Well here we go... I never thought I'd work up the courage to go to a place like this and speak freely. I'm 20 and all my life I've been having weird problems with accepting who I am. Ever since I was a kid I've have dreams where I was a girl and loved them, and I've always felt ashamed that I've had them after waking up. It's been hard to come to terms with it, but I think instead of living in denial I want to take a few steps into the water to decide if it's what I really want. I guess this is a starting place because I really don't want anybody in my personal life to know about these feelings yet, and this is the first I've ever put it out there. I want to try to feminize a little before I plunge into anything too serious just so I can get a taste of it. I've read around here and seen tons of information on PM and I think I'm ready to try it. I plan on taking my time with this only a 500mg dose once a day for a while and upping it if I feel necessary. I honestly cant tell where this is going to go but this has been a long time coming. From the start I already have a slightly feminine structure (36 in. hips, 28 and half around my waist, and pretty narrow shoulders) , and when I pinch my nipples I've had some kind of tissue going on under there since puberty that never disappeared, and I only weigh about 135-140 lbs at 5 11. I'm aware of the changes in sex drive and other concerning areas but I'm willing to accept them just to see if this is all really right for me. I've read thought a lot of the threads, but really any advice from anybody would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Welcome, and I hope you're able to find some inner peace. Just remember, if you're still living at home or you're still dependent on your parents, it will be hard to hide things after a while. Also, keep in mind, sterility is a very real possibility if you ever think you might want children of your own.
Bear in mind that not everyone experiences mental effects, if that is what you're hoping for. 500 mg of PM may not be enough to do anything noticeable. You might need 1000 mg or more, but certainly start with 500 and see how things go. I would also recommend finding a good therapist if things start getting too much to deal with.
There are some regular contributors closer to your age who may be of more help to you since they are more or less going through something similar at a similar point in life.
Good luck.
Agree with all of the above. Also, if you have a close relationship with a partner, it would be best to tell them how you feel. At your age, I would think your parents would be young enough to be able to deal with your problem, and may be supportive. Otherwise, it would be good if you have access to a confidential trained counsellor to talk this over with one.
Bryony
Hello stellar.
Welcome to the board.
I think Monika and Byrony make a lot of good points.
I'm a few years older than you (I'm 26). I think depending on your priorities and situation will affect how great some of the ramifications of pursuing NBE may be for you:
*Having your own children. Since being a teen, I never had an interest in having my own children, so this was never an issue for me. Why you may not be interested in having a family sometime soon, do you think your feelings may change on this matter, say in the next five or ten years? A question to ask yourself I think is "how would you feel if you learned you're permanently and irreversibly sterile?" Do you think you would feel happy, indifferent or sad?
*Paying for NBE herbs. Without knowing your financial situation I can't say how affordable NBE herbs will be for you. At your age, a lot of my income was going towards paying off college loans and saving up my money.
*How secure/confident you feel with your transgender feelings. Let's say you decide to pursue NBE. Six to twelve months later, your growth becomes noticeable. How do you think you would feel when other people notice and comment on your growth? What about when you go to the doctor and they have to listen to your heart or otherwise examine your chest? Would you feel mortified or hesitant to lift up your shirt? Or would it not be an issue for you? From a medical standpoint, bear in mind males having breast development is not the norm and not desirable for the majority of males. Unless you're upfront with your doctor, your doctor may assume you don't want to have feminine breasts and would rather have a flat masculine chest. I think the important point in all of this is by telling your doctor or anyone else that in the very least you're not bothered by your breast development, you're indirectly expressing your transgender identification. If you're curious, I suggest visiting a gynecomastia forum to see how males more frequently react to having breasts.
Here's a thread I started about being noticed:
http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=14325
For me I can get breast growth on as little as 2,000 mg of pm. Getting brain rewiring or the mental benefits of pm has been a bit tricker for me. I've had to adjust my doseage several times to maintain my brain rewiring. Also, as Monika mentioned, not everyone gets mental benefits from taking pm.
Pursuing NBE may be a very rewarding path for you, but I don't think it's a path that should be taken lightly, regardless of age.
Welcome Stellar,
you've found a good place to put your toe in the water. What has previously been said is well worth your time pondering extensively. I sense that you don't really know what to make of your feelings and probably feel torn between what you "want" and what you think is "right" or how you're supposed to be. I don't know if this will make sense to you but there's nothing wrong with your feelings. You're OK. If you feel feminine, that's OK. If you feel confused, you don't have to get clarity right now. Amongst all your feeling though, you DO need to find peace with who YOU are. I know that's a daunting task and for what it's worth, I've been in your place. You are priceless with, and perhaps because of, all your irregularities and factory defects as I like to call them. You don't need to fix yourself so much as you need to accept yourself. If all the doors are open for you to try PM, you might find it helps you sort out all those feelings and for myself at least, just swallowing the pill and knowing I'm injecting estrogen into my body is incredibly soothing for my mind. It feels like I'm putting things as they should be because my body can't or wont. There are many other outside factors that are contributing to MY peace but coming here and trying PM are great steps for you in my opinion. I predict you'll find plenty of acceptance, advise and comfort in simply putting your thoughts out here for other, very real humans who understand what it's like to be you, to read. Again, it's great to have you join the conversation. Don't be a stranger.
(10-04-2013, 04:38 PM)doodlebug2055 Wrote: [ -> ]You are priceless with, and perhaps because of, all your irregularities and factory defects as I like to call them. You don't need to fix yourself so much as you need to accept yourself.
I love how you put that
but yeah, I've recently come to point of accepting myself and honestly I value these factory defects. My only problem is finding out where to go from here on out. Thanks so much for the advice!
(10-04-2013, 03:24 PM)flamesabers Wrote: [ -> ]How secure/confident you feel with your transgender feelings. Let's say you decide to pursue NBE. Six to twelve months later, your growth becomes noticeable. How do you think you would feel when other people notice and comment on your growth? What about when you go to the doctor and they have to listen to your heart or otherwise examine your chest? Would you feel mortified or hesitant to lift up your shirt? Or would it not be an issue for you? From a medical standpoint, bear in mind males having breast development is not the norm and not desirable for the majority of males. Unless you're upfront with your doctor, your doctor may assume you don't want to have feminine breasts and would rather have a flat masculine chest. I think the important point in all of this is by telling your doctor or anyone else that in the very least you're not bothered by your breast development, you're indirectly expressing your transgender identification.
I don't think I'd mind anybody knowing at all for the short term because I really just want a small taste of it to see how I react. My original idea was to just try PM and achieve some small scale effects then from there determine if I want to carry on with it, but if that is enough to sterilize me for the rest of my life, I definitely should think it over some more. Thank you so much for your detailed response, it really means a lot!
(10-04-2013, 10:09 AM)MonikaT Wrote: [ -> ]Bear in mind that not everyone experiences mental effects, if that is what you're hoping for. 500 mg of PM may not be enough to do anything noticeable. You might need 1000 mg or more, but certainly start with 500 and see how things go. I would also recommend finding a good therapist if things start getting too much to deal with.
I think I'll have a try at it before seeing a therapist, but I will definitely aim for some mental effects just to see what it's like. Thanks for your input!
Also, I understand that PM seems to feminize not just the breasts, but also other parts of the body. I've looked and haven't really seen anything on any noticeable vocal changes. Does anybody know if it has any effect on your voice??
(10-04-2013, 08:14 PM)stellar Wrote: [ -> ]Also, I understand that PM seems to feminize not just the breasts, but also other parts of the body. I've looked and haven't really seen anything on any noticeable vocal changes. Does anybody know if it has any effect on your voice??
stellar,
I don't believe PM (or any other oral supplement, including pharmaceutical hormones) can have any real impact on your voice.
Last summer I purchased an online course from Kathe Perez (a voice therapist who actually specializes in helping the TG community achieve a passable female voice). While I never actually used the course, I do get promotional emails from Kathe. I got one a few weeks ago in which she announced a series of iPhone/Android apps for this very purpose. You can check it out here:
http://exceptionalvoiceapp.com/
I have no connection to Kathe or her products (other than the purchase I made above), so please don't consider this an endorsement! Check it out and if it looks right for you give it a try. If you do I would love to hear any feedback you can give!
Best,
Misty