and here`s what happened during the year later...

4 weeks after these posts I went Full Time as me right up until now, with no exceptions. I let the sadness turn to Resentment, and the resentment into Defiance, which lead to Action. I came out to Everyone! no exceptions either, i was a Driven, Fierce and unstoppable!
even told the in-laws. my father in-laws` reaction (the one I worried about most) was nothing short of stunning! he was like "oh, ok" and that was that!
seriously, as if it was a new book I bought or something, just "oh, ok" LOL

lesson: watch out for Paper Tigers! the REAL Monsters (other than the ones that wear business suits) Live in our own heads!

to date I`v had No bad reactions from comming out, and Sooo many good ones! my fave was my friend Rob, he saw me as me for the first time and his jaw needed lifting off the floor "Wow!!.... you look..(pause to think of words...) Beautiful!" and he couldn`t keep his eyes off me LOL. my other male friends think nothing of going out somewhere with me in public, a drink or meal (or a Computer museum  or 2).
the only unexpected reaction was with my mother, who at First seemed to be accepting and made atempts to understand, but kept dead naming in public,  hasn`t spoken to me for nearly 3 months now. her loss! I don`t need her brand of passive agressive judgementalism in my life anyway

But what`s been Really nice is the amount of friends I`v made Since I came out, none of them ever knew "him" and most have no idea that I`m trans*,  a lot of them are other school moms that you meet almost daily and get chatting etc... and then go out together for days out or breakfasts or picnics etc... all very Ordinary Normal stuff, and it`s Awesome!   I get all sorts of party invites, even invited to ball in feb next year (still need to sort myself a nice ball gown for that one!). everything i ever wanted was always just on the other side of fear!


Comfort Zones are over-rated anyway!

I am so glad things are sorting out for you.   During the American Depression of the 30's our president stated...  "The only thing to fear, is fear itself!".  Or something to that nature mening that which you put best.  So many times our fears are sometimes worse than the reality that comes.

Only thing that can be said is chin up.  We share the same cruise ship and I'v e finally raised the white flag.  I tried the macho thing, many different drugs, tobacco, alcohol, workaholic you name it.  I stopped it all (except the alcohol- but I will) and nothing suppressed or erased the fact of I am what I am.  I have two great children, I pray they remain in my life, my wife and I have an agreement for separation and I hope she doesn't entirely float away, but I realize after everything its a do or die situation for me.  Ive been on the forum for a good while, and while swimming around in denial I have learned much from all and respect each and everyones goals and desires.  As for me, where I live they just opened and informed consent clinic.  I called Thursday to request an appointment for getting my prescription for HRT.  In my email I shared I have been DIY, am certainly I have GID and that I intend to start a complete transition. They called yesterday and said they would love to see me.  I woke up this morning the happiest I can recall in a long time.  Dont get me wrong, I take great joy in many things, its just Ive never found happiness in me.  So as for coming out, nice to meet you all... my name is Mindy.  Mayko was a screen name.  Mindy is a person no longer denied.

Go Girl ! <3 

it`s an amazing journey, and Sooooo worth it!
and when you realise this yourself, don`t fall into the "i should have done this earlier" trap and the self pity spiral, it`s better to be late to the party than not arrive at all! xx