[AnnieBL]

Hi Annie,

wow! I'm touched by all the compliments, and feel guilty now for ducking out when I did.

I think the difference is that I knew that it would have hurt my wife to see me attempting to feminise myself overtly - that is with cosmetics, wigs, clothing etc. The PM she could accept, because she could see the massive difference it was making to my mental health. I think once the dressing up begins, the more unacceptable the tawdriness of male drab becomes.

I guess the lesson here for anyone reading this is to realise that there are two paths you can travel with certainty - coping as a male with the use of herbs, or transition. There are a lucky few who can indulge in the occasional cross-dressing for fun - but I group them with the rare breed of occasional smokers who can take it or leave it.

Simply put - don't dabble unless you are prepared to go all the way!

I'm just surprised that there are so many wives around who are so accepting!

I suppose it is easier for me, in a way. One of the reasons I have the moniker "Heretic" is that I refuse to accept politically-imposed orthodoxies.

I _know_ that the medical nutritional orthodoxy, which only seems to benefit Big Pharma, Big Food, Politicians political funds and not very many humans would have killed me if I had not abandoned it.

I am _certain_ that the current climate science (AGW) orthodoxy is a crock.

And I _know_ that by the definition of the now heretical trio of Bailey-Blanchard-Lawrence, that I _am_ an autogynephile.

When I was still subject to male sexuality, the only relief that I could get was by fantasising myself as, not only a girl, but a stunning one. Climax would not happen with any other fantasy. When I made love to my wife, I had to imagine that I was the female, and a beautiful one. Beauty is absolutely part and parcel of it.

Female beauty, by and large, is only achievable if you are (a) female or have very feminine bone structure; and (b) are either born beautiful or extremely good at cosmetics and have a good underlying bone structure. (In my opinion) So on all counts, I am doomed!

It's almost more of a body dysphoria than a gender dysphoria. Even if I were a real girl, with my perspective I would be one of those characters constantly trying to achieve the impossible, unless I had been born looking like a supermodel.

Hence, as I keep saying, from my personal perspective, I would be at least as miserable transitioning (but probably much more so) than staying pat.

Sorry to be so depressing! Especially after all those kind words! :-)

TTFN

B.

Hi Bryony,

Most of what you say makes good sense to me. But I found myself in an unusual situation. Unlike most transition seekers, everything had been so deeply repressed I had never in my life cross dressed. Then in May last year I heard of the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, and something inside me, aka Annabel, said I must go even if this entailed dressing. My wife would have questioned why on earth I would want to go to an event that for her and my repressed self would have represented everything that we both believed that I hated. This compelled me to come 'out' to her about my gender variance to which she came back that she must either leave me, which after over 50 years of friendship and nearly 35 years of marriage, she would not do, or support me all the way, although there would be a 'price' to pay. My male function had been quite dead for several years which limited our physical relationship and my age (74) limited what surgery we were prepared to contemplate. I realized that I had a strong facial resemblance to what I remember of my maternal grandmother (who was also exceptionally tall) and I felt it was possible to transition to some sort of benevolent grannie. And as soon as I did finally dress that way I immediately became Annabel (who is much more outgoing and much ess self conscious) and have remained so full time ever since. This has been much easier than trying to be beautiful, or younger than I am (though in fact I reckon it gives me 10 years) and limits any surgery to the absolute minimum needed to be comfortable as Annabel in the body I was born with. The hardest part for both of us has been dealing with the marital relationship but we are both (most of the time) determined to make it work. And believe me, it is wonderful for Annabel (Annie) finally to have her time in the sun.