I came here first because I wanted to grow breasts, or more accurately to continue the growth of those I had already started. Along the way I have learned a lot about myself both physically and mentally, including much that is not directly relevant to the growth of my breasts or the physical or mental environment in which they continue (I hope) to develop. While what follows is on the face (or more accurately, the heart) of it OT, it certainly relates to something I only learned through this board. I am sure there are others here who have had similar OT revelations?
In fact I am only raising it now because of Flame’s Cold Turkey thread and his/her (what is the appropriate pronoun for an androgyne - ‘hse’ comes to kind as a possibility) interruption of NBE to speed up regaining the health benefits of running and regaining ‘runners high’. As far back as I can remember I was unable to run more than a short sprint distance without being reduced to a state of fairly acute physical distress, although I could walk more or less indefinitely. In my mid-teens I did manage with much training effort to get as far as being able to maintain a slow jog. I certainly never got a high out of it. When I was diagnosed with heart failure fifteen years ago, I was becoming unable to sustain even a brisk walk. This was due to atrial fibrillation which together with a ‘regurgitating’ mitral valve had pushed my EF (ejection fraction, a measure of the pumping efficiency of my heart) too low to sustain my usual level of physical activity. Treatment restored my EF to at or near to the bottom of the acceptable range, and has maintained it at that level ever since, for which I must be very thankful.
Another member of this board queried whether the heart valve problem was congenital. I first said I thought no since I had passed various physicals from time to time for merchant navy, insurance and immigration purposes which would surely have detected it, but I gather that it is something that often gets passed over. Looking back I don’t recollect any of the physicals being very rigorous, and I have a niggle at the back of my mind that someone did once mention a heart murmur. If it pre-existed the AF, and my EF was always marginal, it would provide a complete explanation of my running problems. To the best of my knowledge there is nothing wrong with my lungs, but the limited blood flow through them limits the maximum rate at which oxygen used by my body can be replaced so that my sustained power output is limited, although my maximum short term or instantaneous strength (which used to be substantial) is unaffected- except now by age and NBE. This realization that my heart murmur was probably congenital or possibly due to rheumatic fever brought on by strep throat when I was 9years old, has been very illuminating to me, and would never have occurred to me but for the kind of support that so many of the members here provide.
The greatest side benefit of all is of course the wonderful and interesting people and friends one finds here, and the opportunity to discuss freely all aspects of the one rather oddball (to most other people) special interest or compulsion we have in common.
(10-04-2014, 11:43 AM)AnnabelP Wrote: [ -> ]The greatest side benefit of all is of course the wonderful and interesting people and friends one finds here, and the opportunity to discuss freely all aspects of the one rather oddball (to most other people) special interest or compulsion we have in common.
I wholeheartedly agree with you, Annie. I had no idea when I registered as a new member, that this community would become such a significant part of my personal development. In fact, the purpose for my coming here -- to alleviate mental stress from a gender identity conflict -- has changed to bringing out my female gender identity in a safe and satisfying way. I don't think I could have done that without the benefit of the perspectives and insights that I've gained from friends I've made here. I'm not convinced that a gender therapist could have been as effective to that end.
Thanks, guys and girls. You are all wonderful people.
Clara
Eh...I just turn up here when the rhino tells me to...tee hee
Love you, girls!
Annie,
I'm fine with being referred to as him or her. It really doesn't matter to me.
I'm kinda surprised to see how much attention my cold turkey thread is getting.
I also would like to say that my time on the board has been very enjoyable and enlightening.
Samantha,
I never did get the rhino reference. I keep thinking of the animal whenever someone mentions that word on this board.
(10-04-2014, 06:02 PM)flamesabers Wrote: [ -> ]Samantha,
I never did get the rhino reference. I keep thinking of the animal whenever someone mentions that word on this board.
I don't think anyone gets it. When I asked, I was linked to a play in which the rhinos represent communism or something. Which still doesn't make much sense in the context Sammie tends to use it in.
I eventually just took it as a quirk. Sammie's actions are guided by an imaginary rhino. Eh, no harm no foul.
As long as I don't start seeing it as well, it's fine.
As for the thread...I honestly can't remember how I found this site....I'm glad I did though
(10-04-2014, 06:28 PM)SarahSchilling Wrote: [ -> ] (10-04-2014, 06:02 PM)flamesabers Wrote: [ -> ]Samantha,
I never did get the rhino reference. I keep thinking of the animal whenever someone mentions that word on this board.
I don't think anyone gets it. When I asked, I was linked to a play in which the rhinos represent communism or something. Which still doesn't make much sense in the context Sammie tends to use it in.
I eventually just took it as a quirk. Sammie's actions are guided by an imaginary rhino. Eh, no harm no foul.
Communism?
I don't really get how the sickle and hammer has any relations to a rhino.
The one context I thought of in regards to rhinos is the rhino's horn is suppose to be some sort of phallic euphemism.
(10-04-2014, 06:28 PM)SarahSchilling Wrote: [ -> ]As for the thread...I honestly can't remember how I found this site....I'm glad I did though
I can't remember either!
I probably found the site because I was looking for a new board for crossdressing or something relevant to transgenderism.
Maybe this is a sign we've been on the board for a long time?
All flippancy aside, I remember exactly why I found this board, though I am not sure this subject was Annie's intent when she began this thread.
I had always wrestled with a GID which seemed to come and go, caught up, as I believe such things often may be, with a variety of other issues unrelated to one degree or another but all affecting my feelings of self worth.
At that time I know I was experiencing withdrawals from my CDing, because, unable to dress at home, my opportunities were limited to times when I was out of town on business and those opportunities were growing fewer and fewer. As a result I had begun to look for ways, whether consciously or not, to find expression of my gender issues by other means, such as adopting more androgynous dress in regular life. Having lost weight to try and regain my "girlish" figure, I was, ironically, finding fewer chances to take advantage of that new look. I stumbled on a bottle of "breast growth" pills in a drugstore and on a whim bought them. This led to a search for information regarding the listed ingredients, which in time led me here. The rest, I suppose, is matter for some other thread.
Regarding the rhino...tee hee...and just to set the record straight...this was merely a farcical imagining of mine during the feeble but excessively long attempt at humor I posted months ago...(although it seems like years in light of everything that has transpired since)...during my first ever break from PM back in January. It was never meant to be a reference to the meaning I have since discovered referring to middle aged male sexual predators, nor was it a reference to the allegorical play of that name by Theatre of the Absurd playwright Eugene Ionesco concerning the rise of fascism in pre war Europe. Rather it was simply meant as a fictional and obviously failed comic representation of a supposed hallucination during PM withdrawals.
In light of that, I shall pick this up on the more relevant thread.
And I promise to return to less serious form shortly...hee hee.
Class dismissed.
My intention in starting the thread was I think just to illustrate how much more I've got out of the board than I ever would have expected, and was triggered by Flame's comments on distance running which, like tea (sic) was something I tried to avoid as much as possible during my misspent youth. As for how I found the board, it was when I was trying to find out whether it was spiro or NBE or both that had actually produced initial breast growth, and how to to continue it without the spiro.
As for the rhino, I'd assumed that it was the same enterprising animal that founded the late lamented Rhinoceros party in Canada, whose candidates always seemed to attract a surprising number of disillusioned voters in each federal election!
I was surfing around researching the costs/implications of breast surgery. To be honest it was not a serious search, more like "double checking" before crossing off the mental list. I came to the conclusion that (for me) it was expensive and would not have solved my problems.
It was then I stumbled onto this site.
First I should give you some idea about me.
I'm 40 years old and for as long as I can remember I've had a mostly female side that I've kept hidden from my family. Sadly (without going into detail on an open forum) my circumstances have changed and soon I'll be building a new life.
Has anyone else found that under stress or emotional pain that the ability to manage your male/female sides is so much harder?
With the pain of bereavement, relationship ending and other stress that I have been dealing with this last year, I could have done without the extra emotional turmoil. It's been worse than ever before. Guilt for painting my toe nails, shaving my legs, I love heels, having female cloths, wearing female underwear, etc, etc. I worry I might get caught and the implication for the remainder of my family. Yet I can't stop. I find expressing myself (although hidden) relaxes and comforts me hugely.
My ex fiancée is the only person I've ever talked to about this and she said it was "ok". Very supportive in one way. We would talk about it for hours. Shaved legs ok, anything else and she did not want to see it.
Back to the topic. Side benefits?
Finding this site came at just the right time for me. It's not just about growing breasts. The fact I can read about your experiences, your troubles, your bravery and your triumphs. I realize I'm not alone with this and it has given me hope.
Thank you.
Denita
P.S I want my own breasts!! lol. But I have a sneaking suspicion the other benifits of feminizing will help me more.