[MissC]

I, too, thought that I had the autogynephilia disorder that you speak of.

I don't believe it's referred to specifically as a disorder, at least, not in the places I've read about it. It's just a thing; a term coined to represent a certain concept. It's essentially a form of narcissism -- a personality trait that can be simultaneously useful and obnoxious. But hardly a 'disorder'.

It doesn't really matter, though, whether or not we think we are autogynephiles. It's just one more way of describing the same thing (gender otherness), so acceptance or denial is really only a matter of semantics.

Myself, I find the shoe (the definition of autogynephilia) fits, if a bit awkwardly, but as I've mentioned previously, I don't care to view the matter through the lens of psychiatry as though it were a disease.

Gender-othered people do exist as a biological reality, but I'm not confident in all the science yet. While it's hardly scientific, I find it difficult to think of a better descriptor than "two-spirit" and its embodied philosophy.

the rising level of estradiol in my body unleashed a dormant female gender identity which was unrelenting in its need to be acknowledged and nurtured.

Uhh....

I have a loving and supportive spouse and the resources without which it's very difficult to carry out an MTF transition successfully.

"Resources" meaning enough cash to buy a house, by the sound of it. If that's disposable money in your household, I'd be a loving and supportive spouse, too.

as a woman, I will not carry the burden of pretending to be someone I'm not.

We all tell ourselves little fibs, just to get through life, every day. "My job doesn't suck that bad." "My kids are little angels." "I'm not going to let so-and-so bother me today." Etc.

That's one kind of whopper, though, that I could never make myself believe! No matter how many times I might tell myself "I is a womaaannnn!" it would never jibe with my sense of objective reality... and I'd only hate myself for lying to myself.

Thus...

I've always felt that being more or less in the center was the most troublesome.

...thus, it is my view that (philosophically) somewhere in the middle is about as good as it gets. That's not a value judgment, nor a reference to appearance, passability, or any other issue; it's merely a nod to the reality of biology.