[Marina Kits]

*** Abridged quote ***
I did not listen either, I thought I could control it, but my basic problem was that I did not understand what was wrong with me. I did not understand my underlying feelings and were they came from. I thought I was just weird or something

I'm pretty sure, when you say "wrong with me" that you don't mean your gender identity is "broken". I think you're talking about your RESPONSE to your gender identity. In other words, thinking you're a misfit, pervert, etc. Being feminine inclined or flat out feeling like you're in the wrong body (Gender Identity Disorder as some call it) is NOT wrong! We are not defective or unwell in our heads. If you (not you in particular b.rose but everyone in this community in general) think there's something "wrong" with you because your physical gender doesn't match the way you feel, please stop thinking that way about yourself. We each posses unique mixtures of male and female to varying degrees but there's nothing WRONG with that. I can only hope that someday we and the rest of the world can fully accept that truth. ...Just wanted to clarify that. Please correct me if I'm misinterpreting you b.rose

*** Abridged quote ***
Its becoming clearer to me that to become some super fem living and "acting" "real woman" is just as fake for me as being a "real man" was...

Sorry Eve, I can't respond to everything you said but this stuck out to me. I agree, if you're acting like a woman ...you're just acting like a woman. It's tempting to do and I've done it just enough to know I don't ever want to do it again. It doesn't fool anyone and honestly, it just reinforces the binary view of gender that so dominates our society. I know you don't need this encouragement Eve but other do and I just want to reinforce your sentiment that we should just be ourselves. Whether you like guns or hugs, don't try to be anyone but who you really are. Just be yourself.

*** Abridged quote ***
...My ring/index finger ratio is masculine whereas supposedly for transwomen it is more feminine, so prenatal testosterone levels has nothing to do with what led me here. I have high systems intelligence and low emotional intelligence, a stereotypically masculine type brain, I'm probably the last person anyone would suspect of being trans. I don't fit the mould.

But I still want my body to be feminine, that is my ideal body image. Maybe I just can't deal with the pressure and expectations of being a man, didn't grow up mentally or running away from my confidence issues. I have no idea if I will ever transition, try to straddle somewhere in between, or revert to being a pretend man. BLEH!!!

I agree with Sammie and Denita. You're using weak methods to determine your gender identity Josephine. There is no definitive test (besides your heart) to determine gender identity and what you FEEL can't be measured effectively. It takes a lot of practice to hear and understand your heart but it's a wonderful thing when you do. You're confused right now, that's OK. Clarity will come with time as you listen to your heart and test your understanding of what it's telling you. A professional counselor might be the way to go but don't underestimate the value of a great listener (if you know one) or this forum. Best of wishes to you as you continue to sort through your feelings Josephine.