[SarahSchilling]

I find this horrible. It's already bad to have small breasts and large shoulders. I'd freak out if I had a penis, I'd try to cut it out myself lol. Better yet if I died in the attempt.

So I'm wondering how you girls-in-men's-bodies deal with it. About 1/5 of the transgender commit suicide. You must be very strong, you seem so cool-headed writing here. Lol.
When did you find out that you were transgender (or wanted to look feminine?)
How was it to tell your parents?
When you're done in your transformation, will you consider yourself a WOMAN?
Do your friends & acquaintances & family know?

Hmm, its a bit difficult to answer the question of how it feels to be transgender. I mean, if someone asked you what it was like to be a woman, or a "normal" male what it was like to be one, they probably would not know what to say. I'll try to describe it anyways.

It feels depressing. It's hard to trust anyone when you feel like you're constantly lying yourself. It's also hard to take anyone else at face value. Often times I think people who seem to like me wouldn't like me at all if they really knew who I was. You realize how superficial the majority of social interaction is, and also that you yourself are no different.

None of us are all that strong. There were times that I didn't care if I lived or not. Humans are adaptable though, just like any natural organism. Transgender survival is a form of social evolution, if you will. The traits as a child that are praised by adults and peers get confirmed, and those that are met negatively are suppressed. It sucks, but everyone conforms to some degree, especially as an impressionable child.

When did I "find out"? I never really did, as I've stated before my earliest memories are of praying to God every night that I would wake up as a female. Perhaps I'm different than most bio males here, but I also really don't have a "male" or a "female" side. I'm just me, and "me" is mostly feminine aside from the remnants of the male facade I built over the years to safely interact with others. My true nature would always come to the surface in relationships though. I was/am attracted to women but playing the male role sexually always felt like something I was "supposed" to want to do, not something I actually wanted to do. It was pretty confusing, to say the least. Like Clara, I would also have to imagine myself as a female to achieve orgasm. Sorry if thats TMI, but she said it first! lol

Telling my mom was scary, but she was cool about it. My dad passed a little over 2 years, so I never told him. I'm not sure I could have, he would've hated me for it.

Will I ever consider myself a woman? I mean, I kind of always did mentally. I'm not sure I ever will physically, but I hope I will someday.

My one close friend irl knows, and I've told my mom and brother. I don't see the point in telling acquaintances, although it seems like most of them don't treat me like a guy anyways. People on that level of familiarity can wait until I transfer and transition into Sarah to find out, if at all.

Hope this was informative! I don't really bother to respond to many serious threads anymore, because I feel I've probably typed all of this at some point before on here.

Not sure why you think I'm mysterious, Clara. LOL