[❇ Abby ❇]

Oh, of course you do, the way you took it. You did not understand what I was saying, maybe it wasn't clear enough on my part. As I mentioned, anything can be perverted and even being in a non sexual way. I already know that its not always a sexual thing with CD.

per·vert
verb
pərˈvərt/
1.
alter (something) from its original course, meaning, or state to a distortion or corruption of what was first intended.
"he was charged with conspiring to pervert the course of justice"
synonyms: distort, corrupt, subvert, twist, bend, abuse, misapply, misuse, misrepresent, misinterpret, falsify More

That was what I was saying, perversion of the female identity. I never mentioned doing CD strictly it out of a sexual need.

OK maybe there is a miscommunication and I apologise if I took it the wrong way. The words pervert, perversion, etc are mostly used as derogatory terms.

But that's the thing what is that to you? And what exactly do you wish to accomplish with your appearance? Is it just pure enjoyment on your part? Or is it how the world views you? And if so, do you wish to be seen as a man to be femmed up abit? Is there a desire to pass as a female and to be treated as a lady at times? There is a reason that you want to show it (if its out in public). Now if its only intimate, whole notha story.

Me personally, I am a woman trapped in mans body and it's only lately that I have come to terms and excepted it and not fighting against it anymore. I would like to be passable if possible but who knows if I ever will and it's not most important to me. What I want to achieve is some semblance of peace and connection within myself. As it is at the moment I am conflicting opposite that are forced to share the same space. Changing my iner-self, my personality, thoughts and feelings is impossible, but I can do something about this body I have.

Look, I find men sexy in a little eyeliner and long flowing hair so that is no issue, clean shaven. Have I ever mentioned, I LOVE and am obsessed with the Hairspray Rock Era of the late 70's and 80's! Tight pants, makeup, hair, you bring it, Ill live a fantasy, but these rockers were still men, sexy and masculine enough.

Back to fem expression whys. so that's great and all, but I don't want to have to treat him like a man would treat a woman. Its how he wears it, if he wears makeup and clothing in desires to be treated as a woman by the world, that's where I personally find an issue if it were me having my husband beside me. Its just unnecessary. And I would never treat him like garbage, ever because he is still someone special! Now, I have never been in a CD sit, so I have no idea what I would actually do or how I would feel. Its just a hypothetical opinion.

80's Rock and Metal for me. Massive GnR fan. Iron Maiden, Queen, Scorpions, Motorhead.

Yes I can understand what you mean and its difficult for me to comment. My ex excepted my need to dress as it helped settle the turmoil from my gender issue. She taught me about makeup and nail care. Not that i've used the makeup advice. I could dress female all I liked, just not in-front of her. We broke up for normal world reasons, nothing to do with gender identity.

Can I also point out that the guy might be just as confused and bemused by this change as you are. It's also shows incredible trust in your partner to open up to them and show a vulnerability on this scale.

As I have seen in the forum, the wives find their husband's CD'ing to do with dips of wanting to be seen in some way as a female, so they feel its a form of entitlement (that nature has not given them), appalling and selfish.

I don't have much experience of other cross dressers. Only written experiences and online blogs. I would expect there to be various reasons. I find it comforting, normal. I sometimes sit and read the paper, watch tv or do house work! Just normal life with a dress on.

If you have the feminine side of your self internally, why do you have to portray it on the outside? Many wives NEED to know. If the most important ones in your life know you inside, what does it matter that you look more male on the outside?
This is what is leading me to think for some that it must have to do with how you want others to treat you, now if its only in private, I can see it would be a totally different reason , but that's just it, every one is different, there's no telling, only that person. All I see are a bunch of confused, distraught women and men fighting a part of themselves about it.

I can only tell you about my point of view. The important people in my life were the people I hid it from. My farther was in the army, strong viewed, physically powerful and no nonsense. My mother was prim and proper but also disabled. At school between age 5 - 8 I was bullied off and on. From age 9 until 16 bullied every single day. By both boys and girls. Any bruises, cuts and grazes were just put down to boys being boys. I was told to stand up for myself, to face the bullies. Everyone goes through it. You can't let the side down, fight back. In my last year at school I was hospitalised 3 times. In floods of tears I begged a teacher that I trusted to help me. I was told to "Pull myself together and to just keep away from them". My father died without any idea how bad my school was. I opened up to my mother when I was about 30, told her of my school days. She said she had not realised how bad it was.
I could not tell them I was Transgender. I simply would have lost my family. In later years caring for my mother I could not say anything because of the worry, hurt and upset it would have caused her. She died last year.

I personally love it when a man is not all macho. I hate that so much. I love a more understanding, soft hearted man. At the same time, I want to be the female in the relationship, its just the way it is for most straight women. Though I feel I have an inner male side too and find women attractive, but Nature gave me a V and with that comes pride to be female desire of my male partner.

Now this thing about matching your inner with your outer, if its entirely only for you, fine! Now if you have this idea of expressing yourself for others to accept you, you are always going to be in a world of hurt, its because if its feminizing that you are doing, you must remember how the world of most straight people will see you, and that is either male or female. How will they treat you? Like a lady? Or a man? Do you prefer to be called, sir or madam? Would it bother you if you were treated as a sir when you are out and about femmed up?Or is it just comforting to switch up a style yet have the world see that you are all male but in fashionable attire. Its diff for everyone, I know. But its you that has to figure out why you do it and why it bothers you that the world is not accepting. To be honest, I think the lesson here is compassion on both ends, the wives and husbands who CD.
I dont think you will see a change in the world in your lifetime, but maybe it will happen one day.

One thing and I know this sound horrible. But, why should I give a stuff what society/people thinks? I'm not hurting anyone except myself if I don't at least try to become what I feel I should be. I am single with no dependants. One family member to have a quiet chat with about things. Then I am free to build whatever future I see fit. Yes I'm a bit of a mess when it comes to self confidence. Depression and anxiety are normal for me. but I'm on a upwards curve, so depression will go and anxieties will lesson for a time. It's possible PM might even help. I'm going to continue my research, come up with my plan of action and see where it takes me.
Will I be upset by the way people address me? Probably not. How they treat me? Depends. I get upset now at intolerance, racism, sexism, bullying and good old fashioned rudeness.


I hope this helps.

Denita