24-01-2017, 06:31 AM
Wow, okay, it has been a really really long while since I've last posted anything substantial here. Work has kept me pretty busy, and I've also been pretty distracted with slowly coming out. I've told a few more people and thus far they have been accepting of me. So that's been good. Of course the only one really not accepting of this is my wife, which I totally get. She didn't marry a woman, she married a man.
Therapy sessions are still going very well, I think I am becoming a lot more confident in myself as well as being a bit more assertive than I used to be. At the start of the year I had mentioned about where I volunteer at and that it was very warm and loving place. Everyone addresses me as Sofia no matter how I look. My therapist asked me if I would prefer being called Sofia there. I kind of shrugged and said it didn't matter. She said that it did matter, I smiled and said yes, I would like that. So she updated my chart with the request. The next time I came in, her assistant greeted me and caught my off guard by calling me Ms. My Last Name. Of course that really made my day!! This past week I went dressed in all female attire, and did my makeup. It went surprisingly well and it was nice being out and about as me. My therapist said that I looked beautiful which of course made me giggle and blush with slight embarrassment. She had a few tips for me, which was greatly appreciated. Here are a pic from that day:
A few weeks ago, I went out locally to Gay/Lesbian bar. They were having a special charity event to help raise money for the LGBTQ Center I volunteer at. I got nicely dressed and went. While it was okay, to be honest, bar scenes have never really been my thing. Even in college it wasn't something I did. Still overall it wasn't too bad of an experience and it was nice to be out and about as myself. Since I was technically there representing the center, I did get called up to say a few words which completely caught me off guard. I was totally nervous and can't remember what the heck I said. LOL I was also luck that someone I knew was there so I at least had someone to talk to. Though it was a bit awkward cause when she was telling her friend about me, she cupped my breasts and told her friend I was on hormones. To be fair, I was warned that other TG females tend to grab ones another's breasts. Still, it took me by surprise that happened to me. LOL I ended up giving her and her a friend a ride home which meant I didn't get home till really late. Of course my wife was not happy about my having stayed out so late. Here is a pic from that night:
For the most part I have been super happy with myself. I accept me, and I am happy with me. Things just seem to be falling into place and it has been very surreal. I will be starting voice therapy sessions soon. I will also be attending a meeting that covers gender and gender marker change here soon as well. I keep thinking I am going to wake up soon and all of this is going to be a dream. Luckily I wake up each day and it looks like I am not dreaming, this is really happening! There's been so much more that has happened to me, and it has been absolutely amazing!! The day after my therapy session where I went dressed in female clothing I decided to see just how fast I could do my makeup. It took me just over a hour. I really need to practice more and get that done faster. Here's a pic from that day:
So it's been bothering me that I have not told my mom about me. We'd always been close, but lately, I've just been pushing her away. I debated telling her on Sunday since we were going to church. It was suggested to me by some friends in the chatroom to flip a coin, so went for 2 out of 3 which resulted in 2 Yes's and 1 No. Decided for 3 out of 5, and resulted in another Yes. So the Yes's won! LOL
After church, I told her. She processed it, and tried to understand it, but she was confusing Sexual Identity with Gender Identity. So I had to explain it a few times, but I am still not sure she fully got it. We had lunch, and she started to cry. In hindsight, I probably should have waited till after lunch.
It was a lot for her to take in. She was realizing that a lot of things would change, and be affected. Pretty much a large ripple effect. She was able to gather her composure and we walked around the mall after lunch for a bit. My mom was a bit sad because she'd always wanted a daughter. And so she never got to experience combing and doing my hair, dressing me in cute little outfits, going shopping. So that was a bit heartbreaking for her. I told her we could still go shopping! She was a bit hesitant about that because she wasn't sure how'd she explain that.
I did show her what I looked like, and all she said was that she recognized my smile. I didn't press further as I didn't want to make her cry. Of course I was still curious as to what she thought about what I looked like. I pressed the question today. She said it was hard for her to say. She said I looked okay, but was having a difficulty with the idea of the part she is losing. :\ It's going to take a bit of time for her to wrap her head around everything.
Yesterday she said that no matter what, she still loves me, and that just made my day. I think things will be okay between my mom and I, probably just going to take a bit of time and education.
Sorry my updates have been sparse, and I haven't kept up with what's been going on here. Just wanted to let everyone know how things are going so far. I spend more of my time in the chatroom and share a lot of what's going on in my life as well as a lot of my progress as well. If you ever want to talk to someone, please stop by, activity in the room varies throughout the day. Just be sure to say hi so I am notified that there is activity in the room.
Information on the chatroom can be found here:
NBECHAT v3.0
I hope everyone is doing well! Thanks for taking the time to read this somewhat lengthy post.
Therapy sessions are still going very well, I think I am becoming a lot more confident in myself as well as being a bit more assertive than I used to be. At the start of the year I had mentioned about where I volunteer at and that it was very warm and loving place. Everyone addresses me as Sofia no matter how I look. My therapist asked me if I would prefer being called Sofia there. I kind of shrugged and said it didn't matter. She said that it did matter, I smiled and said yes, I would like that. So she updated my chart with the request. The next time I came in, her assistant greeted me and caught my off guard by calling me Ms. My Last Name. Of course that really made my day!! This past week I went dressed in all female attire, and did my makeup. It went surprisingly well and it was nice being out and about as me. My therapist said that I looked beautiful which of course made me giggle and blush with slight embarrassment. She had a few tips for me, which was greatly appreciated. Here are a pic from that day:
A few weeks ago, I went out locally to Gay/Lesbian bar. They were having a special charity event to help raise money for the LGBTQ Center I volunteer at. I got nicely dressed and went. While it was okay, to be honest, bar scenes have never really been my thing. Even in college it wasn't something I did. Still overall it wasn't too bad of an experience and it was nice to be out and about as myself. Since I was technically there representing the center, I did get called up to say a few words which completely caught me off guard. I was totally nervous and can't remember what the heck I said. LOL I was also luck that someone I knew was there so I at least had someone to talk to. Though it was a bit awkward cause when she was telling her friend about me, she cupped my breasts and told her friend I was on hormones. To be fair, I was warned that other TG females tend to grab ones another's breasts. Still, it took me by surprise that happened to me. LOL I ended up giving her and her a friend a ride home which meant I didn't get home till really late. Of course my wife was not happy about my having stayed out so late. Here is a pic from that night:
For the most part I have been super happy with myself. I accept me, and I am happy with me. Things just seem to be falling into place and it has been very surreal. I will be starting voice therapy sessions soon. I will also be attending a meeting that covers gender and gender marker change here soon as well. I keep thinking I am going to wake up soon and all of this is going to be a dream. Luckily I wake up each day and it looks like I am not dreaming, this is really happening! There's been so much more that has happened to me, and it has been absolutely amazing!! The day after my therapy session where I went dressed in female clothing I decided to see just how fast I could do my makeup. It took me just over a hour. I really need to practice more and get that done faster. Here's a pic from that day:
So it's been bothering me that I have not told my mom about me. We'd always been close, but lately, I've just been pushing her away. I debated telling her on Sunday since we were going to church. It was suggested to me by some friends in the chatroom to flip a coin, so went for 2 out of 3 which resulted in 2 Yes's and 1 No. Decided for 3 out of 5, and resulted in another Yes. So the Yes's won! LOL
After church, I told her. She processed it, and tried to understand it, but she was confusing Sexual Identity with Gender Identity. So I had to explain it a few times, but I am still not sure she fully got it. We had lunch, and she started to cry. In hindsight, I probably should have waited till after lunch.
It was a lot for her to take in. She was realizing that a lot of things would change, and be affected. Pretty much a large ripple effect. She was able to gather her composure and we walked around the mall after lunch for a bit. My mom was a bit sad because she'd always wanted a daughter. And so she never got to experience combing and doing my hair, dressing me in cute little outfits, going shopping. So that was a bit heartbreaking for her. I told her we could still go shopping! She was a bit hesitant about that because she wasn't sure how'd she explain that.
I did show her what I looked like, and all she said was that she recognized my smile. I didn't press further as I didn't want to make her cry. Of course I was still curious as to what she thought about what I looked like. I pressed the question today. She said it was hard for her to say. She said I looked okay, but was having a difficulty with the idea of the part she is losing. :\ It's going to take a bit of time for her to wrap her head around everything.
Yesterday she said that no matter what, she still loves me, and that just made my day. I think things will be okay between my mom and I, probably just going to take a bit of time and education.
Sorry my updates have been sparse, and I haven't kept up with what's been going on here. Just wanted to let everyone know how things are going so far. I spend more of my time in the chatroom and share a lot of what's going on in my life as well as a lot of my progress as well. If you ever want to talk to someone, please stop by, activity in the room varies throughout the day. Just be sure to say hi so I am notified that there is activity in the room.
Information on the chatroom can be found here:
NBECHAT v3.0
I hope everyone is doing well! Thanks for taking the time to read this somewhat lengthy post.