[Miranda-nata-est]

Miranda,

We do see the world in much the same light. Our trans evolutions also match up pretty well.

I had sort of noticed that also which is one of the reasons I follow your postings with interest.


Being late transitioning transsexuals puts us, Miranda, in a rather exclusive club of our own. What is it like to live in two genders -- to see the world through the eyes of a man and later as a woman? Some would object and argue that your gender cannot change. If you are a transsexual woman, you were always a woman, never a man. I see it differently.

I am certain your theory is true. I have had this discussion many times with friends and have always maintained that it is a great privilige in many ways to have transitioned in later life. There are not so many people around who have had the opportunity to truly experience life from both sides of the gender divide. It is this difference that we can sort of understand but is inexplainable to those who have not experienced it; even those closest to us might understand the concept but just don't have any way to fit our explanations into an experience framework they can understand. One has to live it to understand it. There are definitely two gender based diverse world viewpoints. It is of great value to have both in one's past and certainly helps one to understand the attitudes of people in the world around.

It is not all good news though. I really, really regret not having a female history to look back on. I would have certainly thrown myself into the crazy young years, I would have loved the chance to wear clothes I now never shall. Growing up as a girl in the 60s and 70s must have been something else!!!!, although who knows, the reality might not have been quite as good as the imagined experience.
I am a bit ambivalent about never having had the chance to bear children (as a cis female I mean). The couple of true Transwomen I know personally both maintain that this is one of their biggest regrets, but I am not so sure. I have 3 daughters of my own (who I brought up on my own for several years) and one step-daughter and now two female grand-children (now do you see why I HAD to transition - as a male I was just totally outnumbered - if you cannot beat them, .......), as such although I have never done the pregnancy and giving birth bit, I am not convinced that for me it was a big loss.

Another bad thing about late transition is this race against the biological clock. I am just so aware of the tick of the clock which, until this all kicked off big time, just hadn't been an issue in life.


The other factor to bear in mind is that, had I transitioned earlier in life, I would not now be the person I am, a person I now pretty much like. I would not have had 50 odd years of male experiences which on the whole were good, despite the void which was ever present. Above all, I wouldn't live in the world space I do now which I definitely like. Me, as I am with my wife, my family, friends, this home, everything, just wouldn't have ever existed. Life would have gone down a completely different path. Whilst I obviously wouldn't have known about and so missed this existence, the alternative reality which might have unfolded is unlikely to have brought me to a place better than this (although, who knows ... I might have married into royalty or something, I quite fancy the idea being a princess!!!



Transsexual women are women who, like all women, can express their male side freely. Could this be the source of the friction between these two disparate trans groups?

That is certainly a possible explanation for the divergence of opinion. I don't really know enough to comment. However, this part about transsexual women being free to express our male side raises a few points.

It is only as one progresses a fair way down the path that one gets to grips with this as a truth. Initially, there is a tendency to try to conform to the female stereotype model and to discard or hide anything which might be seen to others to be male. It is almost as if one feels that to exhibit male charateristics is to somehow detract from the female persona one is trying to convince the world is now the 'real you'. I struggled with this quite a bit as so many of my pasttimes, hobbies and activities are pretty much straight out of the male stereotype model. In time, I came to realise that it was, in fact, an issue in my head rather than in the wider world. I was the one with the stereotyped world imprinted in my mind and this was why I was having such difficulty reconciling the activities I still enjoy with the world I now inhabit. As soon as I got to grips with this truth, everything became much clearer and simpler. Just do whatever I feel like!! At times, I still find myself doing battle with my inner self over this though, I do still think about the image I am portraying.and probably always will. For example, I still have a couple of sets of old male clothes which I tend to wear when doing heavy outside work, or working on a tractor gearbox etc.. This is for purely practical reasons, my female wardrobe doesn't have clothes old enough that I wouldn't mind wrecking them with oil, cement dust and so on. I hate being seen dressed like this for some reason. It is irrational really - but hey, are we ment to be rational??

Having said all that though, I am finding that my priorities are changing anyway as time goes on. Without conscious effort on my part, New activities and pasttimes are coming in which are more 'feminine' and are edging out some of the old favourites, or at least relegating them to a much lower level of importance. It will be interesting to see where this process ends up.



Clara[/color]

Miranda