07-03-2014, 05:41 AM
I want to thank you all for responding. Thank You. I'm dealing with this the best and only way I can.. slowly. I'm no longer taking any herbals as of right now (and YES herbals DO work, the pain in your nipples is a sure sign, have had plenty of growth in my breasts, hips, thighs, loss of muscle mass and have become much more feminine). I'm looking for a therapist to help me understand my feelings. I came out to my Aunt and my cousin (who thought she was gay, and possibly FtM) and a few other friends about my feelings and told them I was going to continue to explore this. My cousin of course is by biggest supporter and is such an amazing person. She's still battling with her identity and since I came out to her she's finding it easier to cope with her situation so we're helping each other. 
I still can't find the courage to tell my Mom and sister. I want to have some time with a therapist to maybe help me ease this on my family. I'm trying to do this as responsibly as I can. It's very easy to say fuck you all this is me, quite another when I value the other lives around me. I'm going to do what I have to do for my own well being but I need the other, most important, people in my life to be on board or at least be aware of what I'm doing. I love them and they need to know. It's frustrating and immensely difficult but this needs to be done for ME. If I'm disowned by my mom and sis, I have my Aunt and cousin. I'm hoping after some time I can at least have my sister in my corner. She's beautiful and would be a great help to get me moving in the right direction. I can go on and on for days with this reply but am going to cut off right here. My self-esteem is not an issue nor has it ever been. I was always and am (for now) cute. 35 years old but look like a teenager. I don't imagine hrt will be that hard on me because only 3 months of herbals really showed their worth. Maybe my testoterone is just super-low? Therapy will help me find myself. Doctors will help me get the meds I need to BE myself. I thank you all for letting me air my laundry, responding, offering me your ear, etc... I have some things to take care of in the next coming weeks and I will keep you posted. Thank you all. Jen.
I still can't find the courage to tell my Mom and sister. I want to have some time with a therapist to maybe help me ease this on my family. I'm trying to do this as responsibly as I can. It's very easy to say fuck you all this is me, quite another when I value the other lives around me. I'm going to do what I have to do for my own well being but I need the other, most important, people in my life to be on board or at least be aware of what I'm doing. I love them and they need to know. It's frustrating and immensely difficult but this needs to be done for ME. If I'm disowned by my mom and sis, I have my Aunt and cousin. I'm hoping after some time I can at least have my sister in my corner. She's beautiful and would be a great help to get me moving in the right direction. I can go on and on for days with this reply but am going to cut off right here. My self-esteem is not an issue nor has it ever been. I was always and am (for now) cute. 35 years old but look like a teenager. I don't imagine hrt will be that hard on me because only 3 months of herbals really showed their worth. Maybe my testoterone is just super-low? Therapy will help me find myself. Doctors will help me get the meds I need to BE myself. I thank you all for letting me air my laundry, responding, offering me your ear, etc... I have some things to take care of in the next coming weeks and I will keep you posted. Thank you all. Jen.