Hello. High time for an update!
When I’m at home I observe this regimen:
Morning:
PM Ainterol powder 500 – 700 mg,
half a Ca tablet or some Ca-rich drink,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
ground milk thistle seeds a teaspoon,
evening primrose oil a teaspoon,
multivitamin pill.
Afternoon:
FG powdered seeds 700 – 1000 mg,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
coconut oil a teaspoon,
aloe vera gel cca 15 ml.
Bedtime:
PM Ainterol powder 500 – 700 mg,
half a Ca tablet,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
EPO a teaspoon,
MSM Alavis (for horses heh heh) cca 3g,
PC Ona’s Natural 10%,
infusion containing spearmint, red clover, hops and other herbs,
massage with olive oil and aloe vera gel (AKA Lotus’ new concoction
)
Irregularly:
„Pumping“ of nipples and areolas with suckers for inverted nipples.
When I’m not at home, the regimen is a tad more basic: PM, Ca, WP, reishi, EPO, FG, MSM, PC.
I’m going without a break since the half of November, the longest I’ve ever had. The changes both physical and mental are quite profound. I’m slowly wrapping my head around the fact that the journey just won’t stop at some hypothetical sweet spot and that I will eventually transition in some way and will have to rebuild my life. In fact I’m doing that daily, little by little. Consequences are staggering though. Even the most positive and rose-coloured train of thought always ends at: “You are 195 cm. You can never pass.” And while I ponder and hesitate, time flies.
Some recent successes:
Babies, obviously: No longer just girl-like mounds, they’re little breasts now. Suckers have made nipples and areolas quite prominent, sensitive and awesome to play with. They are also very pretty when erect. When not erect, they are puffy, which is not particularly attractive. So I don’t pump very often. And how strange to get up and get hot immediately by one’s own breasts. Makes me long every morning for strong hairy hands grabbing at them. Sigh
. Of course, they are not easily hidden. Since I don’t want to spend the rest of my summers in oversized shirts, there’s no other sane way than to start displaying them casually or even proudly; consistently. Tough just to imagine. That will be (already is) one hell of a fight with my own attention-shunning nature.
Nails: I visited a manicurist the other day and we had an unexpectedly nice time together. One could tell she had never had a „male“ customer like this one before in our little town and was thrilled about it. We found a nice shape for the nails, she P.Shined them and in the end charged me far less than what was advertised on her website. I later ordered a P.Shine kit of my own, so now I wear long, shiny and pointy nails again. I still have to fight the urge to hide them from time to time, but it’s getting better.
Facial hair: I started laser removal. It will take months and it looks like more light brown hair will remain than I’ve hoped for. One advice: have an electric shaver. If you really must shave the wet way, have some antibiotic (e.g. erytromycin in alcohol) and use it generously. I had neither and ended with folliculitis and nasty red marks all over face and neck. It doesn’t heal fast.
Family: Well, we don’t talk much and are not very close. My feminization was of course obvious, but still unspoken taboo. So one day my parents sat with me (almost confrontation-style
) and commented on the changes and on what they perceive as my „problems“ and my „struggling“ with my „sexual orientation“. I had to smile and assured them there is no struggle and the only problem is I’m too slow with my projects. Meaning my mind is settled about the thing, only the implementation in life is slow and painful. I felt good about the thing, only in retrospect I wish I had more guts and was more open. Especially because it was clear poor fellas know absolutely nothing about the transgender issues and there is a lot of space for misunderstanding. By my supportive sister it was acknowledged wordlessly, we just went shopping for female clothes and then she gave me her surplus mascara… So yeah, I count this as my-family-specific sort of coming outJ.
Name: Years ago, when some sissy hypno file told me to get a female name, it came to me effortlessly and naturally and all was well. Later, when I began seriously with hormones I realized the name no longer feels right, as if it was stained, just a fuel for some masturbation fantasy. So I waited (more than a year!) for a new name to appear. It has not. Okay, if subconscious doesn’t care, I’ll try to find the name consciously. What were those names I suggested to my sister for her daughter? Beautiful names, graceful names, all five of them but none of them for me. Okay, what next? Say… what were the names I liked as a very little boy, in kindergarten, where girls were aliens? Surely I can’t remember. Amazingly, one jumped forth and it was perfect. How come I’ve never thought of it before?! Thus I’ve got a brand new female name.
What did not go so well:
Guys: Though I sometimes feel more than ready for a man and have spent a considerable effort in this regard, no big deal so far. Doesn’t bother me much, I’m learning the ropes as fast as I can. I could muse at length over hows and whys, but… nope.
Hair: It’s about time to walk in to the lady hairdresser’s and get cut and styled in feminine manner. And get dyed chestnut brown<3. Still gathering the courage.
Wardrobe: I’ve done little to overcome my disgust for clothes shopping, so my feminine wardrobe remains pitiful. Too often I choose the safety and conformity of male clothing.
The pool: I haven’t been naked in public for more than 2 months and the anxiety is mounting. Should go to the pool just to keep it in check. I’m even thinking it might be easier to wear a 2 piece swimsuit (red, with strings hanging from the sides, hihi) than to „flaunt“ the tits. Dunno.
What next?:
Move to the big city. I feel stifled and isolated in my town. I guess it’s time to move.
Establish a network of supportive people. One can’t transition alone. But how exactly one goes about this? For me, the toughest project of them all.
Seek professional counselling. Wait, did I just say that?! Oh my, I’ve come a long way...
Research HRT options. If I could jump to HRT today, I probably would. Goodbye body hair. Goodbye Mr. Long&Mighty. Goodbye doubt. Never knew ya.
When I’m at home I observe this regimen:
Morning:
PM Ainterol powder 500 – 700 mg,
half a Ca tablet or some Ca-rich drink,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
ground milk thistle seeds a teaspoon,
evening primrose oil a teaspoon,
multivitamin pill.
Afternoon:
FG powdered seeds 700 – 1000 mg,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
coconut oil a teaspoon,
aloe vera gel cca 15 ml.
Bedtime:
PM Ainterol powder 500 – 700 mg,
half a Ca tablet,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
EPO a teaspoon,
MSM Alavis (for horses heh heh) cca 3g,
PC Ona’s Natural 10%,
infusion containing spearmint, red clover, hops and other herbs,
massage with olive oil and aloe vera gel (AKA Lotus’ new concoction
)Irregularly:
„Pumping“ of nipples and areolas with suckers for inverted nipples.
When I’m not at home, the regimen is a tad more basic: PM, Ca, WP, reishi, EPO, FG, MSM, PC.
I’m going without a break since the half of November, the longest I’ve ever had. The changes both physical and mental are quite profound. I’m slowly wrapping my head around the fact that the journey just won’t stop at some hypothetical sweet spot and that I will eventually transition in some way and will have to rebuild my life. In fact I’m doing that daily, little by little. Consequences are staggering though. Even the most positive and rose-coloured train of thought always ends at: “You are 195 cm. You can never pass.” And while I ponder and hesitate, time flies.
Some recent successes:
Babies, obviously: No longer just girl-like mounds, they’re little breasts now. Suckers have made nipples and areolas quite prominent, sensitive and awesome to play with. They are also very pretty when erect. When not erect, they are puffy, which is not particularly attractive. So I don’t pump very often. And how strange to get up and get hot immediately by one’s own breasts. Makes me long every morning for strong hairy hands grabbing at them. Sigh
. Of course, they are not easily hidden. Since I don’t want to spend the rest of my summers in oversized shirts, there’s no other sane way than to start displaying them casually or even proudly; consistently. Tough just to imagine. That will be (already is) one hell of a fight with my own attention-shunning nature. Nails: I visited a manicurist the other day and we had an unexpectedly nice time together. One could tell she had never had a „male“ customer like this one before in our little town and was thrilled about it. We found a nice shape for the nails, she P.Shined them and in the end charged me far less than what was advertised on her website. I later ordered a P.Shine kit of my own, so now I wear long, shiny and pointy nails again. I still have to fight the urge to hide them from time to time, but it’s getting better.
Facial hair: I started laser removal. It will take months and it looks like more light brown hair will remain than I’ve hoped for. One advice: have an electric shaver. If you really must shave the wet way, have some antibiotic (e.g. erytromycin in alcohol) and use it generously. I had neither and ended with folliculitis and nasty red marks all over face and neck. It doesn’t heal fast.
Family: Well, we don’t talk much and are not very close. My feminization was of course obvious, but still unspoken taboo. So one day my parents sat with me (almost confrontation-style
) and commented on the changes and on what they perceive as my „problems“ and my „struggling“ with my „sexual orientation“. I had to smile and assured them there is no struggle and the only problem is I’m too slow with my projects. Meaning my mind is settled about the thing, only the implementation in life is slow and painful. I felt good about the thing, only in retrospect I wish I had more guts and was more open. Especially because it was clear poor fellas know absolutely nothing about the transgender issues and there is a lot of space for misunderstanding. By my supportive sister it was acknowledged wordlessly, we just went shopping for female clothes and then she gave me her surplus mascara… So yeah, I count this as my-family-specific sort of coming outJ.Name: Years ago, when some sissy hypno file told me to get a female name, it came to me effortlessly and naturally and all was well. Later, when I began seriously with hormones I realized the name no longer feels right, as if it was stained, just a fuel for some masturbation fantasy. So I waited (more than a year!) for a new name to appear. It has not. Okay, if subconscious doesn’t care, I’ll try to find the name consciously. What were those names I suggested to my sister for her daughter? Beautiful names, graceful names, all five of them but none of them for me. Okay, what next? Say… what were the names I liked as a very little boy, in kindergarten, where girls were aliens? Surely I can’t remember. Amazingly, one jumped forth and it was perfect. How come I’ve never thought of it before?! Thus I’ve got a brand new female name
.What did not go so well:
Guys: Though I sometimes feel more than ready for a man and have spent a considerable effort in this regard, no big deal so far. Doesn’t bother me much, I’m learning the ropes as fast as I can. I could muse at length over hows and whys, but… nope.
Hair: It’s about time to walk in to the lady hairdresser’s and get cut and styled in feminine manner. And get dyed chestnut brown<3. Still gathering the courage.
Wardrobe: I’ve done little to overcome my disgust for clothes shopping, so my feminine wardrobe remains pitiful. Too often I choose the safety and conformity of male clothing.
The pool: I haven’t been naked in public for more than 2 months and the anxiety is mounting. Should go to the pool just to keep it in check. I’m even thinking it might be easier to wear a 2 piece swimsuit (red, with strings hanging from the sides, hihi) than to „flaunt“ the tits. Dunno.
What next?:
Move to the big city. I feel stifled and isolated in my town. I guess it’s time to move.
Establish a network of supportive people. One can’t transition alone. But how exactly one goes about this? For me, the toughest project of them all.
Seek professional counselling. Wait, did I just say that?! Oh my, I’ve come a long way...
Research HRT options. If I could jump to HRT today, I probably would. Goodbye body hair. Goodbye Mr. Long&Mighty. Goodbye doubt. Never knew ya.