[The First Aria]

Hi!
I did my month long term without E and AAs in August and resumed them in September. The break turned out to be surprisingly unpleasant but informative affair.

I too had to take a break for 2 months, as one of my hormones were a little elevated.

I felt real lost, questioning all that I said or did. Fogged up...

Breasts lost all sensitivity by the third week. Volume loss by far exceeded my expectations, apparently between half and 2/3 went away in a month. That raises a question what exactly makes the breast look so full? Must be some temporary tissue swelling, because gland won't go away ever and fat won't go in a month (or will it?). Also it tones down those alarming statements in the vein of "once you got'em, you have'em for life". I do, but much, much smaller than web testimonies made me believe.

I read somewhere, that glandular tissue occupies about 35 - 50% of breast mass. I wish I could find that again. But it was in the beginning of my Gynecomastia.

Oily skin. My face looks like a mess, it's almost not funny!

More serious consequence was rather extreme horniness. Difficulty to concentrate, to sustain attention. Morning wood. Etc.

The most insidious effect, though, was rise/return of doubt and discontentment. On one hand I felt like I lost my track, I'm wasting time, I'm breaking my decision and sabotaging my endeavour. On the other hand I looked into the mirror and felt not pretty enough, further attempts at feminization futile and foolish.

Overall, the break seems like a misstep, albeit necessary one. The idea was to get a clearer perspective and get some important work done. The reality (or my interpretation of it) is that perspective got dimmed by incessant doubt and work got delayed and interrupted by anger and frustration. And fighting off the urge to go have a wank. Phew!
So... I don't see myself repeating such a radical break anytime soon. Regular breaks are not a viable proposition either, considering the hassle of gradual weening off the dosage and then building up again and more importantly the spike in horniness (far greater than in pre-NBE days, IIRC) and skin problems. The next time I feel a need to slow down, I'll rather try to find and settle on a maintenance dose, if there is such a thing.

Anyway, I decided to continue with feminization, doubt notwithstanding. When I'm okay, it feels great and when I'm down, well... I learnt to ignore my feelings when I'm down, remembering the reasonings of sunny days instead. Plus I already carry quite a baggage of abandoned projects and stillborn plans so I can't very well afford another... But indeed, there is a wall where I'm headed where I'll have to stop or take the consequence like ah... a man. Meanwhile:

My regimen, ramped up a bit:
PM 1000 mg/day
FG 500 mg/day (1000mg in a previous post was a typo)
reishi 45 drops/day
WP 60 drops/day
PC
MSM 4-5 g/day
coconut oil teaspoon/day
milk thistle 1-2 teaspoons/day (ground seed husks)
green tea with spearmint
soy beverage

Also I finally made it happen to implement three daily doses instead of two AND stick to it. Very fancy and feels right, but so far I missed one afternoon dose and immediately got sick. Such dependence is downright scary and should it happen again, I'll have to think things over very hard...

Breasts are getting back to shape fast, and could be at pre-break size in 2 or 3 weeks. Libido is still quite high, but managable; face is stabilizing.

Let me conclude with a question. How much are phytoestrogens susceptible to heat? I made a stock of dried red clover, can I make an infusion of it and reap benefits or rather just eat it? Thank you!

A person gotta do, what a person gotta do! Hang in there, and if you haven't, maybe a therapist might do you good if you haven't already.