05-05-2015, 12:12 PM
This thread is a quite thought provoking from a number of points of view. In many ways, I agree with Bryony:
I do think that the evolutionary pressures that shaped the male psyche are no longer relevant to survival and progress in today's world. Those adaptations are in some cases are prejudicial to humanity in today's world. *** Stops talking on that topic before alienating all males on the planet ***
I do disagree though that commitment is all you need. People exit relationships for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes the exits are mutual as both partners have grown and developed, but in different directions.
Some are not and sometimes it is a surprise to one partner or the other. A co-worker of mine who thought he had a happy marriage with two wonderful kids had his wife say one day that she did not want to be married any more. He had no clue it was coming and was just dumb-founded.
My own marriage has been through some deep troughs (not gender related and in fact my wife's current view is that my gender issues are an opportunity to grow closer again). Some of those troughs came close to an relationship exit, but we are both just too stubborn to give up. We are both trying to climb back to the top of the wave.
Not everyone though is built the same emotionally. For some, it may be kinder on the spouse in the long run to have a clean break and let them start over rather than having to live with their partner's continual depression at having to repress part of their psyche.
I think though, the important thing is to work things out together if possible. Compromise if you can and work out things that you can both live with. However, points of view may just be irreconcilable and that may not be possible. IMHO long term repression without release of that which drives many of us, even if it is for someone we love and are committed to, will in the longer term, cause more problems than it solves.
(04-05-2015, 01:34 AM)bryony Wrote: I'm not sure you are quoting me precisely. I do idolise women in general though there are [specific] instances whose behaviour is abominable and repulsive; and on the whole due to evolutionary pressures, I think that their attitude to commitment is far, far better than ours, and in that sense at least (though there are others) they are better beings than those of us who still admit to being male.
I do think that the evolutionary pressures that shaped the male psyche are no longer relevant to survival and progress in today's world. Those adaptations are in some cases are prejudicial to humanity in today's world. *** Stops talking on that topic before alienating all males on the planet ***
I do disagree though that commitment is all you need. People exit relationships for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes the exits are mutual as both partners have grown and developed, but in different directions.
Some are not and sometimes it is a surprise to one partner or the other. A co-worker of mine who thought he had a happy marriage with two wonderful kids had his wife say one day that she did not want to be married any more. He had no clue it was coming and was just dumb-founded.
My own marriage has been through some deep troughs (not gender related and in fact my wife's current view is that my gender issues are an opportunity to grow closer again). Some of those troughs came close to an relationship exit, but we are both just too stubborn to give up. We are both trying to climb back to the top of the wave.
Not everyone though is built the same emotionally. For some, it may be kinder on the spouse in the long run to have a clean break and let them start over rather than having to live with their partner's continual depression at having to repress part of their psyche.
I think though, the important thing is to work things out together if possible. Compromise if you can and work out things that you can both live with. However, points of view may just be irreconcilable and that may not be possible. IMHO long term repression without release of that which drives many of us, even if it is for someone we love and are committed to, will in the longer term, cause more problems than it solves.