just remain some practical matters to sort out and a lot of learning about myself still to do. The various surgeries that I will be undertaking will be closure steps along the way. The path is absolutely clear and the destination now certain. It will still take time and effort to get to the end of this, but I now see it as a downhill leg towards the finish line.
Its a bit sad in a way (understated, once again). I get the feeling that a group of us are sort of coming towards a point where we will go our separate ways - a group with whom we have shared quite a lot of our innermost thoughts and secrets. It is a bit like a nest of fledglings who are rapidly gaining their flight feathers. You just know that one day soon, we will fly the nest which has supported and nurtured us for a protracted period, through some pretty dramatic and difficult days. Yet, to grow and mature fully, we must spread our wings and find our place in the world outside.
I Bloody HATE endings with a passion like you wouldn't believe, they really, really get to me!!! I hope it doesn't happen just yet.
Miranda