After coming out to my wife things were ok at first until i think the shock set in to her. We had a tough time for a little bit she came pretty close to leaving me at one point but we managed to get through the initial bolt and run phase and we talked alot about things, and today we had a break through and agreed to take things one small step at a time and see how things go. I have called yesterday and made my appointment with the physiologist to talk about my inner turmoil and figure things out.
I know this must be tough on her and she is amazing in my eyes. The tough thing to get though was her blaming herself for the feelings.
Just curious has anyone already gone through what i am going through already and have any insight for it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
(20-03-2014, 07:46 PM)andrea23 Wrote: [ -> ]After coming out to my wife things were ok at first until i think the shock set in to her. We had a tough time for a little bit she came pretty close to leaving me at one point but we managed to get through the initial bolt and run phase and we talked alot about things, and today we had a break through and agreed to take things one small step at a time and see how things go. I have called yesterday and made my appointment with the physiologist to talk about my inner turmoil and figure things out.
I know this must be tough on her and she is amazing in my eyes. The tough thing to get though was her blaming herself for the feelings.
Just curious has anyone already gone through what i am going through already and have any insight for it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Dear Andrea,
Did you have a chance to read this thread: "SO Acceptance" in the Gender Identity subforum?
http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=17584
It might be of some help, at least as a starting point.
Clara Kay
(20-03-2014, 07:46 PM)andrea23 Wrote: [ -> ]After coming out to my wife things were ok at first until i think the shock set in to her. We had a tough time for a little bit she came pretty close to leaving me at one point but we managed to get through the initial bolt and run phase and we talked alot about things, and today we had a break through and agreed to take things one small step at a time and see how things go. I have called yesterday and made my appointment with the physiologist to talk about my inner turmoil and figure things out.
I know this must be tough on her and she is amazing in my eyes. The tough thing to get though was her blaming herself for the feelings.
Just curious has anyone already gone through what i am going through already and have any insight for it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
... for me it was simpler, im a PHD and an intellect I knew this was coming so i groomed her well in advanced .. the problem arises when you do not groom, as human beings we are not good at taking surprises, sadly all the idiots who claim to support transgenders talk about the point of "coming out" of some crap like that.. that simply doesn't work and creates more problems ..
You have to understand that while we are a unique people we must not try to achieve our freedom without proper intellectual understanding and study of a lot of areas ..
This reminds me i must open a thread or a wall or a blog or some stuff to divulge this knowledge to all so that many can benefit.
Your have to hope that this doesn't get rougher, that's all i can or any professional say to you
The simple truth is there is not a one size fits all answer. Every person is different, as is every relationship, at least IMO.
If a relationship already has cracks or problems, then this may damage it further, sometimes in a final way. Some women, for a variety of reasons, simply cannot handle the idea at all. But some relationships do well and some even improve. If there is real, heartfelt love on both sides, unsullied by personal insecurities on either side, then the odds of survival are good.
Pure honesty, coupled with a sensitivity to her needs, I would think, would be the best policy. Don't try to move too quickly. Be patient. Let her bring it up. Meantime, be the guy she fell in love with. Do the same stuff that got her to love you in the beginning. I don't mean be clingy, but rather just be from her point of view a value added husband.
Of course, keep in mind that my own situation in this regard is currently insecure to say the least...so take my advice for what it is worth...but, it is what I am trying.
Hugs
Hello Andrea.
I think Samantha offered some excellent advice. If she's still blaming herself for your feelings, I suggest gently reminding her this is not the case. Even though I'm single, I imagine having a SO who accepts you fully is a significant relief and a huge blessing. Be sure to let her know how you feel. If you're not already, I recommend letting her know how much you love and how great of an SO she is, whether it's through words of affirmations, kind deeds, or physical affection.
Thank you for all the kind words. We seem to have got through this rough patch I made sure she knew this was not her fault and she seems to have accepted that. I have also made sure she know how much I appreciate her and love her.
I should also note that I changed my name to fit the new me at least here online and god willing in real life in future I used to be known as frittam here. My darling wife has also starting calling me Andrea too yesterday hopefully this is a good sign.
I hope you don't mind me having an Elsa avatar too flame.
Hello andrea23,
Oddly enough my wife went though much the same view. She blamed her upbringing in some way that brought this upon her. I have spent many many hours of talking to convince her that my CD'ing etc has nothing to do with it.
I think she has come to some terms with it despite reminiscing my earlier encounter with CD some 30 years ago but never subsided. I was always known as Heather which she has never forgotten. Oddly she has taken to calling me by another feminine name.........why?
Life has its funny side
Love
Heather
(22-03-2014, 11:19 PM)andrea23 Wrote: [ -> ]I hope you don't mind me having an Elsa avatar too flame.
I'm fine with it so long as nobody mixes us up!
Well my wife and I have had a bit of a roller coaster this last little while however it seems that the worse is behind us and she has been more accepting of my feelings. I have a doctors appointment next month to discuss my feelings and to see where to go from there. My wife is willing to accept hormones as long as I don't dress female infront of her yet she not ready for for that much of a change at this point. That is fine by me I can dress more neutral for now. It will be a slow progress but I am so happy that she did not decide to leave me and take the kids with her.
Ps I feel so much better coming clean with her about my feeling it was hard but I believe in the long run our relationship will get stronger.
(29-03-2014, 07:54 PM)andrea23 Wrote: [ -> ]Ps I feel so much better coming clean with her about my feeling it was hard but I believe in the long run our relationship will get stronger.
That's how I felt, too. It removed all the guilt and shame I felt before about cross dressing, wanting boobs, etc., and our relationship has improved so much.
I would caution, though, to go very slowly from here on. Don't take her apparent acceptance for granted. Once you feel the joy of expressing your female identity, it's easy to get caught up in the excitement and euphoria. It can be overwhelming for your wife (and you, too).
My guess is that my wife loves me enough to overlook this 'foible' of mine. She's even willing to support my needs to great extent. She has seen good things come of my cross gender transition -- in particular, the improvement in our relationship. Still, I get the feeling that she would not object if I reverted back to all-male presentation. It helps to keep in mind that transgenderism is still a social taboo, and more often than not puts a strain on one's personal relationships at home, at work, and in one's social life.
Having raised that yellow flag, I'm glad that things are moving in the right direction for you, Andrea. It's a very good sign.
Clara