08-06-2015, 04:31 PM
And another reason for the bitterness:
Reminder of background:
So... I told my SO what I was (Transgender) Before she moved in.
We were supposed to be a temporary relationship, too - no-strings-attached sex.
So, it's a decade later, a bankruptcy, foreclosure, multiple moves, multiple jobs, my sister won't talk to me (specifically because of the SO), my mother never sees me (combination of hates the SO, and now I'm in Boston while she's in Jersey - and somehow, there's never money left at the end of the month), and also because I'm with her, my dad died estranged from me.... I was disinvited to the Repast, because the SO and my sister got into a screaming match in church (while I was outside waiting as a pallbearer, so I don't have details, only hearsay.)
Also, I earn VERY well - when employed. That's not a given, being a contractor. I had over $30K in the bank and other accounts, courtesy of inheritance from my aunt.
That's the background.
Recently, I've been poking her obliquely about a few things. I've watched the Jenner interview (Meh.), she didn't. Talked to her about what a woman brings to the relationship - the SO is a bossy (ahem.) I WAS a more nurturing type. But any softness is a weakness she can exploit... So I stopped caring any more, and I'm probably just this side of (verbally) abusive at times. (In my defense, we're talking about a woman who though it OK to talk about my penis size, and is embarrassed about the size of my chest, that I crossdress, that I want them bigger and sensitive - and will twist the nipples "as play.")
The current mess is, I have to go through our rent checks and confirm what we owe from the last place we rented from. (We apparently even had an order to vacate the premises, which I never knew of.)
The woman is a control freak. She'll check the bank account several times a day. I USED to keep a running tally in my head, and use the credit card to pay everything, then write a check to the CC company, the rent check, and utilities checks, as needed. Monthly expenses itemized, income vs. output, and a few checks each month to balance.
So, now the MEAT of the mess:
She views herself as a girly-girl. She's 255, 45%+ body fat, tattoos. Ready to rumble with the boys. But she's a "girly-girl."
She never went to college. Won't change a thing about herself to improve her job prospects. Won't conform to the employer's wants and needs. She's quit several jobs... And been fired from a few others. And always lands back on my generosity.
She's aggressive in everything, including the bedroom - but then wants to be ... Let's just say, "done right." (If I could figure out when he switch was thrown from her being dominant, to wanting to submit, MAYBE I'd have a prayer. It's somewhere after she stops grabbing my crotch and yanking him like a handle, pardon the TMI.)
She doesn't like lingerie, doesn't even wear underwear... (which is a lovely thing, now... Well, the women will know, giving birth, and then sneezing...? Except she had a C-section, so WTF? No excuses, I think.)
I'm sorry, I'm getting too ranty.
So, she knows I want to look feminine, but demands I be as masculine as possible. She's not "intolerant," exactly - but she wants a relationship so much, she will define the terms of it, and then enforce them - no give and take.
So... I want breasts. I want grace and fluidity of movement. I want beauty. I want to BE a beautiful woman, and sleep with a beautiful woman.
She refuses to even watch the Jenner interview. Kept deleting it, in fact, off the DVR. (she knew I wasn't finished watching it, too.)
I guess it just shows the meat of the other rant, that some people just can't be reached.
She KNOWS, knew ahead of time - but if I'm not plowing ahead under the direction SHE thinks is meaningful, she assumes it's not happening.
How do I arrange to break things off, when we own a house together and I'm the one keeping her financially alive?
I'd started taking cash out and kept it around; she started using me as an ATM. (And she almost always has cash, too.)
I need an out, I just can't find one. The term psychic vampire comes to mind.
But, I've managed to start a little... SP, Vitex, RC, and a blend called "Change o life" (no typo). So far, nothing much happening, even with some Siterone in the mix. But it's also not like I can be consistent with massage, and I'm wearing a sports bra all day, every day. (She had to make that concession. she was more embarrassed by them swinging free...)
Maybe I'll get to a progress update soon... But I'm half tempted to just hit up Inhouse again (if I can find them, again, FedGov making you safer...)
:-P
Last thought:
WTF is it with people calling Bruce, now Caitlyn, "Brave" and "Courageous"? She's a multi-millionaire who doesn't HAVE to give a d@mn about anyone's opinion of her. Also, a gold medal winner, IIRC. And has a show to finance anything still needs to be done.
How about those who come out to their family, and are kicked out? End up turning tricks or selling drugs to stay alive, and MIGHT, eventually, get their hormones and be able to transition?
What, are they NOT courageous?
Get a grip, ESPN. (et al).
Reminder of background:
(07-06-2015, 06:33 AM)Rayve Wrote: [...]
Best thing I ever did to help me avoid negativity and hate was deleting my facebook account. No lie. However, I do go to a specific conspiracy theory website and I just had to stop going there at least until this whole thing blows over. Every other thread there was just a giant circle jerk of hate on the issue with pages upon pages of people agreeing with it. It really knocked me back a couple steps when I saw it. And this is coming from people I have daily discussions on things like spirituality, feminine divine, relationships, and corruption. And of course some of my writings. It really makes me sad as I kinda miss the conversations. And you know if there ever was some grand agenda it is working by dividing us and just creating more hate and the sheep eat it up and get led around like the sheep they are.
So... I told my SO what I was (Transgender) Before she moved in.
We were supposed to be a temporary relationship, too - no-strings-attached sex.
So, it's a decade later, a bankruptcy, foreclosure, multiple moves, multiple jobs, my sister won't talk to me (specifically because of the SO), my mother never sees me (combination of hates the SO, and now I'm in Boston while she's in Jersey - and somehow, there's never money left at the end of the month), and also because I'm with her, my dad died estranged from me.... I was disinvited to the Repast, because the SO and my sister got into a screaming match in church (while I was outside waiting as a pallbearer, so I don't have details, only hearsay.)
Also, I earn VERY well - when employed. That's not a given, being a contractor. I had over $30K in the bank and other accounts, courtesy of inheritance from my aunt.
That's the background.
Recently, I've been poking her obliquely about a few things. I've watched the Jenner interview (Meh.), she didn't. Talked to her about what a woman brings to the relationship - the SO is a bossy (ahem.) I WAS a more nurturing type. But any softness is a weakness she can exploit... So I stopped caring any more, and I'm probably just this side of (verbally) abusive at times. (In my defense, we're talking about a woman who though it OK to talk about my penis size, and is embarrassed about the size of my chest, that I crossdress, that I want them bigger and sensitive - and will twist the nipples "as play.")
The current mess is, I have to go through our rent checks and confirm what we owe from the last place we rented from. (We apparently even had an order to vacate the premises, which I never knew of.)
The woman is a control freak. She'll check the bank account several times a day. I USED to keep a running tally in my head, and use the credit card to pay everything, then write a check to the CC company, the rent check, and utilities checks, as needed. Monthly expenses itemized, income vs. output, and a few checks each month to balance.
So, now the MEAT of the mess:
She views herself as a girly-girl. She's 255, 45%+ body fat, tattoos. Ready to rumble with the boys. But she's a "girly-girl."
She never went to college. Won't change a thing about herself to improve her job prospects. Won't conform to the employer's wants and needs. She's quit several jobs... And been fired from a few others. And always lands back on my generosity.
She's aggressive in everything, including the bedroom - but then wants to be ... Let's just say, "done right." (If I could figure out when he switch was thrown from her being dominant, to wanting to submit, MAYBE I'd have a prayer. It's somewhere after she stops grabbing my crotch and yanking him like a handle, pardon the TMI.)
She doesn't like lingerie, doesn't even wear underwear... (which is a lovely thing, now... Well, the women will know, giving birth, and then sneezing...? Except she had a C-section, so WTF? No excuses, I think.)
I'm sorry, I'm getting too ranty.
So, she knows I want to look feminine, but demands I be as masculine as possible. She's not "intolerant," exactly - but she wants a relationship so much, she will define the terms of it, and then enforce them - no give and take.
So... I want breasts. I want grace and fluidity of movement. I want beauty. I want to BE a beautiful woman, and sleep with a beautiful woman.
She refuses to even watch the Jenner interview. Kept deleting it, in fact, off the DVR. (she knew I wasn't finished watching it, too.)
I guess it just shows the meat of the other rant, that some people just can't be reached.
She KNOWS, knew ahead of time - but if I'm not plowing ahead under the direction SHE thinks is meaningful, she assumes it's not happening.
How do I arrange to break things off, when we own a house together and I'm the one keeping her financially alive?
I'd started taking cash out and kept it around; she started using me as an ATM. (And she almost always has cash, too.)
I need an out, I just can't find one. The term psychic vampire comes to mind.
But, I've managed to start a little... SP, Vitex, RC, and a blend called "Change o life" (no typo). So far, nothing much happening, even with some Siterone in the mix. But it's also not like I can be consistent with massage, and I'm wearing a sports bra all day, every day. (She had to make that concession. she was more embarrassed by them swinging free...)
Maybe I'll get to a progress update soon... But I'm half tempted to just hit up Inhouse again (if I can find them, again, FedGov making you safer...)
:-P
Last thought:
WTF is it with people calling Bruce, now Caitlyn, "Brave" and "Courageous"? She's a multi-millionaire who doesn't HAVE to give a d@mn about anyone's opinion of her. Also, a gold medal winner, IIRC. And has a show to finance anything still needs to be done.
How about those who come out to their family, and are kicked out? End up turning tricks or selling drugs to stay alive, and MIGHT, eventually, get their hormones and be able to transition?
What, are they NOT courageous?
Get a grip, ESPN. (et al).