It's been awhile since I started and posted to this thread. I came back here today to reread the many good postings on the subject of spousal acceptance of one's TG inclinations when the matter was raised once more by Andrea23 on the main forum.
So, what, if anything, has happened since mid-January in my case?
I had mentioned back then that after the initial shock of my announced TG nature subsided, my DW settled into a pattern of acceptance and support. Her attitude was unexpected to say the least which is why I kept my secret for so long. I've even had thoughts like "this is too good to be true", so in the intervening months, I've kept my antennae up looking for signs that, maybe, deep down she harbored apprehensions that were being carefully suppressed for reasons unknown.
That sounds like I don't trust my wife...LOL That's not true, but let's face it, married folks do keep secrets from each other for the sake of the marriage. I wouldn't be completely surprised if she one day admitted that she's not all that keen on my TG 'hobby', but that she's willing to overlook it for my sake, and for the sake of staying together at this late stage of our lives.
So far, that doesn't seem to be the case. She has supported me to such an extent that it's hard to imagine that her expressed feelings aren't genuine. It's a good feeling for me to know that I can act in a way that expresses my femme side and not feel funny about it. If there's any down side at all, it might be that her unconditional acceptance encourages me to transition faster than I should (like barreling down an incline without any brakes..LOL).
Interestingly, that kind of freedom of expression makes it just as easy for me to slip back into male mode when the situation calls for it without concern that my gender flip-flopping will be seen as hypocritical or, worse yet, nutty.
After 5 months since coming out to her, we still have talks about our feelings and how they are evolving. I think that's important for keeping us on the same page, so to speak. What's also a pleasant surprise is how my wife will share her thoughts more openly, for example, recounting a dream of an erotic nature that reveals something of her sexuality that she would never have dared share in the past.
I feel very fortunate to be in this situation, and I do not mean to come across as bragging. I think it's important for others to know that acceptance and support by one's spouse is achievable, and not to discount that possibility from the start. The key is to start a dialogue, anticipating possible reasons for resistance and trying to neutralize them early. In my opinion, real or imagined fears on both sides are the main obstacles to arriving at a mutually agreeable solution that addresses yours and your spouse's needs. Preparation is critical to a productive dialogue.
This has been a somewhat long winded post, but I hope it helps those of you who are wondering how to best approach your loved one.
Good luck.
Clara
So, what, if anything, has happened since mid-January in my case?
I had mentioned back then that after the initial shock of my announced TG nature subsided, my DW settled into a pattern of acceptance and support. Her attitude was unexpected to say the least which is why I kept my secret for so long. I've even had thoughts like "this is too good to be true", so in the intervening months, I've kept my antennae up looking for signs that, maybe, deep down she harbored apprehensions that were being carefully suppressed for reasons unknown.
That sounds like I don't trust my wife...LOL That's not true, but let's face it, married folks do keep secrets from each other for the sake of the marriage. I wouldn't be completely surprised if she one day admitted that she's not all that keen on my TG 'hobby', but that she's willing to overlook it for my sake, and for the sake of staying together at this late stage of our lives.
So far, that doesn't seem to be the case. She has supported me to such an extent that it's hard to imagine that her expressed feelings aren't genuine. It's a good feeling for me to know that I can act in a way that expresses my femme side and not feel funny about it. If there's any down side at all, it might be that her unconditional acceptance encourages me to transition faster than I should (like barreling down an incline without any brakes..LOL).
Interestingly, that kind of freedom of expression makes it just as easy for me to slip back into male mode when the situation calls for it without concern that my gender flip-flopping will be seen as hypocritical or, worse yet, nutty.
After 5 months since coming out to her, we still have talks about our feelings and how they are evolving. I think that's important for keeping us on the same page, so to speak. What's also a pleasant surprise is how my wife will share her thoughts more openly, for example, recounting a dream of an erotic nature that reveals something of her sexuality that she would never have dared share in the past.
I feel very fortunate to be in this situation, and I do not mean to come across as bragging. I think it's important for others to know that acceptance and support by one's spouse is achievable, and not to discount that possibility from the start. The key is to start a dialogue, anticipating possible reasons for resistance and trying to neutralize them early. In my opinion, real or imagined fears on both sides are the main obstacles to arriving at a mutually agreeable solution that addresses yours and your spouse's needs. Preparation is critical to a productive dialogue.
This has been a somewhat long winded post, but I hope it helps those of you who are wondering how to best approach your loved one.
Good luck.
Clara