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MIND FRACTURING

#1

MIND FRACTURING
This has been on my mind for a while and could be an important thread so hope does not get derailed.
In my daily conversation with myself, Im a Man, no your not you’re a girl, no Im a man with a difference, no Im a man with small breasts, no you’re a woman with a penis, ok I could be TS, girl says yes and in denial, no im not Im definitely transgendered.
And the tirade goes on, every minute, second, hour of the day,
I see many times on bigender , susans forums etc where people say the Male me just was not there one day when I woke up, and then it was an easy decision to drift off into womanhood.
Many times this is caused, started, or revealed by HRT and herbs usage,
Its fine for all these people who come on this forum and proclaim loudly  I AM MAN AND WILL NEVER TRANSITION,
Hey I thought that too, and if in doubt see eva marie , and Katie , and Demon,
Many of these people who came here and said will never transition, have now gone and many have had SRS,
So If you think you can take herbs/hrt and not transition DONT KID YOURSELF, yes of course some can, and a lot do not.
You only have too look at my posts from way back and on the old forum, from 2009 to see even I now accept It could be a bit more than a fetish,
So my questions and thoughts are
If happened or happening to you ?
When did this fracture occur
What does it feel like ?
What thoughts do you have ?
Do you feel like giving up and just saying ok had enough , a woman I am and will be,
Did the Male just vanish , or did you let him slip away ?
Is the fracture slow or sudden ?
Your thoughts and opinions welcome for us all
Julie
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#2

Hello Dahling Julie
As always thanks for the thought provoking threads.
I cant contribute to the aha I'm a woman side of things but have undergone the opposite recently. I was hoping it would go away, but I am rather enjoying my life now. So here goes. I'm 68, retired for about 1 1/2 years, been out ot my wife for about 7 years, and have been on the PM herbal routing for almost 3 years.
up until 3 years ago I was living a wonderful femme life. I worked form home, would do my make up and wear my beast dresses, etc to 'work'. I was having a ball. Although I was bobbi all day at home I had to tone it down if I had to go to town, and other social events.
My 100 yo Mom came to live with us about 3 years ago, so my toned down life began. I was still pretty feminine, but dresses and full make up didnt happen, and there was not a lot of time away from mom to get all made up. I did enjoy wearing girl shorts and girl tees all summer so that was my highlight.
I kept up my herbal regime, and slowing the breasts grew..... yeah I know you want to see pics.
Last December i contracted to have my dream garage built 48' x 36' with a lift.
In Feb of this year mom passed away, and one would think Bobbi would be happy to have Bobbi full time again.
It was nice to have the freedom, but now I was also free to do what I wanted without having to check on mom every 4 hours.
I had a lot of outside dirty 'guy' things to do and loved it.
When the garage was finally done in June, I started moving the cars in and getting the inside laid out to let me start doing the greasy finger mech jobs I love.
I still took and still do take my PM and herbals for breast growth.. but I have hit a plateau in my mental lust for breasts and to go farther down this road to femininity.
My life is filled with guy thoughts of fixing cars and having fun. The obsession of having to strip off the boy clothes and get into my bra is all gone.
What caused this fracture I dont know.
I think some of it is watching the beautiful women on TV and in general life and finally saying to my self I can never act like that. I dont have the soft loving girly posture to pull it off and I dont have the curl up and me all soft and lovey side either.
Being dad, granddad and neighborhood mechanic is a life I'm better suited for so thats my new everyday mode.
I still change in the evening to a sundress and easy makeup because I dint it more comfortable, but the strong desires of the past have gone.
I know thats not the direction you were looking for but I thought it was worth throwing out to all the girls that are struggling. Its ok to be the guy too.
Bobbi
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#3

Be what you want to be, and forget about labeling it.  Just pick something you resemble and like, and use it publicly.  Sometimes accepting how you feel is more important than driving yourself mad trying to define it.

Thats at least what worked for me
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#4

Sometimes, B.A. it's easier said than done.  Especially when you might have to drag the people you love into it.  

Great thread start Julie!

XO
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#5

(01-12-2017, 01:47 AM)Aria Wrote:  Sometimes, B.A. it's easier said than done.  Especially when you might have to drag the people you love into it.  

Great thread start Julie!

XO



fair enough.  I did have to cut loose the ones that couldn't get with the program, and roll with the adaptable open minded ones.  it WAS easy for me, but only because I was ready for it
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#6

Thank you Aria, x

and Bobbi

good content, we need to hear it

x


Julie
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#7

Hi Bobbi

so what it seems , you have reached balance rather than one side of you winning

which in effect is really good news for many of us ?

yey

Julie

x
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#8

Thanks Julie,
I have noticed these feelings, or lack of them for a while now and was wanting to start a thread. Your thread seemed to be the right venue.
It was just so strange after chasing the femme life style for ages and now ... poof... it just slipped away.
Actually I was looking forward to it coming back, but I'm still femme-numb.
It is most refreshing to just do my thing. It must be much like the girls that discovered the femme feeling is the side that want to go with, and quit trying to play a boy.
Bobbi
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#9

ok

sorry got too ask ?

and Katie will go, ooooh dirty minded Julie x 


now that you have balanced do you now or still get mr happy up and awake ?


Julie

x
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#10

I`v been debating whether to share this here or not, as it`s Very personal, but as an excersize in Authenticity and Humility I decided that it`s worth it, as it May help someone else.


For me the Fracturing was a real thing, I had what could best be described as a nervous breakdown, after a booze
session (one of many I might add) my personality litteraly Split, there was Him and Her in one body, and Both
would take turns talking. i`d noticed in the run-up to this that there was often an internal dialogue between the
2 "sides" of this body. apparently, during one of his rants "he" had snarled "Shes going to chop my ****`s off and
kill me!". I have no recollection of this at all, and only know of it because my wife told me, and that when he
was drinking I couldn`t come through, "it shuts that F*****g B***h up!", oh yeah, and "if she`s allowed out, she`s going to get us both killed".

charming! LOL

Towards the end, a sort of awkward truce was arrived at, I would be allowed 1 year to take over and see what sort
of a mess I make of it and thus prove his point. "he" would back away and leave me to it entirely, and there would
be no chance of "him" bailing me out if I got into trouble!
Me... I said "deal!" Cool

That was 2 years ago, and I`m still here!!!
what`s more is that He`s Not here, I can`t access him if I tried, he`s just Gone (in as much as he was ever really there?). it was like walking through a door and turning around and there door isn`t there anymore. And I`v never been happier in my entire life, a re-occuring nightmare that I`v had ever since I was little has also stopped!

I still have the note/letter he left me the last time he was here, and that`s the only real thing I have to Show that it was all real, that and what my wife tells me. it was like waking up from a Spell, and Now I`m Finally Free Big Grin



It was certainly by far the most dramatic part of the entire healing process, but that survival mode and all those fears made manifest no longer have a place and don`t serve me anymore, and I`m pleased to say there`s only One voice now!

xx
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