These two boozers woke up one morning after sleeping off the previous night's buzz and one said, "What are we gonna do, today?"
The other one said, "Oh! I know!! Let's go get drunk!!"
"Yeah!! That's a GREAT idea!! How much money do you have?"
The guy emptied his pockets and said, "28 cents, how about you?"
He emptied HIS pockets and said, "33 cents."
"Damn! That's not enough to get drunk on!"
"Well, how are we gonna get drunk?"
"I don't know."
After a few moments of thought, one of the said, "I GOT IT!!!! Here's what we'll do!! We'll lump our money together, go to the deli and buy a footlong hot dog! I'll put the hot dog in my pants. Then, we go to the bar, order drinks and when the bartender serves them, we slug `em RIGHT down and when he asks to be paid, you drop to your knees, pull open the zipper on my pants, pull out the hot dog and pretend to give me a blow job! The bartender will get pissed at us and kick us out of the bar without us paying for our drinks!"
"That sounds like a GREAT idea!! Let's do it!!"
So, they go to the deli across the street, get the footlong hot dog, set it up in the one guy's pants and head for their first bar.
The belly up to the bar and order two shots of Jack Daniels. The barkeep gives them the drinks, they slug `em down and the barkeep says, "Okay, that'll be $2.00."
With that, the one guy dropped to his knees, pulled down the other guy's zipper, whipped out the hot dog and started sucking on it!! The bartender got REAL pissed at them and yelled, "HEY, you faggots!!!! GET outta my bar!!!!" They ran out of the bar and never had to pay for their drinks!!
Outside the bar and around the corner, they stopped running and started laughing about how succesful they were!! They pulled this same stunt at every bar in the strip!!
Finally, they were just about to hit their 23rd bar when the one guy said, "Hey, man, can we switch places for a while? My knees are getting sore from all this!"
The other guy said, "What are YOU complaining about??? We lost the hot dog after the third bar!!!!"
Ha ha I'd like to see where you can buy $2 shots though!
WAP, you always make me laugh. Thanks.....
(28-08-2015, 03:30 AM)ELLACRAIG Wrote: [ -> ]Ha ha I'd like to see where you can buy $2 shots though!
Well, I never drank, so, I have no idea how much they are. A buck a piece sounded about right.
(28-08-2015, 05:13 AM)pom19 Wrote: [ -> ]WAP, you always make me laugh. Thanks.....
No problem! (That'll be $10.00.)
Ooo!!!! I just thought of a good joke for ya! George W. Bush!
Pretty funny, eh??
Kerry was the joke. Always waffling and he lost.
...
A lady is on vacation and visiting a beautiful Italian fishing village. In the evening she decides to go to the bar in the hotel and watch the sunset. The hotel sits up on a bluff overlooking the village and just has a spectacular view. She is almost alone in the bar except for a local man drowning his sorrows but she just enjoys to view and a nice drink. A little while goes by and the local man, obviously drunk looks over at her and starts a monologue. It goes like this.
Italian man:
"You see the boats in the harbor? There are 100 boats in the harbor. Guess how many boats Luigi built (pointing at himself). Luigi built 75 boats. But do they call me 'Luigi boat builder?' No!"
You see the bridges that cross the river? There are 20 bridges that cross the river. Guess how many bridges Luigi built. Luigi built 15 bridges. But do they call me 'Luigi the bridge builder?' No!"
You see the houses down there in the village? There are 300 houses in the village. Guess how many bridges Luigi built. Luigi built 200 houses! But do they call me 'Luigi the house builder?' No!"
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But you fuck one goat....!
(29-08-2015, 12:37 PM)Anonymy Wrote: [ -> ]Kerry was the joke. Always waffling and he lost.
...
A lady is on vacation and visiting a beautiful Italian fishing village. In the evening she decides to go to the bar in the hotel and watch the sunset. The hotel sits up on a bluff overlooking the village and just has a spectacular view. She is almost alone in the bar except for a local man drowning his sorrows but she just enjoys to view and a nice drink. A little while goes by and the local man, obviously drunk looks over at her and starts a monologue. It goes like this.
Italian man:
"You see the boats in the harbor? There are 100 boats in the harbor. Guess how many boats Luigi built (pointing at himself). Luigi built 75 boats. But do they call me 'Luigi boat builder?' No!"
You see the bridges that cross the river? There are 20 bridges that cross the river. Guess how many bridges Luigi built. Luigi built 15 bridges. But do they call me 'Luigi the bridge builder?' No!"
You see the houses down there in the village? There are 300 houses in the village. Guess how many bridges Luigi built. Luigi built 200 houses! But do they call me 'Luigi the house builder?' No!"
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But you fuck one goat....!
Are you sure your finished? Havent came by the laughing part yet..
But you fuck one goat....!
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@hannah:
Are you sure your finished? Havent came by the laughing part yet..
[/quote]
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Well, I think the poor guy in the village is now called Luigi the goat F..ker