I recall posts about how people drift a way, from this site. I now understand why. I am getting on with my life, as a transsexual woman. I do want to support fellow transsexuals but have grown tired ot the fantasists and deniars. To the latter, I can only say that the statistics are stark. 39% of pre op transessexuals, commit sucide, 51% have attempted it; post op, the rate is below average. To encourage denial, is an invitation to that bleak world.
9 days ago, I was told I had a cleavage; today, I am left contemplating a D cup bra. I may not cut it as a woman; equaly, I do not cut it as a man. I no longer think about how I appear; how people might see me. I am Chrissie, day in, day out and that is how I live life. How good is that? In celebration, I reliilse, I am wearing much more revealing tops!
2 days ago, I went for my waxing and, Jade, the beautician said that, she could not beleive how my boobs had grown and she struggled to find hairs to wax!
QED, PM works.
I think my posts will remain low; I will report significant developements; If you are, or think you may be, transsexual, send a private message. If you are in denial and encouraging others; go boil your head. Fantastists, piss off.
Happy new year, Hugs,
Chrissie xxx
Ramblin' Chrissie,
Take a deep breath - relax and reflect. 39 percent? 51percent? all the more reason; Take a deep breath - relax and reflect.
Boil your head? Piss off? Come on. We all have issues, burdens, complaints, and anger. Of the former, we can control anger.
I truly desire happiness for you.
Best wishes,
Zoe
Zoe,
Angry, I am not; bored, frustrated and fed up, I am.The lack of replies to my post, proves my point. Most posters, here, do not want to confront reality.
Boobs cannot be grown, in some splendid, isolated bubble; for that, the only answer are implants.
I have, over 3 years, ingested huge amounts of phyto-oestrogens. Boobs are only a small part of the changes, they have wrought. Physicaly, my shape has changed, as I have developed a female fat distribution; mentaly, I am a different, much more contented, person. Body hair is vanishing [sadly, the same does not apply to beard hair]. As long as I take enough, to maintain the positives, "male function" evaporates. At lower doses, it is minimal.
I am at incresed rsk of breast cancer, and am on the brest screening programe.
When I came out, nearly 14 months ago, I had small B cups and, along with a dear friend, realised my time had come; I was having to go to increasingly elaborate lenghs, to try and conceal the obvious. How anyone could live with that, and maintain a male persona, beggers beleif. Now, my boobs define my body; I could only conceal them, somewhat, by uncomfortable, binding. Beleive me, consrained boobs are a very uncomfortable experience.
QED, the fantastists are not taking on board, the implications of having boobs, or are simply that: fantastists.
The TS deniars are another kettle of fish, with a long history. The American Journal of Phychiatry, states that 1 in 62,000 men are TS. Professor Lynne Conway demolishes that, with simple and sharp, forensic analysis. Her figure; between 1 in 200 and 1 in 800, with a best guess at 1 in 300 men.
To be TS is hell; at the very best, you live a life of low grade misery [walking on the borders of depression, is how I descibe it] A british surgeon, on television, recently, described GRS as the only operation, that can make someone happy. Set against the stark suicide statistics, is it any wonder that I am frustrated by deniars! May be here, a little anger creeps in, as, in my day, the medics tried to put people off, in some cases, because of their own problems; however social problems were the bigger bar. I just worry that denirs would so easily be the cause of uneccesary misery, at best, and, at worst, suicide.
For a TS girl PM is a mirical; it empowers you and enables you to confront the medics, from a position of strengh. You are not trying to persude them, that you meed hormones; you approach them as a woman, in transition, 2/3rds of the job done. This is so good and, yet, too many of the posts here are mired in bullshit and this simlpe message is lost.
My presemt feelings; of just getting on with my life, mabe selfish, but I am not the only trassexual woman, to feel them.
In my opinion this thread doesn't have many posts because people are tired of arguing with you about what they feel is right while having insulting comments thrown back at them for it.
Also, it may be possible that someday in the future to live as a partial female with breasts and feel accepted in society. Is it now? -- definitely not, but we don't see people that have embraced this option very often. It's also quite possible that some TS/TG have made the full transition because they feel it's the only way to fix what's wrong and somehow still fit into some part of society.
If you're happy with the decisions you have made, then I am happy for you, but I do find a lot of your more recent comments to be bluntly rude. I'm not saying that you're wrong or right, and for the choices you have made, only you can be right about them; the same can be said for everybody else in their own rights.
Some of us may end up coming to the same realizations you have months or years into their experience with PM, while others may not. Everybody is completely different, with different goals, restrictions, expectations, lifestyles, etc. and their questions, concerns, and experiences will vary greatly.
(03-01-2012, 06:14 AM)dargona Wrote: [ -> ]In my opinion this thread doesn't have many posts because people are tired of arguing with you about what they feel is right while having insulting comments thrown back at them for it.
Also, it may be possible that someday in the future to live as a partial female with breasts and feel accepted in society. Is it now? -- definitely not, but we don't see people that have embraced this option very often. It's also quite possible that some TS/TG have made the full transition because they feel it's the only way to fix what's wrong and somehow still fit into some part of society.
If you're happy with the decisions you have made, then I am happy for you, but I do find a lot of your more recent comments to be bluntly rude. I'm not saying that you're wrong or right, and for the choices you have made, only you can be right about them; the same can be said for everybody else in their own rights.
Some of us may end up coming to the same realizations you have months or years into their experience with PM, while others may not. Everybody is completely different, with different goals, restrictions, expectations, lifestyles, etc. and their questions, concerns, and experiences will vary greatly.
Spot on, Dargona. I couldn't have put it better.
Chrissie,
I have deliberately stayed out of the recent public fights, partly because I hate confrontation in anything and partly because of the way I perceive that you have changed in the 18months since I first came on here and started getting to know you.
We can all only go by what
you say and how
you say it, and inevitably we all put our own individual interpretations on those printed words, and equally inevitably we all have slightly different interpretations. So, my perception is that in the last 18months you have gone from being pleasant and helpful to me and others, and excited about your future, to being bitter and critical of everything and everyone. I have my own guesses about certain realities, but that isn't for public debate because they are only my interpretations and reading between your lines. All I can say is that I can feel your pain and possibly dashed hopes and I'm truly sorry that perhaps things aren't working out the way you had hoped. I'm pretty sure that in your way you are genuinely trying to warn people of the potential pitfalls that you are experiencing and we should thank you for that, but unfortunately, you can't prevent people following their own dreams. As I said, I hate confrontation in anything and many years ago I adopted a policy of telling people something, unemotionally, 2 or 3 times and then stepping back and leaving them to make their own mistakes, even when I know I'm right. I think you might get a better response if you try the same approach.
Hi Chrissie. Can't comment as I have been gone for some time.
I know the hell that Chrissie speaks of.
I also agree that PM is a miracle, because without it I would still be suffering from Dysthymia (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia) . My thoughts often wandered around suicide, but my love for my wife and kids was much too strong to take it seriously. However, all was black and bleak and I could see no future.
Two weeks on PM and I was pretty much cured, to the extent that I can't contemplate ever being without it again.
Where I disagree with her is that you only have two options: suffer or transition.
To someone in my situation both options are equally unacceptable.
I have to ask though: why are those the only options? Chrissie seems to think that possessing breasts necessarily implies that transition is compulsory. Yet, there is an entire industry dedicated to enabling gynecomastia "sufferers" to disguise their breasts so that they can present as a male.
See:
Men Who Need Chest Support :=
<----
Chest Binders: Underworks.com and Morris Designs have chest binders and compression vests for men.
ENELL Male Support Vest: The ENELL Sports Bra company has a custom male support vest made of wicking fabric that reduces bounce and flattens the chest. They are custom made for each man.
----->
It may be that the presence of exo-estrogens in our environment or just plain obesity caused through lack of exercise in our 24-hour sedentary culture means that there is a lot more gynecomastia around.
What about trans-men? Are they "fantasists" for not wanting the mastectomy surgery? They use compression vests and binding too.
The point is, (and this is the point that I keep coming to), is that nobody who pushes the "transition at all costs" view seems to care for the wives of people who, like me, have made the best of their condition.
I have never seen any moderator on a TG support board ever ask, as I have, "what does your wife think about you losing your penis?".
I don't think it is fair to them, having been loving and supportive wives and mothers for decades to simply say: "tough. lesbians have fun too". Whilst this may be true, it is not the raison d'être of a vagina to have a piece of plastic poked in it. To me the act of physical union is the most sublime act of love. I imagine it can be approximated by two men, but have no idea how it could be by two women, if I was one of them. A strap-on would be, to me, repulsive.
No doubt if I had started earlier, perhaps as an adolescent, my views would have adapted and I would have found a male partner, but that is, at this stage, hypothetical.
To me, presenting as a man and growing breasts in order to keep my mind from becoming suicidal is the lesser of two evils.
I don't see why this is a fantasy. Yes, I'm sure compression vests are uncomfortable, but I think the GRS operations etc would be a lot more uncomfortable in the long run.
As for "deniers", well I just don't know what this means. I have no doubts that I have a transsexual brain, so I'm not denying them, and I haven't seen any messages from anyone who does.
B.
(03-01-2012, 02:38 PM)bryony Wrote: [ -> ]As for "deniers", well I just don't know what this means. I have no doubts that I have a transsexual brain, so I'm not denying them, and I haven't seen any messages from anyone who does.
I agree with almost all of what you said, but I'm a little confused about your situation. Do you not want GRS just because you love your wife, or is it that you don't want to transition for many reasons? Because that's what I thought that's what transsexual was (wanting to fully transition).
(04-01-2012, 12:48 AM)waeg123 Wrote: [ -> ]I agree with almost all of what you said, but I'm a little confused about your situation. Do you not want GRS just because you love your wife,
"Just because I love her"? I have to wonder, if you phrase the question that way, if you have been lucky enough to experience true love yet?
My definition of love includes your willingness to sacrifice anything, up to and including your life, for the person(s) that you love. (After all, a Secret Service man will take a bullet for the POTUS - and there is no love involved there!)
It works both ways, of course. In a truly loving relationship, where there are no easy answers, a couple would opt for the solution that would create the least harm for either/both of them.
Quote:...Because that's what I thought that's what transsexual was (wanting to fully transition).
My understanding of TS is based on the description by Dr Anne Vitale, who has treated over 400 TS patients. It is a condition whereby the developing foetus is exposed to the wrong amount of androgen, usually caused by stress to the mother. The brain develops as female, rather than male, resulting in gender dysphoria.
Taking cues from peer groups (we are all born naked), the female brain wants to "fit in" and be as much female as possible, in appearance at least.
I'm sure that this is a spectrum. Some TS's will have such a strong desire to become women that they will have no interest in women, and will want full GRS in order to achieve that goal.
My contention is that, if a TS is able to perform for decades as a virile husband and father, that desire cannot be too acute that GRS is
essential.
All of the mental difficulties caused by having a TS brain for me are controlled by taking estrogen, or more specifically an estrogen-mimic. Most TSs, according to Dr Vitale have their anxieties reduced this way.
Whereas if I were still young and single I very likely would go "the whole hog", now that I have a loving partner, and am unlikely ever to find a replacement, I will do anything I can not to lose her, or the family life with my kids that I value above all else.
So, although a TS may
want to transition, as a mature adult s/he has to accept that want/needs are driven by sensitivities and practicalities. The primary driver, in my opinion, for transition is a combination of political correctness and medical/pharma orthodoxy which does not seek (in the Anglosphere it seems) to take advantage of herbal remedies for the major difficulties experienced by TSs that makes their lives so hard to deal with.
I can cope now, and I can be happy, much happier than if I tried to look and act like a female. I would be no more successful at that than I am likely to be at disguising female breasts, probably less so.
There are many that disagree with these views, which they are entitled to do; but, as you asked, I answered. Therefore, I hope I won't be the recipient of ad-hom attacks.
B.
Bryony, I respect and accept your position. I also agree that there should be more than just two options. The one thing we all have in common is that we're all different. Some want to fully transition. Some want both breasts and a functioning penis while presenting as either female or male, or want to be able to pull off either depending on the situation. Some just want or need to satisfy secret or repressed longings and don't care how the world views them. Some place the needs/wants of others higher than their own desires, or vice-versa.
Everyone needs to plot their own course. While I appreciate those who want to give warnings about the potential hazards along the way or problems that they've run into, it's still up to each of us to do what we feel is best based on our individual circumstances. I take Chrissie's post as one person's warning of things that could happen to people in a similar position, and Bryony's lesson that you can find peace without requiring a full transition (and for some a partial transition IS their full transition), and that it's always in good character to keep the feelings of others in mind when making such an important decision.
The advice I'd give to anyone is:
Learn as much as you can before making a decision, and maintain your resolve while following through with that decision.
Keep your ears open for advice from those who are on or have already walked a similar path.
If aiming for a full transition, it's best to start sooner rather than later, but do it because deep down you feel it's who you really are, and not for any other reason.
Use your own best judgement.
Best wishes to all.