[bryony]

Hi, FI

I really tried to stay out of this, yet here I am adding my two cents again. While I understand your point of view Bryony, I feel you lack a bit of tactfulness. While there is a time and place to be brutally honest I feel that without knowing the other party there's the risk of driving that person over the edge.

I do try to be tactful most of the time, FI. Some things do get my dander up though.

Generally when people talk about "leaving to find themselves" there has been considerable discussion with their wives and irretrievable breakdown. There is no indication in the first couple of posts that any attempt has been made to do this.

This guy is not homosexual - he proposed to a girl, got married and had 2 kids, so he is bisexual. He has some kind of gender dysphoria and seems to want the best of both worlds including being unfaithful to his wife. He casually throws out that
"I am currently married but will be filling for divorce if decided to go this route."

Now there may be lots more information, but if you want to talk about tactfulness, maybe the OP needs a very large dose himself. A stable job, 2 kids, presumably he cares for them somewhat because of presenting as a male when they are around, but he wants to throw it all away to become a "bottom". In other words, heterosexual sex has become a bore and he wants sexual gratification - exactly the wrong reason to take any kind of Estrogen.

This generation seems to be permanently entitled to do any kind of outrageous thing without criticism. All stigma have been cancelled and I don't think that's necessarily a good thing.

I may be tactless, but, hopefully, speaking a few home truths just might spark some shame and a feeling of how the other person feels.

Bryony, not one of us is perfect. How can you expect to find any fault in that which you idolize and set upon a pedestal?

I'm not blind, FI - I may indulge in hyperbole, but I am well aware of the many faults of some women. I'm not that keen on prostitutes, as it happens.

Men and women are capable evil and maliciousness. I've seen it first hand. Explain to me the women who sleep around to satisfy their sexual desires even though they are married with kids? We always hear about unfaithful men because well quite frankly men can be stupid and sloppy. While women can be more conniving, and discrete. Believe me, as I stated, I know and seen it first hand. But it is not fair for me to say all women are evil, manipulative backstabbers, nor would it be fair for me to say all men are just misunderstood. Male, female, we're all capable of major wrong doing as well as compassionate feats.

Yep, but this is the "fallacy of relative privation" or "whataboutery". In this instance, the only fault that the woman has been declared to have committed is being hurt at being lied to.

Whether we like it or not our words carry power. They can soothe and heal or crush and destroy. I doubt anyone would feel good about themselves if they found out they were somewhat responsible for a bleak turn of events.

I think this guy is aware, and he's deciding to throw it all away. I'm hoping to shame him into reconsidering.

So maybe instead of condemning someone for something that may be beyond their control, perhaps we can offer some viable advice, or seek further information that can maybe lead to better possible solutions.

For example, PM could possibly ease the authors mental state. If so then perhaps he would be able to discuss it with his wife and see how she feels. Then maybe they can find some viable solutions together. Now if the desires and confusion still persist or are stronger, then there may be something deeper. Again discussions with his wife would need to take place, perhaps some form of counseling too. Hopefully a viable solution can be found. Who knows, maybe after discussing things with the Mrs. maybe she is open to being domineering, and up for some role playing. Then again, maybe not.

Good points FI. I'm bad cop, you be good cop!

B.