[BillieA]

Good Day Everyone,

My name is Billie, I am 60 years old and a LOOOOONG time lurker (lurker...it sounds so creepy doesn't it......let's use "vicarious learner" instead )! LOL! Anyway, I have utilized FG, PM, RC, REISHI off and on over the years and have a "little" growth.  I have used supple nips....they did bring on some decent increase in nipple size, both protrusion and circumference. Increased sensitivity a little as well, which I love, and want it to increase even more. I want to touch them all the time and my wife seems to like them as well, although she claims she does it for me and my pleasure but she does seem to enjoy it too.
I just received my prescription of estradiol valerate,. 3 ml injected subQ once a week.  Took first shot on Tuesday.  It's Thursday and darnit.....no growth yet, no hips, no butt.......lol......just kidding of course.  But seriously, can the E be supplemented with herbs or PM, and if so, what works best?


For transparency sake, I got my first prescription of estradiol a few months back, .3 ml injected subQ. Took 1 dose and freaked........threw it all away. Why? Because I am, and always have been a woman......known since 6 years old.  But back then, no term for it and no tolerance for it.  So I hyper masculanized......sports, military, construction.....anything and everything to battle this civil war going on inside me.  It worked a little, for a time.  Got married, had 5 kids and have 3 grands....decently successful career.  My wife of 30 years is my absolute best friend and soulmate. And when I say she adores me and I adore her, I am not being hyperbolic.  We have the kind of marriage that is almost fairy tale. We have weathered so, so much. I would like to think come hell or high water we can weather this. 2 years ago I dropped the nuclear bomb on her about my gender dysphoria and it almost ended us. I agreed to go to counseling but it did not help, although I told her it did.  I compartmentalized it, hid it. But it is RAGING INSIDE ME. I feel as if I will exlode sometimes but I CAN'T LOSE HER but I CAN'T NOT LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE AS A WOMAN! I am not Suicidal, but I don't want to live without her and I don't want to live if I can't live as a woman. I literally do not know what to do. Here I am secretly pursuing my transition, knowing it's absolutely the wrong way to go about it, but hopeful that as she sees the small changes she will be OK with them.  I think I am deluding myself. What a conundrum I am in.  I am blissfully happy in my marriage to her but tormented by wanting to transition. 

Is there anyone in a similar boat, that had a positive outcome with their wife, meaning still married? How can I navigate this.....transition and still keep my beautiful soulmate? I feel very selfish and self-centered because if I do what I need to for me, I will no doubt blow her world up. 

HELP PLEASE!

[Heaven's Night]

Your story isn't new, this keeps repeating so much, and there's no easy solution to it. I can't offer understanding for your life situation as mine is completely different. I had super easy choise of transitioning as there was nothing to stop me and I got lucky with understanding partner. It was almost a clean slate anyway, no long history, no kids and so on.

I will advice you with a question, which matters to you the most, easy life with family or your authenticity? Your own happiness or ease of existence of those around you? Its not you having to face the changes in that way, its people around you. They must transition their minds as you transition your body.

Will you live true to yourself or go to your grave as you lived for others?

[flamesabers]

Hello Billie,

I'm not married, nor do I have a serious partner, so my opinion will be as an outsider. I think the question to ask yourself (if you pursue medically transitioning) is what do you think would be the best way for your wife to find out? Do you think she would want to get the news directly from you? Or draw her own conclusions as your body feminizes from being on HRT?

In regards to being on HRT and NBE herbs, I think the latter is unnecessary. At an adequate dosage, HRT will feminize your body by itself.

[Heaven's Night]

Unnecessary? Maybe not. For forty years and older I definitely recommend some supplementation due to conventional HRT alone being kinda simple as fuck. Its very easy to boost its effectiveness, I don't think estradiol, blocker and prog alone are enough when the entire hormone setup covers several hundred hormones and the essential ones are definitely more than E2 and P4. 

At very least to any person of any age, I would say take a decently good multivitamin, add up enough vitamin D3 so there's at least not a deficiency, its essential for IGF-1 levels. And then add some amino acids, anything that boosts growth hormone and growth factors will help a lot. I should insert the oblicatory cancer warning here, if there's suspicion of cancer, anything boosting HGH and growth factors is very dangerous so in that case all those items have to be dropped. Otherwise anything that helps with GH levels is highly beneficial to anyone who's over fifty years old as that's the age when these levels start to naturally drop.

[BillieA]

Heavens Night, first off let me say that you have an AMAZING pair of breasts, and as much as I admire them, not sure I am going that big.....but Honey...you are an inspiration to be sure. And you are a beautiful woman.  I can only hope that my transition will be as successful.

Now, what's more important......is it cheating to say that they are as equally important to me?  I honestly can't exist without my best friend and soulmate AND I do not want to stop my transition.....I can't pick one over the other.  NEUTRALITY I know.....not an answer I know.  But it is exactly how I feel. I feel there is a glimmer of hope as she does appear to, at least, not be put off by what little growth I have and the fact that my nipples are somewhat sensitive (again, she says she does it for me because it brings me pleasure......sorry for the big share....don't mean to offend or get R rated..lol!) And she calls me beautiful (for a man) which, wow, does something to hear that.....a small bit of emotional validation. The problem is that she was emphatically clear 2 years ago when I cameout to her, that she could not accept it and she was not a lesbian ( a valid point, however, at this pont in my life I am not planning to have any bottom surgery, which I don't think will make any difference to her as if , in her eyes at least, I am 99% woman with male genitalia). I can obviously justify in my own mind, me being a trans woman with a penis, as I want to still be intimate with her but can she transition to that reality. That is the $64,000 question.

Here is the kicker,  I am and always have been family-centric, yet, the only person that I fully care about accepting me ( I do care about the rest of the family), the only one I can't live without is my wife. OH, MY, MY ,MY.....what to do...what to do.

As I reread all this, it strikes me that this is somewhat of a rhetorical post, as there really isn't any answer other than what I choose to do.

[Curvyguy]

Exactly it's your choice if you feel that big a need to transition then do so as you only be miserable if you don't. I'm lucky to have a soulmate that is female to male trans man and he understands my need for breasts as he feels I maybe slightly intersex myself with my physical attributes. Plus I have met trans women with and without there original penis and they still as female as any cis female out there. 

You have to do whatever makes you happy and your partner will have to adapt herself to fact to yeah she will technically be in a lesbian relationship but you still love her with the same ferocity as you always have. Good luck Billie

[Heaven's Night]

Heavens Night, first off let me say that you have an AMAZING pair of breasts, and as much as I admire them, not sure I am going that big.....but Honey...you are an inspiration to be sure. And you are a beautiful woman.  I can only hope that my transition will be as successful.

Now, what's more important......is it cheating to say that they are as equally important to me?  I honestly can't exist without my best friend and soulmate AND I do not want to stop my transition.....I can't pick one over the other.  NEUTRALITY I know.....not an answer I know.  But it is exactly how I feel. I feel there is a glimmer of hope as she does appear to, at least, not be put off by what little growth I have and the fact that my nipples are somewhat sensitive (again, she says she does it for me because it brings me pleasure......sorry for the big share....don't mean to offend or get R rated..lol!) And she calls me beautiful (for a man) which, wow, does something to hear that.....a small bit of emotional validation. The problem is that she was emphatically clear 2 years ago when I cameout to her, that she could not accept it and she was not a lesbian ( a valid point, however, at this pont in my life I am not planning to have any bottom surgery, which I don't think will make any difference to her as if , in her eyes at least, I am 99% woman with male genitalia). I can obviously justify in my own mind, me being a trans woman with a penis, as I want to still be intimate with her but can she transition to that reality. That is the $64,000 question.

Here is the kicker,  I am and always have been family-centric, yet, the only person that I fully care about accepting me ( I do care about the rest of the family), the only one I can't live without is my wife. OH, MY, MY ,MY.....what to do...what to do.

As I reread all this, it strikes me that this is somewhat of a rhetorical post, as there really isn't any answer other than what I choose to do.

Thank you.

Obviously you don't want to choose. Hell I didn't either, I lost a ton of friends, but all those who truly mattered have stayed. You might need a lot of time to process the whole thing. And I suggest you start to talk to your wife about it, kids too. Everybody close to you MUST face it if you transition, there's no other way, they must face it and learn to accept it. Good news is, most poeple can once they learn what its about and what happens when a loved one transitions. Its far less complicated than people make it seem like, mostly its just external to all others and having to deal with new name/pronouns etc., but that's all just the surface part of the social transition THEY must do along with us.

About staying non op, many do that by choise these days, but even more stay non op due to prohibitive costs. I wish it would be only a question of needs, but mostly its always about money. For me bottom surgery is a do or die question, and right now it seems I'm getting to the finishline faster than anticipated.

I would suggest you start to talk with your wife about this, at least make sure she knows that you want to transition and now you guys need to figure out how to proceed about it. Untreated dysphoria kills, and it can be extremely painful, usually when its realised it will keep snowballing until its dealt with. For it was bearable for about thirty six year and then I was over the edge with only one way out and that is to fix everything nature messed up with. Don't fall into thinking that you've made this far and would make it further, the best time to transition was yesterday, the second best is right now. Denial and running away will never fix how you feel about yourself.

[flamesabers]

Now, what's more important......is it cheating to say that they are as equally important to me?  I honestly can't exist without my best friend and soulmate AND I do not want to stop my transition.....I can't pick one over the other.  NEUTRALITY I know.....not an answer I know.  But it is exactly how I feel. I feel there is a glimmer of hope as she does appear to, at least, not be put off by what little growth I have and the fact that my nipples are somewhat sensitive (again, she says she does it for me because it brings me pleasure......sorry for the big share....don't mean to offend or get R rated..lol!) And she calls me beautiful (for a man) which, wow, does something to hear that.....a small bit of emotional validation. The problem is that she was emphatically clear 2 years ago when I cameout to her, that she could not accept it and she was not a lesbian ( a valid point, however, at this pont in my life I am not planning to have any bottom surgery, which I don't think will make any difference to her as if , in her eyes at least, I am 99% woman with male genitalia). I can obviously justify in my own mind, me being a trans woman with a penis, as I want to still be intimate with her but can she transition to that reality. That is the $64,000 question.

Here is the kicker,  I am and always have been family-centric, yet, the only person that I fully care about accepting me ( I do care about the rest of the family), the only one I can't live without is my wife. OH, MY, MY ,MY.....what to do...what to do.

As I reread all this, it strikes me that this is somewhat of a rhetorical post, as there really isn't any answer other than what I choose to do.

I don't think it's cheating to say you equally prioritize transitioning and staying married to your wife. Hopefully you don't have to pick one over the other.

I feel the trouble is if you pursue transitioning in secret, it becomes a "lie of omission" for your wife.

[Mindhak]

Hopefully your wife is doing her own research on her own time and hopefully she will understand that she’s not losing the person that she fell in love with.

If she wants you to be happy she will accept it.  If not,  and you choose to be happy yourself I can tell you there are a ton of woman who love it.   Just make sure they are Bi.   Trust me I’m on Bumble and I know.