11-06-2016, 11:26 AM
Found out yesterday that due to the various inherited health issues (its a very long list!) and some of my own, that I wouldnt ever be able to go on prescribed HRT, but my doctor was understanding of my reasons for going the herbal route, and didnt try to disuade me from taking them which I was really surprised by. My doctor instead just took a list of what I am taking to scan to my notes (although he didnt think they would be that effective, whilst they may be not as good as HRT - I am having some pretty effective results though for just over 4 months in) and offered me gender counselling if I need it. I did explain that in my head this feels right - the voice telling me I want to be a woman or at least more female pretty much since puberty hit has gone although its been replaced by a desire to let my female self take control more and more, although she is realistic about work and the need to remain male for that - although I guess if anyone notices anything having a hormone imbalance to explain things isnt strictly incorrect! I had my liver function checked yesterday which was all fine, and am in really good health otherwise, and also found out I have now lost getting on for 60lbs in the last four and a bit months, which was really good news considering my chest, hips and butt have all gotten bigger during that time.
Despite feeling really down never being able to go on HRT yesterday, and having a raging hangover - way too many drinks on a work night out last night, I feel a lot more happy with things this morning, I am though really starting to enjoy confusing strangers as to my gender identity especially as I dont even consciously try to do it - I got hit on last night by a couple of lesbians in a nightclub who thought I was a woman despite being in male mode! Which was wierd but I guess really complimentary in its own way! I have also accepted that I might well be pretty much asexual,, neither men or women do anything to excite me sexually and have found my need for orgasms greatly reduced although I no longer have any guilt about masterbation or pleasuring myself in other ways. I guess I have been that way for some time, it has just taken a long time to accept it, That said I do now like hugs though, which I didnt do as a male - maybe I just need to get a really large pillow for in bed for company, despite wanting a partner even in a non sexual relationship at times, I really like having time to just relax by myself and enjoy feeling even if not looking female.
I realised too that having the support of my family really does mean a lot more than I ever thought it would mean and having a good group of friends and work colleagues even if they dont know about things means I am pretty blessed at the moment in other areas. I havent even had any negative comments so far from strangers about my obvious gender fluidity or lack of maleness at times as well, which is also another positive. Most women are much friendlier and chatty towards me which I am really enjoying too.
Sorry for the long posting if you are still following, I was feeling down and it kind of veered off into a bit of a self confessional, but I feel better for writing it down as it has helped me to accept things in my head. If its on here am more likely to re-read it myself to remind myself of the positives, or a time that I felt really good about my transition when I am feeling down.
Megan
Despite feeling really down never being able to go on HRT yesterday, and having a raging hangover - way too many drinks on a work night out last night, I feel a lot more happy with things this morning, I am though really starting to enjoy confusing strangers as to my gender identity especially as I dont even consciously try to do it - I got hit on last night by a couple of lesbians in a nightclub who thought I was a woman despite being in male mode! Which was wierd but I guess really complimentary in its own way! I have also accepted that I might well be pretty much asexual,, neither men or women do anything to excite me sexually and have found my need for orgasms greatly reduced although I no longer have any guilt about masterbation or pleasuring myself in other ways. I guess I have been that way for some time, it has just taken a long time to accept it, That said I do now like hugs though, which I didnt do as a male - maybe I just need to get a really large pillow for in bed for company, despite wanting a partner even in a non sexual relationship at times, I really like having time to just relax by myself and enjoy feeling even if not looking female.
I realised too that having the support of my family really does mean a lot more than I ever thought it would mean and having a good group of friends and work colleagues even if they dont know about things means I am pretty blessed at the moment in other areas. I havent even had any negative comments so far from strangers about my obvious gender fluidity or lack of maleness at times as well, which is also another positive. Most women are much friendlier and chatty towards me which I am really enjoying too.
Sorry for the long posting if you are still following, I was feeling down and it kind of veered off into a bit of a self confessional, but I feel better for writing it down as it has helped me to accept things in my head. If its on here am more likely to re-read it myself to remind myself of the positives, or a time that I felt really good about my transition when I am feeling down.
Megan