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oki's program

#31

How do you stay so thin? Is it regular exercise, diet, or just luck?
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#32

(22-01-2017, 12:02 PM)julieTG Wrote:  Stunningly beautiful
Julie

Thank youSmile.


(23-01-2017, 06:44 PM)Learning Wrote:  How do you stay so thin? Is it regular exercise, diet, or just luck?

It's genetics. I've always been extremely thin. It took me years and years to overcome the embarassment of people seeing those girly stick-like wrists and non-existent pecs. Now I'm slowly getting ever plumpier (....what a beautiful wordBig Grin). I doubted phytoestrogens could make it and I'm exhilarated it works.

Also, I've been drinking large quantities of tea for at least 15 years. I believe regular drinking of green tea contributes to the weight loss.
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#33

(19-01-2017, 04:25 PM)oki Wrote:  Hello!
I've recently got me a job as a carer for the disabled in the UK, which means a lot of travelling, challenges, learning and no time for BN. I'm back home for a while though so it's time for an update on my progress.
There were many reasons behind my going for this kind of job, several of them, should I say, trans-related. I needed the finance to fund some more serious steps towards feminization (facial hair removal, for instance). I wanted to get away from the inhibitions of my hometown, family, background, habits, etc. and explore my trans feelings with fresh perspective. I wanted to confront those feelings, efforts and results with the world out there, beyond my everyday horizon.  I wanted to finally have an encounter with a guy, which I don't feel like doing in my own backyard, it being a small town and all...
What was learned and achieved? Money... 's not that bad mate, to borrow a phrase. Guys... I dipped my toes in a world of gay dating apps and had some girly fun with that but nothing real happened yet. Apparently I'm too fem and not that interesting for your average gay Joe, heh.
NBE... It was difficult to maintain the regimen, but I was feeling very motivated most of the time and stuck to the core stuff: PM with Ca, WP, reishi, PC, coconut oil. FG irregularly. At one point I run out of reishi and seeing the £ prices opted to replace it with EPO. I must admit I might have underestimated the AA potency of my cheap Czech reishi extract, as the effects of T seemed to kick in hard soon after.
After just 6 or 7 weeks of careless/irregular dosing (following another break) I ended with quite serious results. It's fun and joy when hidden behind walls or clothes, but when naked... The splendid days of ambiguity are gone and I now look like a transsexual-in-making. And more and more self-conscious of the fact, like a teen girl ashamed of her changing body. I used to enjoy going to the pool or spa and show off a little, now I find it really hard to stand the looks and occasional muffled talk ("you see?" "yeah" "never seen a trans before" "neither did I"). Well I don't run away from such situations but can't enjoy myself in them anymore.
And that's the point where I ask what's the point of the whole damn thing? When it tangibly subtracts from my enjoyment of life and adds to it in subtle ways only? I always felt that my feminization has to be authentic or not to be at all; an integral and natural part of my experience that must not devolve into something hidden and shameful, a fetish. Yet this fight for uh... "purity of vision" seems to be a losing case at the moment.
On the other hand the solid fact is there is no going back to the flat chest, hair all over, doing husbandly tasks for GFs, competing with males, being on top in bed... Thus I carry on with my journey, two steps onward and one step back, trying and often failing to enjoy the process, hoping it doesn't end in disaster...

Oh my ! Beautiful breasts! Job well done!
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#34

Wow, all i can say is WOW... O_O

Your growth is nothing short of Fantastic... Check of off on the Jealous list!
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#35

Hello. High time for an update!
 
When I’m at home I observe this regimen:
Morning:
PM Ainterol powder 500 – 700 mg,
half a Ca tablet or some Ca-rich drink,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
ground milk thistle seeds a teaspoon,
evening primrose oil a teaspoon,
multivitamin pill.
Afternoon:
FG powdered seeds 700 – 1000 mg,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
coconut oil a teaspoon,
aloe vera gel cca 15 ml.
Bedtime:
PM Ainterol powder 500 – 700 mg,
half a Ca tablet,
WP Baldwin’s alcoholic extract 20 drops,
reishi alcoholic extract 15 drops,
EPO a teaspoon,
MSM Alavis (for horses heh heh) cca 3g,
PC Ona’s Natural 10%,
infusion containing spearmint, red clover, hops and other herbs,
massage with olive oil and aloe vera gel (AKA Lotus’ new concoctionSmile)
Irregularly:
„Pumping“ of nipples and areolas with suckers for inverted nipples.
 
When I’m not at home, the regimen is a tad more basic: PM, Ca, WP, reishi, EPO, FG, MSM, PC.
 
I’m going without a break since the half of November, the longest I’ve ever had. The changes both physical and mental are quite profound. I’m slowly wrapping my head around the fact  that the journey just won’t stop at some hypothetical sweet spot and that I will eventually transition in some way and will have to rebuild my life. In fact I’m doing that daily, little by little. Consequences are staggering though. Even the most positive and rose-coloured train of thought always ends at: “You are 195 cm. You can never pass.” And while I ponder and hesitate, time flies.
 
Some recent successes:
Babies, obviously: No longer just girl-like mounds, they’re little breasts now. Suckers have made nipples and areolas quite prominent, sensitive and awesome to play with. They are also very pretty when erect. When not erect, they are puffy, which is not particularly attractive. So I don’t pump very often. And how strange to get up and get hot immediately by one’s own breasts. Makes me long every morning for strong hairy hands grabbing at them. SighWink. Of course, they are not easily hidden. Since I don’t want to spend the rest of my summers in oversized shirts, there’s no other sane way than to start displaying them casually or even proudly; consistently. Tough just to imagine. That will be (already is) one hell of a fight with my own attention-shunning nature.
 
Nails: I visited a manicurist the other day and we had an unexpectedly nice time together. One could tell she had never had a „male“ customer like this one before in our little town and was thrilled about it. We found a nice shape for the nails, she P.Shined them and in the end charged me far less than what was advertised on her website. I later ordered a P.Shine kit of my own, so now I wear long, shiny and pointy nails again. I still have to fight the urge to hide them from time to time, but it’s getting better.
 
Facial hair: I started laser removal. It will take months and it looks like more light brown hair will remain than I’ve hoped for. One advice: have an electric shaver. If you really must shave the wet way, have some antibiotic (e.g. erytromycin in alcohol) and use it generously. I had neither and ended with folliculitis and nasty red marks all over face and neck. It doesn’t heal fast.
 
Family: Well, we don’t talk much and are not very close. My feminization was of course obvious, but still unspoken taboo. So one day my parents sat with me (almost confrontation-styleBig Grin) and commented on the changes and on what they  perceive as my „problems“ and my „struggling“ with my „sexual orientation“. I had to smile and assured them there is no struggle and the only problem is I’m too slow with my projects. Meaning my mind is settled about the thing, only the implementation in life is slow and painful. I felt good about the thing, only in retrospect I wish I had more guts and was more open. Especially because it was clear poor fellas know absolutely nothing about the transgender issues and there is a lot of space for misunderstanding. By my supportive sister it was acknowledged wordlessly, we just went shopping for female clothes and then she gave me her surplus mascara… So yeah, I count this as my-family-specific sort of coming outJ.
 
Name: Years ago, when some sissy hypno file told me to get a female name, it came to me effortlessly and naturally and all was well. Later, when I began seriously with hormones I realized the name no longer feels right, as if it was stained, just a fuel for some masturbation fantasy. So I waited (more than a year!) for a new name to appear. It has not. Okay, if subconscious doesn’t care, I’ll try to find the name consciously. What were those names I suggested to my sister for her daughter? Beautiful names, graceful names, all five of them but none of them for me. Okay, what next? Say… what were the names I liked as a very little boy, in kindergarten, where girls were aliens? Surely I can’t remember. Amazingly, one jumped forth and it was perfect. How come I’ve never thought of it before?! Thus I’ve got a brand new female nameSmile.
 
What did not go so well: 
Guys: Though I sometimes feel more than ready for a man and have spent a considerable effort in this regard, no big deal so far. Doesn’t bother me much, I’m learning the ropes as fast as I can. I could muse at length over hows and whys, but… nope.
 
Hair: It’s about time to walk in to the lady hairdresser’s and get cut and styled in feminine manner. And get dyed chestnut brown<3. Still gathering the courage.
 
Wardrobe: I’ve done little to overcome my disgust for clothes shopping, so my feminine wardrobe remains pitiful. Too often I choose the safety and conformity of male clothing.
 
The pool: I haven’t been naked in public for more than 2 months and the anxiety is mounting. Should go to the pool just to keep it in check. I’m even thinking it might be easier to wear a 2 piece swimsuit (red, with strings hanging from the sides, hihi) than to „flaunt“ the tits. Dunno.   
 
What next?:
Move to the big city. I feel stifled and isolated in my town. I guess it’s time to move.
Establish a network of supportive people. One can’t transition alone. But how exactly one goes about this? For me, the toughest project of them all.
Seek professional counselling. Wait, did I just say that?! Oh my, I’ve come a long way... 
Research HRT options. If I could jump to HRT today, I probably would. Goodbye body hair. Goodbye Mr. Long&Mighty. Goodbye doubt. Never knew ya.


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#36

One more pic where I'm pushing and squeezing and cheating massively, but hot damn ain't it kinda sexy...Big Grin


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#37

Wow, oki ... that is an amazing transformation from when you first started. Your breasts are beautiful. It appears the WP & RR Extracts really have an impact.
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#38

(04-04-2017, 10:16 PM)Stevenator Wrote:  Wow, oki ... that is an amazing transformation from when you first started. Your breasts are beautiful. It appears the WP & RR Extracts really have an impact.


Wow indeed.  Smile Who needs hrt with your kinds of results oki, congrats.
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#39

Great post Oki!
Its really nice to know your mind and to watch you grow, mentally and physically!
Speaking of that, Lotus hit the nail on the head. Your breasts look fabulous! Who needs HRT when you have grown so much and perfectly.
Great shape!

Bobbi
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#40

re: "there’s no other sane way than to start displaying them casually or even proudly" Smile
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