I didn't consciously know that I was born a girl for a long time. I was the first child born to my parents, and naturally they raised me according to my assigned gender. Of course, they loved me very much and made me feel special. I gave no indication that I was unhappy being raised as a boy, but my mother told me much later, when I came out trans, that I was always a "gentle boy", not rough and aggressive like other boys.
When my sister was born, we became very close. She was what we call a 'tomboy'. She didn't like to play with dolls or dress up in pretty clothes. We were a lot alike in our play interests. The fact that she was a 'girl' and I a 'boy' didn't make a lot of difference to either of us, but as time went by it became clear that being the boy in the family carried with it certain privileges that my eventual four sisters didn't share.
Along with being 'the boy' in the family came a lot of expectations that I had to live up to. Showing my feminine side was not one of them, and so, I quickly learned to reject any expression of that. I couldn't allow myself the pleasure of being one of the girls as much as I would have liked.
I had no idea where these 'desires' stemmed from. Nobody talked about gender identity back then except to characterize feminine boys as 'sissies', 'pansies', and 'fruits' in an attempt to humiliate and stigmatize them. I quickly learned to hide any tendencies and interests that called into question my assigned gender. I learned to deny my true self, and strived to prove to others and to myself that I was worthy of their respect. I began to construct a visible persona that 'passed' as male to all who I came in contact with, and I carried this false identity into adulthood with all its baggage until just a couple of years ago.
But, now that I've peeled away layer upon layer of male facade so carefully built up over the decades, I realize how forced my life was all those years. I was in a constant battle against my true identity, as though I was swimming against a strong current trying to reach a shore that never got any closer. I paid a high price to pretend to be someone I wasn't.
When I came here to BreastNexus, I fell right in with the guys who wanted breasts, and with those who wanted to escape from dependence on pornography and masturbation which were destroying their lives. Little did I know that coming here would be the beginning of an understanding of who I really am and always was -- a woman, not only trapped in the wrong body, but saddled with a false projection of my very soul.
Gender identity is something that's given to each of us at birth. It can be denied, it can be hidden, or it can be embraced. It can never be ignored.
On my birthday a long time ago a doctor signed a document asserting that a boy had been born to a young married couple. He was mistaken. That document has since been corrected and officially filed at the Department of Vital Records in my home state. It now correctly states that I was born female. I was always a female. And I will die a female.
Clara
When my sister was born, we became very close. She was what we call a 'tomboy'. She didn't like to play with dolls or dress up in pretty clothes. We were a lot alike in our play interests. The fact that she was a 'girl' and I a 'boy' didn't make a lot of difference to either of us, but as time went by it became clear that being the boy in the family carried with it certain privileges that my eventual four sisters didn't share.
Along with being 'the boy' in the family came a lot of expectations that I had to live up to. Showing my feminine side was not one of them, and so, I quickly learned to reject any expression of that. I couldn't allow myself the pleasure of being one of the girls as much as I would have liked.
I had no idea where these 'desires' stemmed from. Nobody talked about gender identity back then except to characterize feminine boys as 'sissies', 'pansies', and 'fruits' in an attempt to humiliate and stigmatize them. I quickly learned to hide any tendencies and interests that called into question my assigned gender. I learned to deny my true self, and strived to prove to others and to myself that I was worthy of their respect. I began to construct a visible persona that 'passed' as male to all who I came in contact with, and I carried this false identity into adulthood with all its baggage until just a couple of years ago.
But, now that I've peeled away layer upon layer of male facade so carefully built up over the decades, I realize how forced my life was all those years. I was in a constant battle against my true identity, as though I was swimming against a strong current trying to reach a shore that never got any closer. I paid a high price to pretend to be someone I wasn't.
When I came here to BreastNexus, I fell right in with the guys who wanted breasts, and with those who wanted to escape from dependence on pornography and masturbation which were destroying their lives. Little did I know that coming here would be the beginning of an understanding of who I really am and always was -- a woman, not only trapped in the wrong body, but saddled with a false projection of my very soul.
Gender identity is something that's given to each of us at birth. It can be denied, it can be hidden, or it can be embraced. It can never be ignored.
On my birthday a long time ago a doctor signed a document asserting that a boy had been born to a young married couple. He was mistaken. That document has since been corrected and officially filed at the Department of Vital Records in my home state. It now correctly states that I was born female. I was always a female. And I will die a female.
Clara