Ok, this is probably just a weirdness on my part, but when I write posts and refer to my better half, I almost never use the words "my wife".
Spouse, partner, significant other are all ok, but saying the phrase "my wife" just seems to be demeaning to her somehow. It feels like it's territorial or something. It feels to me that wife implies subservience or something.
It is like the scenario where guy A says to guy B, "you just insulted MY wife" and socks guy B in the jaw. The woman looks on with an expression of "good grief, if I felt insulted I would have said something myself".
Does anyone else see things this way? Am I taking some form of political correctness to far?
It's a title and nothing more. It's people that make it all weird. It is no different than a woman referring to her spouse as "my husband" as to imply certain things as well. Sometimes we look too hard to find things to be offended about instead of focusing on the positives.
I will say this though, if she doesn't approve of it then she should voice her displeasure. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and if she finds it insulting then it is.
But you should know relationships are completely about possession from both angles ... right ? If it wasn't you would never make that step into forming a bond with each other. What would be the point if not to give 100% of each other into being one.
Would you be more comfortable with "the wife" instead of "my"? Using "the" does not imply possessiveness, merely indicative.
I don't get how "my partner", "my spouse" or "my significant other" are any better or worse than "my wife."
@Rayve
I take your point on the bond and giving 100%. Partner does not imply that as much as wife perhaps. Better half implies that part of a whole better perhaps.
@MrEricka
Its probably just me, but somehow 'the wife' seems less respectful.
@OhBoobs
At an intellectual level, I don't think it is any worse, but this is just how it feels to me. Maybe it is some artefact of my age and the attitudes that were around 50 years ago when I was growing up.
I think it is strange for me to feel this way which is why I started this thread.
Yes, it is a form of possession, but it is mutual and given (I hope) willingly. A lot of symbolism there, going way back before Christianity and Judaism.
Don't know if you have kids, but would you not regard them as yours?
I always think of the interesting fact that a familial blood relationship is created between two previously unrelated people by the act of parenthood. Maybe divorce would occur less frequently if parents realised that they are in fact related to one another by virtue of their children.
I'm guessing you must be fairly young. Everyone is so over-sensitised nowadays by the political correctness claptrap. (lights fuse and retires).
B.
(25-05-2015, 12:33 AM)bryony Wrote: [ -> ]Yes, it is a form of possession, but it is mutual and given (I hope) willingly. A lot of symbolism there, going way back before Christianity and Judaism.
Don't know if you have kids, but would you not regard them as yours?
I always think of the interesting fact that a familial blood relationship is created between two previously unrelated people by the act of parenthood. Maybe divorce would occur less frequently if parents realised that they are in fact related to one another by virtue of their children.
I'm guessing you must be fairly young. Everyone is so over-sensitised nowadays by the political correctness claptrap. (lights fuse and retires).
B.
(sssssssssssssssssssssss fizzle) Nah, not going to explode.
For me, this is not about political correctness, but just how I feel about a phrase. A bit past the half-century mark, I don't think I still qualify for young, but then you are only as young as you feel.
I have grown up kids and I have no problem with the term, my children.
But do I want my daughter to become "a wife". I want her to find a life partner under terms in which they cherish each other equally, support each other, and do their best for each other such that they both flourish.
Something subtle in my mind has attached it to my internal definition of wife which does not mesh with that ideal.
Quote:(sssssssssssssssssssssss fizzle) Nah, not going to explode.
For me, this is not about political correctness, but just how I feel about a phrase. A bit past the half-century mark, I don't think I still qualify for young, but then you are only as young as you feel.
I have grown up kids and I have no problem with the term, my children.
But do I want my daughter to become "a wife". I want her to find a life partner under terms in which they cherish each other equally, support each other, and do their best for each other such that they both flourish.
Something subtle in my mind has attached it to my internal definition of wife which does not mesh with that ideal.
Oh ok, not as young as I thought (those dang avatars!)
Well, I like to think of marriage as two people giving themselves to each other. I have and extremely romantic notion of love and sex and commitment.
I found it quite touching the first time I heard "my" wife refer to me in a telephone conversation as "her" husband.
I suppose it is all wrapped up in semantics and symbolism. Even in the wedding service vows it says "do you take this man/woman as your lawfully wedded wife/husband" (or at least here in the UK) with all the possession that that implies..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows
We had a civil (non-religious) ceremony, and the phrase is still possessive towards one another. Personally, I'm happy to be possessed. It's kind of cozy.
B.
PS have you asked your wife what she thinks about it? Sorry if you already mentioned it elsewhere.
(27-05-2015, 12:04 AM)bryony Wrote: [ -> ]...
Oh ok, not as young as I thought (those dang avatars!)
Well, I like to think of marriage as two people giving themselves to each other. I have and extremely romantic notion of love and sex and commitment.
I found it quite touching the first time I heard "my" wife refer to me in a telephone conversation as "her" husband.
I suppose it is all wrapped up in semantics and symbolism. Even in the wedding service vows it says "do you take this man/woman as your lawfully wedded wife/husband" (or at least here in the UK) with all the possession that that implies.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows
We had a civil (non-religious) ceremony, and the phrase is still possessive towards one another. Personally, I'm happy to be possessed. It's kind of cozy.
B.
PS have you asked your wife what she thinks about it? Sorry if you already mentioned it elsewhere.
My avatar is a 3d cgi model that I dressed and rendered. I should age her up a bit I guess.
The breast size, well that is aspirational so I am not going to shrink it down to reality.
As an IT nerd who tends to take things quite literally at times, there are some nuances of romantic that are lost on me, but commitment is very serious.
We had a civil ceremony as well, but had custom vows. Oh and there was a stuff up during the ceremony, so technically I was the only one who vowed anything.
I have not asked her that question yet. I should.
(27-05-2015, 10:20 AM)CalmlyAndrogynous Wrote: [ -> ] (27-05-2015, 12:04 AM)bryony Wrote: [ -> ]...
Oh ok, not as young as I thought (those dang avatars!)
Well, I like to think of marriage as two people giving themselves to each other. I have and extremely romantic notion of love and sex and commitment.
I found it quite touching the first time I heard "my" wife refer to me in a telephone conversation as "her" husband.
I suppose it is all wrapped up in semantics and symbolism. Even in the wedding service vows it says "do you take this man/woman as your lawfully wedded wife/husband" (or at least here in the UK) with all the possession that that implies.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows
We had a civil (non-religious) ceremony, and the phrase is still possessive towards one another. Personally, I'm happy to be possessed. It's kind of cozy.
B.
PS have you asked your wife what she thinks about it? Sorry if you already mentioned it elsewhere.
My avatar is a 3d cgi model that I dressed and rendered. I should age her up a bit I guess.
The breast size, well that is aspirational so I am not going to shrink it down to reality.
As an IT nerd who tends to take things quite literally at times, there are some nuances of romantic that are lost on me, but commitment is very serious.
We had a civil ceremony as well, but had custom vows. Oh and there was a stuff up during the ceremony, so technically I was the only one who vowed anything.
I have not asked her that question yet. I should.
I see two birds with one stone here... if she feels the same way about the giving of oneself to the other as I do, you could always have a romantic weekend where you re-take your vows, possibly based on the more traditional versions. (That way you would both get to take them this time!)
Just a thought.
B.