[oki]

Thank you for words of encouragement!

A few notes regarding a break from E and AAs:
I stupidly stopped cold turkey and got rewarded by four days of headache (right before it subsided it was the worst I ever had). 17 days in traces of growth pains still linger but volume loss is disheartening. I'd say about last two months' gains are lost. That doesn't worry me much, it'll be back soon upon restarting the routine. Other than that no significant changes.

I would say your going to be a big girl.

Now reading this made me shiver a little inside. Mmm.

How long did it take for you to no feel fatigued?

I'm not sure. The fatigue was noticable but not really that serious. I think its the consequence of shifts in hormonal balances rather than presence of estrogen itself. Thus, given time, system stabilizes and things should return to the norm. Or the new norm is established not that far from the old one. The same applies for libido, potency, etc.
If you find the effects overwhelming right away, reduce your dosage.

You've mentioned that you don't need to transition, but you "want it more than ever". I personally hope there is some middle way between two options you mentioned: transition OR suppression ("back in male mode"... etc.).

Made me think. Upon reflection I see did not express myself clearly. Full-fledged transition is as of now sort of a beacon beyond the horizon, showing the general way. I'll go in that direction and stop when I feel like it, not obsessing about reaching the destination. On the other hand, self-induced suppression is an unlikely (im)possibility. So I see myself going the middle way. Rather vague "passable TS" should in fact mean something like "femmy queer whom even an open-minded heterosexual man might be interested in". Again, middle road. There are no imperatives... Instead there is rejection of convenction and ingrained expectations while asking myself: "What do I genuinely want? Is it within my reach? Can I get away with it?". The third one is a big unknown. Just a matter of time before powers-that-be try to put one right, right?

you have been slowly adding different aspects of femininity to your overall outwards presentation. Could you elaborate a little bit?

When I feel like I can take some attention I do some or all of these (small things by themselves, but cumulative effect sends a clear message):
I wear women's s shorts and jeans. Short and tight (men's) T-shirts that make the breasts truly peek out (which is a bit over the top but kinda turns me on). Inconspicuous necklace and bracelet. I used to have really long & somewhat pointy nails with milky polish on them. That was definitely over the top and I had quite a love/disgust relationship with them. They provoked some comments and many-a stare. Got rid of them a month ago. Wore a women's perfume for some time (Oriflame's Mirage to be specific), not anymore.
Plus the face... if I just wash the hair, shave and smile, it's startlingly feminine. Part PM, two parts plain luck. I feel I can't even get the hair styled in some fashionable manner or eyebrows trimmed or wear rings because I wouldn't pass even for a misguided, funny-looking male.
Well, what do you do, Poly?