It feels good to be here - Printable Version
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It feels good to be here - GraceB - 26-05-2014
Hello everyone! I've spent some time reading here, have learned a lot, and I'd like to be part of your community. There are so many knowledgeable and wise people here, and you are very kind too - I really look forward to talking with you and, at times, to having your guidance.
Just over two months ago, I started taking PM. I was afraid my wife would pick up the intent of the herb if she accepted a shipment of a bottled product, so I ordered the powder in a foil pouch through Amazon. The powder is probably the real thing, but I've heard that many herbs are not in fact what they claim to be, so I've always worried that I might be relying on corn starch! Besides, 500 grams for about $35 seemed too good to be true! So, I finally ordered Ainterol PM and I am confident it is what it says it is. The PM experiences described on this site (and also on the Ainterol forum) have been so encouraging, and I feel like I'm well on my way now.
I am 57, married, and have an adult son who lives with us. But going back a bit, I've wanted to be a girl since I was three or four years old, when I'd put on my sister's clothes. My mother must have run out of patience at one point, because one morning she was clearly cross with me, and when it was time to get dressed for the day, she made me choose between my boy pants and a girl's slip. I wanted the slip but answered the way she wanted me to. Quite a formative experience! I've so often wondered what would have happened if I'd chosen the slip. Would I have been punished? I don't think so - that would have been so unfair. On the other hand, could I really have been raised as a girl in the 1960s? My parents would have gotten in trouble with social services, or at least with the school system. That event didn't "cure" me of course, though I probably spent more time after that imagining - always that I was becoming a girl partially or completely. There were plenty of other instances of cross-dressing, leg shaving, etc., and I leveled with my wife-to-be before our engagement. She was always rather frightened by strongly male guys, so I think she saw was relieved in a way, though she didn't understand it - it was only OK if it was like "doll dressing" as she once called it. If it was overtly sexual, meaning that it entered into our intimacy, she was really scared and also angry. There's been no sexual relationship for about 25 years now, my wife's choice, not mine, but there has been love.
Shortly after I turned 56, I was struck by a fear that I was running out of time, or that I already had run out of time. Unlike in the past, when the desire to be a woman would come and go, this time it just stayed. Things came to a head when I told my wife I was going to start HRT. I won't go into this too much, but it nearly broke our marriage, and it put greater distance between us. She said some hard things to me that I've not been able to come to terms with, but on one point we agreed. Our son, who is emotionally unstable, almost certainly cannot cope with a transgender parent. He is tolerant, unlike my wife, but if this happened in our home I'm afraid he might become self-destructive, as he has in the past. So, I canceled my appointment with a counselor where I'd hoped to start down the path to HRT. This was a very low point, and I struggled for awhile. I wasn't suicidal, but I didn't want to live, until I thought I might be able to do something to get out of the sadness, not HRT for now (until or unless our son is much stronger), but some steps toward a goal. So, I started learning about foods and herbs that would block DHT, would mimic estradiol in the body, or both. I started eating ground pumpkin seeds, fenugreek, soybeans, and anise. Then I first heard about P. Mirifica. It seemed amazing, but of course most "authorities" said that all herbal feminization was really not possible. But it is possible. I believe the people who've posted their stories on this and on other sites.
So, I'm now taking PM, 3000 mg/day (high I know), RC, 2400 mg/day, SP, 5400 mg/day, plus about a tablespoon of ground fenugreek baked into a muffin each morning. I also plan to start spearmint soon. The only side effect of note is insomnia, though I can’t say for sure this is caused by the herbs. PM does increase blood flow to the head, I think, and this might interfere with sleep. However, my body/brain does seem to be adapting. I’ve only been on the current regimen for a short time. To date my results are quite small; I don't wear T-shirts about the house any more.
My goals are to have a much reduced male sexual function (ideally none at all) and to have a feminine form, including small to medium sized breasts. Given current circumstances, I'll have to pass as male, and I'll tell anyone (including my son) who notices the physical changes, that it is a medical issue, but that fortunately there is no serious illness involved. (My wife will know the truth though.) There is no reasonable choice but to be surreptitious now, but it feels lonely to hide who I am. So that is one of the reasons why I came here. So again, hello everyone!
[/i]
RE: It feels good to be here - Missed Miss - 26-05-2014
(26-05-2014, 05:02 AM)GraceB Wrote: Hello everyone! I've spent some time reading here, have learned a lot, and I'd like to be part of your community. There are so many knowledgeable and wise people here, and you are very kind too - I really look forward to talking with you and, at times, to having your guidance.
Just over two months ago, I started taking PM. I was afraid my wife would pick up the intent of the herb if she accepted a shipment of a bottled product, so I ordered the powder in a foil pouch through Amazon. The powder is probably the real thing, but I've heard that many herbs are not in fact what they claim to be, so I've always worried that I might be relying on corn starch! Besides, 500 grams for about $35 seemed too good to be true! So, I finally ordered Ainterol PM and I am confident it is what it says it is. The PM experiences described on this site (and also on the Ainterol forum) have been so encouraging, and I feel like I'm well on my way now.
I am 57, married, and have an adult son who lives with us. But going back a bit, I've wanted to be a girl since I was three or four years old, when I'd put on my sister's clothes. My mother must have run out of patience at one point, because one morning she was clearly cross with me, and when it was time to get dressed for the day, she made me choose between my boy pants and a girl's slip. I wanted the slip but answered the way she wanted me to. Quite a formative experience! I've so often wondered what would have happened if I'd chosen the slip. Would I have been punished? I don't think so - that would have been so unfair. On the other hand, could I really have been raised as a girl in the 1960s? My parents would have gotten in trouble with social services, or at least with the school system. That event didn't "cure" me of course, though I probably spent more time after that imagining - always that I was becoming a girl partially or completely. There were plenty of other instances of cross-dressing, leg shaving, etc., and I leveled with my wife-to-be before our engagement. She was always rather frightened by strongly male guys, so I think she saw was relieved in a way, though she didn't understand it - it was only OK if it was like "doll dressing" as she once called it. If it was overtly sexual, meaning that it entered into our intimacy, she was really scared and also angry. There's been no sexual relationship for about 25 years now, my wife's choice, not mine, but there has been love.
Shortly after I turned 56, I was struck by a fear that I was running out of time, or that I already had run out of time. Unlike in the past, when the desire to be a woman would come and go, this time it just stayed. Things came to a head when I told my wife I was going to start HRT. I won't go into this too much, but it nearly broke our marriage, and it put greater distance between us. She said some hard things to me that I've not been able to come to terms with, but on one point we agreed. Our son, who is emotionally unstable, almost certainly cannot cope with a transgender parent. He is tolerant, unlike my wife, but if this happened in our home I'm afraid he might become self-destructive, as he has in the past. So, I canceled my appointment with a counselor where I'd hoped to start down the path to HRT. This was a very low point, and I struggled for awhile. I wasn't suicidal, but I didn't want to live, until I thought I might be able to do something to get out of the sadness, not HRT for now (until or unless our son is much stronger), but some steps toward a goal. So, I started learning about foods and herbs that would block DHT, would mimic estradiol in the body, or both. I started eating ground pumpkin seeds, fenugreek, soybeans, and anise. Then I first heard about P. Mirifica. It seemed amazing, but of course most "authorities" said that all herbal feminization was really not possible. But it is possible. I believe the people who've posted their stories on this and on other sites.
So, I'm now taking PM, 3000 mg/day (high I know), RC, 2400 mg/day, SP, 5400 mg/day, plus about a tablespoon of ground fenugreek baked into a muffin each morning. I also plan to start spearmint soon. The only side effect of note is insomnia, though I can’t say for sure this is caused by the herbs. PM does increase blood flow to the head, I think, and this might interfere with sleep. However, my body/brain does seem to be adapting. I’ve only been on the current regimen for a short time. To date my results are quite small; I don't wear T-shirts about the house any more.
My goals are to have a much reduced male sexual function (ideally none at all) and to have a feminine form, including small to medium sized breasts. Given current circumstances, I'll have to pass as male, and I'll tell anyone (including my son) who notices the physical changes, that it is a medical issue, but that fortunately there is no serious illness involved. (My wife will know the truth though.) There is no reasonable choice but to be surreptitious now, but it feels lonely to hide who I am. So that is one of the reasons why I came here. So again, hello everyone!
The early bit sounds a lot like my story!
Welcome to the forum!!
RE: It feels good to be here - echapman - 26-05-2014
Hello grace! I'm Emily... Biologic female, but you'll see a few of us pop in to this section of the forum from time to time. We are all pretty close knit and supportive of each other's journeys.
I'm sorry you feel alone and I hope you find a little relief in this forum. I sincerely hope your wife accepts your decision to go through with nbe and eventually supports it!
Happy growing!
RE: It feels good to be here - Samantha Rogers - 26-05-2014
Hi Grace,
You are in the right place, honey! Many of us have similar stories, and no, it isn't too late. It never is, though you may have regrets for not starting sooner...sigh. I was 57 when I started and I am so happy I didnt wait any longer. Though I regret the moments I missed, there were other experiences I would not have had. It all is part of you and your story and it all makes you who you are. I worry about your relationship with your wife, but I offer this...if she loves you, then she loves who you are in your heart, regardless of the outer wrapper. I hope that works out.
Your program sounds good for maximum change quickly. Yes, you will lose function, but it sound as though that does not matter in your case. I am happy for you, honey!
Welcome to the family, girl!
Hugs
Sammie
RE: It feels good to be here - GraceB - 26-05-2014
Thank you so much Missed Miss, Emily, and Sammie for your warm welcome! I look forward to talking with you and learning as I go (and grow). What a wonderful thing it is to have someone to talk to!
RE: It feels good to be here - Missed Miss - 26-05-2014
(26-05-2014, 05:35 PM)GraceB Wrote: Thank you so much Missed Miss, Emily, and Sammie for your warm welcome! I look forward to talking with you and learning as I go (and grow). What a wonderful thing it is to have someone to talk to!
Yeah, I've always thought so, but I rarely ever get that chance! :-( The best I can get is to TYPE with someone!! It's just not the same as a face to face.
RE: It feels good to be here - echapman - 26-05-2014
This is why y'all need to come down to Tennessee, let me fix you something fattening, do your hair and makeup (I didn't spend all this money getting my cosmetology license for nothing!) and let's go out dancing.
RE: It feels good to be here - lovedebbii - 26-05-2014
(26-05-2014, 08:23 PM)echapman Wrote: This is why y'all need to come down to Tennessee, let me fix you something fattening, do your hair and makeup (I didn't spend all this money getting my cosmetology license for nothing!) and let's go out dancing.
OMG! can I join? I love all things fattening, getting my makeup done and dancing
RE: It feels good to be here - Samantha Rogers - 26-05-2014
Count me in, Sugar. I don't eat a lot, but I do love to dance!
RE: It feels good to be here - Missed Miss - 26-05-2014
(26-05-2014, 08:42 PM)lovedebbii Wrote:You can do my make-up, if you want, but I'm not much of a dancer anymore. Used to be GREAT at it, then I got stage fright thanks to a cute little red-head one afternoon here on the porch.(26-05-2014, 08:23 PM)echapman Wrote: This is why y'all need to come down to Tennessee, let me fix you something fattening, do your hair and makeup (I didn't spend all this money getting my cosmetology license for nothing!) and let's go out dancing.
OMG! can I join? I love all things fattening, getting my makeup done and dancing
Have any mint julep?