[Katie]

Have you tried going Other places en femme instead?
I ask because it`s well known that little kids seem to have some sort of super power of being able to spot a trans person, them and teenage girls are the worst, problem with either is that they don`t have much of a filter when it comes to vocalising it either!
Note of encouragement though, given enough time you`ll be able to walk through whole crowds of them and no one will even notice a thing! will be going through your head when that happens

that place you go for food sounds like a real danger zone at the moment, i`m wondering if you can pass amongst people that Don`t know you or haven`t seen you before? this will help build your confidence a little more.


you said: "they know I'm just a guy in drag" now This bit concerns me quite a bit! NO they Think you are a guy in drag, the way you said sounds like you agree with them.
we have to very very careful with our self-talk, words have power!

well done on the name change, it`s quite a buzz when you`re real name gets used, I still enjoy it now (I hope it never gets old) xx

[Jennipher]

Hi Oki,
Just read through your thread for the first time. I admire your courage and determination! From a sociological perspective, you are a minority in that environment, ergo the anxiety. Add the stares and remarks, and that only compounds your feelings. Of course as a WASP (White, Anglo Saxon, Protestant) I haven’t been a minority very often, but when I have been in those situations my anxiety level peaked. 

Two thoughts:

First, try to find some balance if you can sometime during the week by spending time with those who accept and love you as the woman you are. Any trans friendly groups/places close by you can frequent?

Second, odds are there are among those kids, and maybe even adults, people just like you, who are scared to death to do what you are doing, but are dying inside because of their fear. You are a positive example to them, and your courage may encourage them in their own journey. On a higher level, you may save someone’s life, given the high suicide rate among LGBTQ people. 

You are a pioneer in your small town, but clearly you’re up to the task!

Pulling for you,
Jenn

[JennaFae]

yey
well done GIRL
x

Julie

Good for you hun!  You’re a lot braver than I.  I still go out as a man but with more and more daring, I guess I’m a sucker for prolonging the punishment...

Jenna xxx

[oki]

Katie, I can pass glances on the street but nothing more. I've stopped obsessing about passing for the sake of my sanity:).
Of course I could go to other places. Or I could cook at home too;). But this is my hometown, I'm not gonna run or hide or even alter my habits. There's also a certain misanthropy involved: I can't let the babbling sheep instill their fear and conformity in me...
And no, it's not a real danger zone. Czechs are xenophobic but also indolent and uncaring. As the old adage goes: Sticks and stones................
In fact, I'd rarely felt less as a "guy in drag" than I did at that moment, but you're right about the self-talk. This kind of self-deprecation and irony doesn't serve me anymore.

Jenn, believe it or not, but I've never thought about it like that:-O. That's just hilarious: given the sheer amount of the spectators it's very likely I'm sort of a role model or even a hero for a couple of them:D. For me they were largely just a stimuli and feedback providing background. But now I feel I could start creating a healthier connection to people. Because that HRT... what a thing!

:)))