Miranda,
For me half of my GD stemmed from the wrong body chemistry (hormones). As you experienced yourself, adjusting my T/E balance cleared up a lot of the mental stress symptoms that I (and I presumably you) have been suffering from.
The other half was/is psychological, so I suspect subjective and learned. I hated my male body. I'm not sure why, but I assume it was because it represented an obstacle to expressing my true gender ID.
Young transgender children often instinctively know they are one gender or the other. That tells me that in many cases gender ID is not learned, but rather tied to the organization of a developing brain during gestation. All transgender people probably possess a mixture of male and female brain organization. That seems pretty obvious.
When I started on HRT, my personality changed in many surprising ways. Some ways for better and others for worse. I do believe that dormant parts of my brain were activated under the influence of E while other part were deactivated in the absence of T.
I believe these brain organization differences are what account for differences in transgender people. For example, I have friends who are on estrogen and have experienced no loss of male gender awareness. They enjoy being males and living as men. Taking estrogen has no effect on that. When I started on E, my desire to preserve some semblance of masculinity disappeared entirely. I believe that a substantial part of my brain was geared toward a female gender identity given the right hormonal environment.
I think some of the conflict here a BN has to do with the difference in the amount of female identity that resides in each of us. When the gap is very large, the perceptions, behaviors, and attitudes of the other side can give rise to conflict. We no longer understand one another which can intentionally or unintentionally cause offense and resentment.
I am experiencing this myself with regard to my many CD friends. In the two years that I've know many of them, there has been no significant change in their personalities, manner of dress, voices, you name it. They have found their place on the spectrum and are happy with who they are.
I, on the other hand, have been moving so fast toward a more authentic expression of who I am, it's hard to keep up. I'm starting to resent how my progression to becoming a woman is not being acknowledged by my CD friends. They mean no harm, but no man would talk to a woman the way they talk to me, a woman. It simply means that we are drifting apart, and I have to find a new group of friends who can relate to where I am in my transition. Life doesn't stand still when you're transitioning.
I see the same thing happening here at BN. There are members who I used to be quite friendly with on this board, whereas now we seem to live in different worlds. Bad? Not really. It's understandable that values and interests would change reflecting our diverging paths.
Frankly, I was getting bored with talk about growing breasts, anyway. It's not at the top of my priority list right now. I suppose it's a sign that I should leave this forum. But, breast growth is just one small aspect of the many issues surrounding gender identity which I find very relevant. So why should I go off to another forum, like Susan's, run with an iron fist; a group that won't even acknowledging the role that herbal methods play in breast growth.
There will always be a certain percentage of people here who start out as males wanting breasts who discover that they have a stronger female gender identity than they imagined. A path to understanding those forces and how to deal with them is valuable for them. I know it was for me.
Well, I'm really rambling on here, so I'll cut it off without any pithy conclusion or final thoughts. Cheers!
For me half of my GD stemmed from the wrong body chemistry (hormones). As you experienced yourself, adjusting my T/E balance cleared up a lot of the mental stress symptoms that I (and I presumably you) have been suffering from.
The other half was/is psychological, so I suspect subjective and learned. I hated my male body. I'm not sure why, but I assume it was because it represented an obstacle to expressing my true gender ID.
Young transgender children often instinctively know they are one gender or the other. That tells me that in many cases gender ID is not learned, but rather tied to the organization of a developing brain during gestation. All transgender people probably possess a mixture of male and female brain organization. That seems pretty obvious.
When I started on HRT, my personality changed in many surprising ways. Some ways for better and others for worse. I do believe that dormant parts of my brain were activated under the influence of E while other part were deactivated in the absence of T.
I believe these brain organization differences are what account for differences in transgender people. For example, I have friends who are on estrogen and have experienced no loss of male gender awareness. They enjoy being males and living as men. Taking estrogen has no effect on that. When I started on E, my desire to preserve some semblance of masculinity disappeared entirely. I believe that a substantial part of my brain was geared toward a female gender identity given the right hormonal environment.
I think some of the conflict here a BN has to do with the difference in the amount of female identity that resides in each of us. When the gap is very large, the perceptions, behaviors, and attitudes of the other side can give rise to conflict. We no longer understand one another which can intentionally or unintentionally cause offense and resentment.
I am experiencing this myself with regard to my many CD friends. In the two years that I've know many of them, there has been no significant change in their personalities, manner of dress, voices, you name it. They have found their place on the spectrum and are happy with who they are.
I, on the other hand, have been moving so fast toward a more authentic expression of who I am, it's hard to keep up. I'm starting to resent how my progression to becoming a woman is not being acknowledged by my CD friends. They mean no harm, but no man would talk to a woman the way they talk to me, a woman. It simply means that we are drifting apart, and I have to find a new group of friends who can relate to where I am in my transition. Life doesn't stand still when you're transitioning.
I see the same thing happening here at BN. There are members who I used to be quite friendly with on this board, whereas now we seem to live in different worlds. Bad? Not really. It's understandable that values and interests would change reflecting our diverging paths.
Frankly, I was getting bored with talk about growing breasts, anyway. It's not at the top of my priority list right now. I suppose it's a sign that I should leave this forum. But, breast growth is just one small aspect of the many issues surrounding gender identity which I find very relevant. So why should I go off to another forum, like Susan's, run with an iron fist; a group that won't even acknowledging the role that herbal methods play in breast growth.
There will always be a certain percentage of people here who start out as males wanting breasts who discover that they have a stronger female gender identity than they imagined. A path to understanding those forces and how to deal with them is valuable for them. I know it was for me.
Well, I'm really rambling on here, so I'll cut it off without any pithy conclusion or final thoughts. Cheers!