Warning, this will be a bit of a downer, and probably long.
I need some outside perspective and sanity would be nice, too.
Gripes:
- The girlfriend (lots of posts, but she's unaccepting)
- Budget: "Just Over Broke" - and at what I earn, there's NO excuse!
- Medical: GF needs heart surgery. I've arranged my insurance so it SHOULD work, but still a pressure. (It's to stop her tachtichardia, minor, arthroscopic sort of thing.)
And new events, as I'm trying to sort my $hit?
- GF's daughter!!!
+ practicing Wiccan
+ left her (bad) relationship to live with grandparents
* Promised a job
* Promised College
* promised a room at their home
She's now talking about moving back in - WITH US! (She doesn't want to go back to the BF, at least.)
Grandparents have decided she should be Catholic, won't help her with the job (she was supposedly transferred from up here to down there, but manager is a douche or idiot, and she can't work without a uniform, which "is on backorder." GP won't find another position.)
The girl doesn't drive, so obviously doesn't have license, forget car. BUT - GP's were going to cover her for learning to drive. Except...?
GP's had a "college account" for her. It has $18,000 in there. WTF?
GP's won't take her to the doctor (she has a "female problem" of some sort.)
GP's don't even want her talking to Mom alone. W-T-F....?
So, yeah, she BETTER be thinking of moving back in with us! We have an extra bedroom, she's 20, almost 21, and her mom's surgery is going to happen in January.
Still: I'm not "Out" to the girl. But I feel the pressure, more and more, as everyone here already knows. I'm THE breadwinner. If I lose my job, we're on the street. (See also, the G-D Budget! WTF indeed.)
The GF is opposed to breast growth/transition. My plan was to get her through the heart issues, and then after she recovers, tell her I'm done. Refuse to sign the lease again. I'm tired of taking on her problems and responsibilities, at GREAT personal cost (Bankruptcy, for example).
GF knew my oddities before she moved in a decade ago. Threw out my hormones when we moved... And has been (from her perspective) VERY tolerant... I'm allowed to sleep in a bra, and take herbal supplements "because they don't work." (She's taking Saw Palmetto at my suggestion, and no longer growing facial hair... As much, as fast. And she's not a raging bitch whenever she's awake. But herbs have no effect. Yeah...)
ANYWAY:
I think I've been more than fair, trying to "man up" and help a woman who isn't even my wife.
It's unfortunate the daughter will get burned, but it's not my problem, to my way of thinking.
I'd appreciate either agreement that I've done right, so far, and am justified in telling her we're done; OR, insights on how I can manage the two pieces of this mess, so I can both get on with my life, and still not "throw her out on the street."
She's working at a permanent position now, and if her daughter comes back home, there should be no problems finding work near Beantown.
But even together, they'd be below poverty levels.
Other than controlling the money (what money?), is there anything I could perhaps do better or differently? Or is it time for the ultimatum, and let things fall where they may?
Because I think ultimatum makes more sense...
I didn't want to be married. She knew that. It's a de facto marriage, and while she thinks she's "doing it all" (direct quote), I'm the one paying it all, and still doing laundry, dishes, house cleaning, AND paying for her and her daughter's needs, the car, the rent, etc, etc, etc.
I have all the issues of being single, and all the issues of being married, and the pleasures of neither.
When do we decide to cash it in? How?
-Jean
I need some outside perspective and sanity would be nice, too.
Gripes:
- The girlfriend (lots of posts, but she's unaccepting)
- Budget: "Just Over Broke" - and at what I earn, there's NO excuse!
- Medical: GF needs heart surgery. I've arranged my insurance so it SHOULD work, but still a pressure. (It's to stop her tachtichardia, minor, arthroscopic sort of thing.)
And new events, as I'm trying to sort my $hit?
- GF's daughter!!!
+ practicing Wiccan
+ left her (bad) relationship to live with grandparents
* Promised a job
* Promised College
* promised a room at their home
She's now talking about moving back in - WITH US! (She doesn't want to go back to the BF, at least.)
Grandparents have decided she should be Catholic, won't help her with the job (she was supposedly transferred from up here to down there, but manager is a douche or idiot, and she can't work without a uniform, which "is on backorder." GP won't find another position.)
The girl doesn't drive, so obviously doesn't have license, forget car. BUT - GP's were going to cover her for learning to drive. Except...?
GP's had a "college account" for her. It has $18,000 in there. WTF?
GP's won't take her to the doctor (she has a "female problem" of some sort.)
GP's don't even want her talking to Mom alone. W-T-F....?
So, yeah, she BETTER be thinking of moving back in with us! We have an extra bedroom, she's 20, almost 21, and her mom's surgery is going to happen in January.
Still: I'm not "Out" to the girl. But I feel the pressure, more and more, as everyone here already knows. I'm THE breadwinner. If I lose my job, we're on the street. (See also, the G-D Budget! WTF indeed.)
The GF is opposed to breast growth/transition. My plan was to get her through the heart issues, and then after she recovers, tell her I'm done. Refuse to sign the lease again. I'm tired of taking on her problems and responsibilities, at GREAT personal cost (Bankruptcy, for example).
GF knew my oddities before she moved in a decade ago. Threw out my hormones when we moved... And has been (from her perspective) VERY tolerant... I'm allowed to sleep in a bra, and take herbal supplements "because they don't work." (She's taking Saw Palmetto at my suggestion, and no longer growing facial hair... As much, as fast. And she's not a raging bitch whenever she's awake. But herbs have no effect. Yeah...)
ANYWAY:
I think I've been more than fair, trying to "man up" and help a woman who isn't even my wife.
It's unfortunate the daughter will get burned, but it's not my problem, to my way of thinking.
I'd appreciate either agreement that I've done right, so far, and am justified in telling her we're done; OR, insights on how I can manage the two pieces of this mess, so I can both get on with my life, and still not "throw her out on the street."
She's working at a permanent position now, and if her daughter comes back home, there should be no problems finding work near Beantown.
But even together, they'd be below poverty levels.
Other than controlling the money (what money?), is there anything I could perhaps do better or differently? Or is it time for the ultimatum, and let things fall where they may?
Because I think ultimatum makes more sense...
I didn't want to be married. She knew that. It's a de facto marriage, and while she thinks she's "doing it all" (direct quote), I'm the one paying it all, and still doing laundry, dishes, house cleaning, AND paying for her and her daughter's needs, the car, the rent, etc, etc, etc.
I have all the issues of being single, and all the issues of being married, and the pleasures of neither.
When do we decide to cash it in? How?
-Jean