23-05-2014, 01:39 AM
Hi Colleen,
Yes, we are a cool bunch, aren't we?
As I see it, there are transsexuals who want to be women 24/7, and there are many more of us who, to varying degrees, are ambivalent about our gender. A part of us is female, but a large part, often the majority, is male. Still, the female part produces conflict, often subconsciously. The gender dysphoria (GD) shows up in various ways at various intensities.
In my case, my female identity was completely subconscious. I didn't understand that I was transgender until very late in life. GD showed up as an arousal response to fantasies of having breasts and becoming a woman (called crossdreaming). These fantasies were pleasurable and calming, and often necessary to achieve orgasm. There was a lot of shame and guilt associated with acting out the fantasies by cross dressing, watching certain types of pornographic videos, and engaging in various sexual practices bordering on the extreme.
Once I discovered my inner woman and began to accept her existence, the anxiety responses that I mentioned vanished almost over night. Shifting my hormone balance from T to E (a consequence of taking daily doses of PM), was the catalyst for this huge transformation.
Giving my feminine personality freedom of expression made it unnecessary to relieve the tension that would build up through the suppression/denial of her existence. With the acceptance and support of my wife, and the opportunity and permission to reveal my feminine side (if only in private), I have become a much happier and healthier person.
Will I transition to life as a woman? I don't think so. It's not necessary, nor practical for me to do so. I can live with a penis even though there are days I wish it weren't there. There are aspects of being male that I want to preserve even as I allow a lot of feminine behavior to exist in parallel. I think my male and female genders can coexist in a single mind and body. Does that make sense to you?
Will I come out to friends and family? Probably not, unless forced to. Again, it's not necessary if I intend to live as a man most of the time. But, who can predict the course of this journey? I've given up trying.
Will I be happy splitting my gender expression between man and woman over the long run? That is a question that will only be answered by the passage of time.
Clara
Yes, we are a cool bunch, aren't we?
As I see it, there are transsexuals who want to be women 24/7, and there are many more of us who, to varying degrees, are ambivalent about our gender. A part of us is female, but a large part, often the majority, is male. Still, the female part produces conflict, often subconsciously. The gender dysphoria (GD) shows up in various ways at various intensities.
In my case, my female identity was completely subconscious. I didn't understand that I was transgender until very late in life. GD showed up as an arousal response to fantasies of having breasts and becoming a woman (called crossdreaming). These fantasies were pleasurable and calming, and often necessary to achieve orgasm. There was a lot of shame and guilt associated with acting out the fantasies by cross dressing, watching certain types of pornographic videos, and engaging in various sexual practices bordering on the extreme.
Once I discovered my inner woman and began to accept her existence, the anxiety responses that I mentioned vanished almost over night. Shifting my hormone balance from T to E (a consequence of taking daily doses of PM), was the catalyst for this huge transformation.
Giving my feminine personality freedom of expression made it unnecessary to relieve the tension that would build up through the suppression/denial of her existence. With the acceptance and support of my wife, and the opportunity and permission to reveal my feminine side (if only in private), I have become a much happier and healthier person.
Will I transition to life as a woman? I don't think so. It's not necessary, nor practical for me to do so. I can live with a penis even though there are days I wish it weren't there. There are aspects of being male that I want to preserve even as I allow a lot of feminine behavior to exist in parallel. I think my male and female genders can coexist in a single mind and body. Does that make sense to you?
Will I come out to friends and family? Probably not, unless forced to. Again, it's not necessary if I intend to live as a man most of the time. But, who can predict the course of this journey? I've given up trying.
Will I be happy splitting my gender expression between man and woman over the long run? That is a question that will only be answered by the passage of time.
Clara