[ElainMoria]

This outcome is what those who have experienced the same phenomenon call the "slippery slope" or the "pink fog". It is real. And it's why people are cautioned about messing with their hormones. It doesn't effect everyone. You have to fall substantially to the female side of the gender spectrum for it to have any effect. If your gender falls more to the male end, flipping one's hormone balance will not push you into the fog, but it can produce the opposite effect -- mental discord. This is, in fact, the way gender therapists diagnose a patient as being transsexual or not.

Transsexual women are women who, like all women, can express their male side freely. Could this be the source of the friction between these two disparate trans groups?

Clara

It's interesting that you mention the Pink Fog aspect. As I think everyone here in the GM section knows by now I have stopped taking the herbals and gone to full synthetics in my process to transition. One of the things I find myself still struggling with is being out in public. I have always been most comfortable in jeans (or khaki shorts) and a t-shirt.

Now more than 4 months into full on HRT I find an odd shift going on between my ears. I look at myself in the mirror and I want to look good. I want clothing that fits, not clothing that is loose. I painted my nails and now every time I catch a glimpse of my hands in the mirror I no longer hate what I see. I have actually stopped and enjoyed the feminine look of my hands.

As my breasts develop I find myself looking in the mirror, wanting to see if their shape and form is noticeable. Not because I want to hide them.. but because as they develop I find myself more and more satisfied with my body. Things are starting to FEEL right. My mental shift and attitudes are finally aligning with my internal sense of who I am.

I wasn't really a 'gentle' boy growing up. I was the outcast. The geek. The kid who's IQ was so high that the teachers couldn't understand why I got D's and F's when I was capable of straight A's without any real effort. I was the kid who preferred to be alone. Who would skip school to go fishing rather than have to be around my teachers and classmates. I was the loner. I was hiding from everyone, myself included, even then.

I cross dressed in my childhood, though I hid that from EVERYONE. When I hit adulthood I only did that on rare occasions and always felt great while doing it but the guilt I would feel after... would throw me off for months, sometimes for years.

It really took coming to BN for me to start understanding what was really going on with me. And like you Clara.. as the estrogen begins to take a dominant hold in my body.. my mental 'view' is shifting and aligning to the real me and for the first time in my life I am starting to be happy with myself. I am still very dysphoric, especially where my beard and body hair is concerned but those are things I can work on and correct.

For me.. I am starting to think I have entered the "Pink Fog" part of my transition and it makes me very happy indeed. Now if I could just make my breasts grow to their proper size over night and make the area under my nipples stop hurting so much I would be ecstatic lol.

~Elain