23-05-2014, 04:41 PM
Hi Colleen,
Thanks for taking the time to see what we are about, sweetheart! Not too manys GGs are willing to do that. I think you are young still, am I right? Still a teenager? I have a daughter not too much older than you, so I know a little of what life is like for you. Here, as simply as I can, is what it is like for us.
First, we come in all kinds. Sarah, bless her sweet heart, is internally every bit as much a girl as you are. For her, it is all about correcting the physical imbalance.
For many of us, though, it is more complicated because it is not so clear cut. Our gender is somewhere in between, some closer to female and some with only a little female. But from the time we are born we are taught to conform to the male role.
So, throughout our lives there is a voice of insecurity inside, whispering to us, coaxing us, trying to tease its way to the surface. And all the while, all the voices of friends, family and society are battling back and trying to beat down those femine feelings. So an anxiety grows. In almost every situation we live through, an internal conversation is going on in our minds between the two sides...and a fear is nestled quietly behind every word thought and movement that we will be discovered..caught...unmasked and revealed as the ...whatever we are...but less than the normal everyday male we purport to be. That fear lies beneath everything....sometimes a barely audible whisper, but sometimes a roaring symphony of nearly unbearable tension. And throughout all of this there is also the series of distractions born of self denial. Going through a shoe store surrounded by womens shoes can be a nightmare. Watching a beautiful woman pass and knowing part of you wants to date that woman but part of you wants to be that woman.
And so to battle this many turn to ultra male things...the army, sports, even fathering kids...only to realize later that it will never go away and in fact gets louder and stronger the longer it is denied.
So we learn to embrace the female. But then we must still face the demons, real and imaginary. The wife who decides she wants a real man. The taunts of strangers faced with a "man in a dress". The employer who suddenly decides we are no longer employable. It can be devastating.
But it can also be joyous. After a lifetime of denial, the simple act of being fully dressed and standing in public in a night club dancing was a moment of simple and powerful euphoria I will never forget.
The thing to remember....none if us asked to be born this way. Most would, if they could, take a pill and make it go away. But that isnt possible. We just have to live with who we are and the little joke life played on us. It is ok. It could be worse. We could have been born with no legs, or in Somalia, you know?
Thanks for asking!
Hugs
Sammie
Thanks for taking the time to see what we are about, sweetheart! Not too manys GGs are willing to do that. I think you are young still, am I right? Still a teenager? I have a daughter not too much older than you, so I know a little of what life is like for you. Here, as simply as I can, is what it is like for us.
First, we come in all kinds. Sarah, bless her sweet heart, is internally every bit as much a girl as you are. For her, it is all about correcting the physical imbalance.
For many of us, though, it is more complicated because it is not so clear cut. Our gender is somewhere in between, some closer to female and some with only a little female. But from the time we are born we are taught to conform to the male role.
So, throughout our lives there is a voice of insecurity inside, whispering to us, coaxing us, trying to tease its way to the surface. And all the while, all the voices of friends, family and society are battling back and trying to beat down those femine feelings. So an anxiety grows. In almost every situation we live through, an internal conversation is going on in our minds between the two sides...and a fear is nestled quietly behind every word thought and movement that we will be discovered..caught...unmasked and revealed as the ...whatever we are...but less than the normal everyday male we purport to be. That fear lies beneath everything....sometimes a barely audible whisper, but sometimes a roaring symphony of nearly unbearable tension. And throughout all of this there is also the series of distractions born of self denial. Going through a shoe store surrounded by womens shoes can be a nightmare. Watching a beautiful woman pass and knowing part of you wants to date that woman but part of you wants to be that woman.
And so to battle this many turn to ultra male things...the army, sports, even fathering kids...only to realize later that it will never go away and in fact gets louder and stronger the longer it is denied.
So we learn to embrace the female. But then we must still face the demons, real and imaginary. The wife who decides she wants a real man. The taunts of strangers faced with a "man in a dress". The employer who suddenly decides we are no longer employable. It can be devastating.
But it can also be joyous. After a lifetime of denial, the simple act of being fully dressed and standing in public in a night club dancing was a moment of simple and powerful euphoria I will never forget.
The thing to remember....none if us asked to be born this way. Most would, if they could, take a pill and make it go away. But that isnt possible. We just have to live with who we are and the little joke life played on us. It is ok. It could be worse. We could have been born with no legs, or in Somalia, you know?
Thanks for asking!
Hugs
Sammie