[WantAPair]

why do they feel they HAVE to tell any potential boyfriend they may have after becoming "fixed" (as my TS friend, Carla, puts it), that they used to be a guy?

Being trans woman can be a dangerous life. It is almost impossible to hide your past and if a man finds out you are trans he may turn violent. There have been instances of husbands finding out their wife is a stealth TS and killing her.

So it is better to tell him early on and get rid of him if he cannot deal with a trans past. Tell him before he has committed himself to the relationship so it is easy for him to walk away. If transition is about anything, it is about honesty. To lie about your past is dishonest and just sets you up for a bigger fall later on.

Honesty is the best (and safest) policy.

Yeah, that's the part I can understand.

Or, you can at least find out up front with well placed questions or well-directed conversations how he feels about the subject long before a relationship stronger than friendship even gets started.

I would think that telling ANYBODY would be more dangerous! If you tell him up front and find out he's not TS-friendly, he's most likely to tell everyone he knows, who will tell everyone they know, etc.. Just imagine how many gay bashers will find out and try to find you and hurt/kill you. If you just do it stealth and find out he's not TS-friendly, just go your separate ways and you don't have to ever see him again and you never have to say a word to him about it and you aren't lying or being dishonest! You never told him you WEREN'T TS! You are a woman, he sees a woman, thinks you're a woman, and hat's what you're after anyway, isn't it? Game over, no harm done!