Gender identity is a hard thing to understand. What is it exactly? Before I read about the concept of gender identity the first time, it played no part in my sense of who I was. I was assigned a gender at birth, and I took that and ran with it.
What I did notice, however, is that I didn't seem to fit the stereotype of my assigned gender. I didn't relate well to many 'standard' male behaviors. Still, I didn't jump to the conclusion that I was female.
I viewed my assigned gender as simply a fact of life related to my reproductive capacity. As such, I did the best I could to live up to society's expectations of what a man should be. Many of those expectations didn't come naturally for me, and I sensed that I was inadequate as a man in many ways -- sports prowess, physical characteristics, aggressiveness, sexuality, etc. I did my best to compensate. And while I enjoyed many activities that girls/women enjoy, I didn't think that I was a woman. I simply identified as myself. But I can honestly say I was not happy.
Now I know that my myself concept was more female than male all along, and living in a male role was not a good fit for me. People's expectations of me as a man didn't match well with what I was capable of delivering as an individual. It was like running into a strong headwind morning till night.
I decided to transition to female because living as a woman matches up well will my natural personality. It even feels better to have this mediocre woman's body than the body of a man.
Transitioning has nothing to do with how I see and relate to others in the trans community. It has everything to do with fitting comfortably into the larger world and being seen and treated in a way that match up well with who I am.
I was never able to achieve harmony in my life until I decided to transition to living as the female that I've always been. And now that I am well on my way to realizing the full expression of my true gender identity, I am happy with who I am, and I find no need to project my values onto others. I don't need to validate my choices against those of other people.
Transitioning has lead me to a better place, but I don't for a minute contend that transitioning is right for all transgender people. It's an extremely difficult, painful, expensive, and risky thing to do. But for many of us, it's the only choice we have to go on living.
Clara
What I did notice, however, is that I didn't seem to fit the stereotype of my assigned gender. I didn't relate well to many 'standard' male behaviors. Still, I didn't jump to the conclusion that I was female.
I viewed my assigned gender as simply a fact of life related to my reproductive capacity. As such, I did the best I could to live up to society's expectations of what a man should be. Many of those expectations didn't come naturally for me, and I sensed that I was inadequate as a man in many ways -- sports prowess, physical characteristics, aggressiveness, sexuality, etc. I did my best to compensate. And while I enjoyed many activities that girls/women enjoy, I didn't think that I was a woman. I simply identified as myself. But I can honestly say I was not happy.
Now I know that my myself concept was more female than male all along, and living in a male role was not a good fit for me. People's expectations of me as a man didn't match well with what I was capable of delivering as an individual. It was like running into a strong headwind morning till night.
I decided to transition to female because living as a woman matches up well will my natural personality. It even feels better to have this mediocre woman's body than the body of a man.
Transitioning has nothing to do with how I see and relate to others in the trans community. It has everything to do with fitting comfortably into the larger world and being seen and treated in a way that match up well with who I am.
I was never able to achieve harmony in my life until I decided to transition to living as the female that I've always been. And now that I am well on my way to realizing the full expression of my true gender identity, I am happy with who I am, and I find no need to project my values onto others. I don't need to validate my choices against those of other people.
Transitioning has lead me to a better place, but I don't for a minute contend that transitioning is right for all transgender people. It's an extremely difficult, painful, expensive, and risky thing to do. But for many of us, it's the only choice we have to go on living.
Clara