27-05-2014, 09:53 AM
I am trying to find out what level of GID and how similar I am to others on here. I would think that many of the people here fit more into the range of not gender dysphoric enough to fully transition and get prescription HRT, but clearly not male enough to not consider having breasts and becoming more feminine.
For those with some form of GID that have a "sexual" orientation for women that says you have to imagine yourself as a woman to orgasm, how will you describe your romantic interests to them? I know gender identity and sexual orientation are considered independent, but there is still a link between them. I romantically love women, but in terms of "sexual" desires, I can only go as far as giving sensual love, kissing her all over, particularly on her nipples etc. However, the actual act of doing anything with my penis isn't very natural to me. I am wondering how common this is. I basically think my brain is wired romantically as a male, but is wired to have a female sexuality. When I am sexually aroused, I basically feel 100% female.
However, this sexual identity as a female can really confuse you and throw a wrench into the rest of your life when you're trying to determine who you are. Even when you don't think you are aroused, you still likely are to some degree, and it plays into your feelings and personality subconsciously at minimum. For example, a heterosexual man sees an attractive girl that he knows he's not going to hit it off with, but regardless, still in a way flirts with her or does something different that he may not normally do if the girl wasn't as attractive (speaking from experience). I think our sexuality is just built in to our everyday lives. So, throw in this female sexuality part, and things get confusing! If being sexually aroused was a wild flame, I would constantly feel these burning embers that push me to expressing myself as a girl. And when these burning embers stay with you 24/7, things really get confusing and you wonder if that's just who you really are. Supposedly there was a study done with genetic girls that show how many of them would be considered transvestites. Perhaps the neural pathways of the pleasure that drives girls to look like attractive females really isn't too different from the sexual pathways, these continuous burning embers.
As for my childhood I think it was very typically male until puberty except for these few things. For as young as I can remember, I've always had fantasies of transforming into things/creatures and I even got erect somehow!(because I would remember trying to pound my penis down whenever it got stiff). So far, I haven't ran into anyone that has had similar experiences. I've always been entranced by makeup commercials, and their ability to transform someone to look so good (but maybe that was just being entranced by beautiful women?). When puberty hit, sexual arousal was dominated by forced feminization through makeup, and then everything just snowballed from there to anything feminine. I remember already reading about men with manly features, wishing they did not have that, and looking at myself basically as a boy and trying to savor the moments of not being all masculinized yet, constantly looking at my shoulders to see how much they have grown and convince myself that they aren't or are not really growing.
From college on for 10 years, I did not pursue any GID related endeavors other than masturbation because I felt the stress of trying to hide clothing, etc. would not be worth the pleasure I feel. Now with some clothing, I am trying to make sure I learn from others and don't go through purge cycles, and balance out what's best for myself and the rest of my life and career.
At the age of 28, I also don't like being identified as a man, it feels awkward to me, but I feel that may be because it has a "being old" nuance to it and I don't want to/ don't feel that old. However, I feel comfortable being called a guy.
So, at least for me, I can't remember one day since puberty that I haven't thought of wanting to be a girl and wondering what it's like to be a girl.
With all this said however, I still think there's a chance that I may be hypermale, but that's a whole different thread topic.
For those with some form of GID that have a "sexual" orientation for women that says you have to imagine yourself as a woman to orgasm, how will you describe your romantic interests to them? I know gender identity and sexual orientation are considered independent, but there is still a link between them. I romantically love women, but in terms of "sexual" desires, I can only go as far as giving sensual love, kissing her all over, particularly on her nipples etc. However, the actual act of doing anything with my penis isn't very natural to me. I am wondering how common this is. I basically think my brain is wired romantically as a male, but is wired to have a female sexuality. When I am sexually aroused, I basically feel 100% female.
However, this sexual identity as a female can really confuse you and throw a wrench into the rest of your life when you're trying to determine who you are. Even when you don't think you are aroused, you still likely are to some degree, and it plays into your feelings and personality subconsciously at minimum. For example, a heterosexual man sees an attractive girl that he knows he's not going to hit it off with, but regardless, still in a way flirts with her or does something different that he may not normally do if the girl wasn't as attractive (speaking from experience). I think our sexuality is just built in to our everyday lives. So, throw in this female sexuality part, and things get confusing! If being sexually aroused was a wild flame, I would constantly feel these burning embers that push me to expressing myself as a girl. And when these burning embers stay with you 24/7, things really get confusing and you wonder if that's just who you really are. Supposedly there was a study done with genetic girls that show how many of them would be considered transvestites. Perhaps the neural pathways of the pleasure that drives girls to look like attractive females really isn't too different from the sexual pathways, these continuous burning embers.
As for my childhood I think it was very typically male until puberty except for these few things. For as young as I can remember, I've always had fantasies of transforming into things/creatures and I even got erect somehow!(because I would remember trying to pound my penis down whenever it got stiff). So far, I haven't ran into anyone that has had similar experiences. I've always been entranced by makeup commercials, and their ability to transform someone to look so good (but maybe that was just being entranced by beautiful women?). When puberty hit, sexual arousal was dominated by forced feminization through makeup, and then everything just snowballed from there to anything feminine. I remember already reading about men with manly features, wishing they did not have that, and looking at myself basically as a boy and trying to savor the moments of not being all masculinized yet, constantly looking at my shoulders to see how much they have grown and convince myself that they aren't or are not really growing.
From college on for 10 years, I did not pursue any GID related endeavors other than masturbation because I felt the stress of trying to hide clothing, etc. would not be worth the pleasure I feel. Now with some clothing, I am trying to make sure I learn from others and don't go through purge cycles, and balance out what's best for myself and the rest of my life and career.
At the age of 28, I also don't like being identified as a man, it feels awkward to me, but I feel that may be because it has a "being old" nuance to it and I don't want to/ don't feel that old. However, I feel comfortable being called a guy.
So, at least for me, I can't remember one day since puberty that I haven't thought of wanting to be a girl and wondering what it's like to be a girl.
With all this said however, I still think there's a chance that I may be hypermale, but that's a whole different thread topic.