[Marina Kits]

I doubt there is one person that really knows me, or understands me. Of course that is my own fault, as I choose very carefully what I want people to see.

You're here and you're talking. That's a really good move and I'm guessing it's more than you've done in the past right?

It is highly possible that rooted in this is the desire to fit in, and be accepted. But to fit in and be accepted usually means some form of normality. Well there goes that, I am no where near what society has deemed normal. What is normal is constantly changing, and varies by groups. So how can anyone possibly be normal if it is in constant variation?

I JUST came to this realization last week. Whatever your perception of normal is, I promise you it's only "normal" because you can't SEE what makes it ABNORMAL. If you THINK you're normal, step outside of yourself and have a look, you'll quickly realize that it's anything BUT normal.

Of course that just leads to further questions. How can I possibly expect to find any true acceptance if my true self is unknown? I am not even sure I know what my true self even is. So many years spent on shifting and adapting to fit in and be accepted. Besides, what real person would even want to accept me as I am? I mean it's one thing being here on this forum, and being partially accepted, but it's just not quite the same.

You're discovering yourself. YOU ARE! You DON'T have to know yourself to be accepted by others, just BE yourself and those who like what you are will be drawn to you. Eventually, you wont have to pretend to be anyone anymore.

Looking it over, it feels like I am just complaining and whining about my personal identity issues, and being a burden to this board.

You're NOT a burden to this board!!! You MAKE this board work by posting

I guess a part of me is wondering if PM will have any affect on my mental stasis. Will I finally find me, and accept me for me. I suppose there have been some changes.

Isn't this post PROOF that it is working??? You're processing thoughts and putting them in print. You're identifying feelings and discussing them. THAT'S progress. That's PM at work (for many at least)

I started this journey in part seeking self gratification. ...Now, well my sexual desire has dropped dramatically. It's actually quite nice, as it was proving to be quite a distraction to me. Too much self gratification and not focusing on more important matters. So it's rather welcoming.

ANOTHER result of taking PM. You're not being led around by you're lust (sorry that's a bit strong but you get the point). That will help you see things more clearly.

Unfortunately I think I may have become a bit more emotional. Something I had long since bottled away. I found that I inadvertently connected mentally, and partially emotionally to someone. Of course it's not real, how can it be real? It's all in my head, it's my over active imagination seeing things that are not really there. Perhaps I am just being over zealous. I guess that's bound to happen when a bottled up emotion falls and shatters.

And yet ANOTHER result of taking PM! You're FEELING your emotions! That's good! I'm guessing there are MANY emotions and MANY tears to come - EMBRACE THEM! They are painful but in the end, you'll feel much better!

Needless to say not only am I confused but I am struggling to figure out who, or what I am? I still don't believe I have any desire to transition, but finding that balance, emotionally, mentally, and physically is weighing heavily on me.

There's no need to think about transition now. IF that becomes necessary, it's far to far down the road to worry about now. You won't be the first person to gain a mental benefit from taking PM and that might prove to be all you need.

Best of wishes to you Fire & Ice! I'm glad you hit POST!