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I know it's a fetish but can it still seduce me?

#1

Hello All,

New member here who came by this site in a round about way and I think it is seducing me.

I'm 70 years old and I've had a lingerie fetish for as long as I can remember. I mean really as long as I can remember, almost the first thing I can remember. It has been a constant companion to my fantasies and I have indulged in lingerie wearing on and off over the years, and yes the purging as well.

I had one girlfriend early on who was accommodating but I then met my wife who was pretty vanilla and we have been married for over 40 years. I had tried to deny the fetish early on but it was inescapable and I eventually introduced it to my wife who found it quite confronting and its been an ongoing problem ever since. I never got the full acceptance I would have cherished. Move on a decade or two and menopause morphed vanilla indifference into full on asexuality. Our marriage has been sexless for 20 years now.

During that time I continued to dabble alone, on and off, in my fetishes but never much more than lingerie stuffed with chicken fillet enhancers. As an excess energy release a while back I started writing erotic stories on Literotica exploring some appealing scenarios, but again my wife was not interested and has read only one. There is a definite issue there of inhibition and lack of imagination.


Anyway for the last coiple of years I been having prostrate related problems and 18 months ago was prescribed dutasteride and tamsulosin. I believe those drugs affected me both physically and psychologically. I stopped using the meds after 9 months but it is my impression I had started to develop some gynecomastia during that time and it hasn't reduced much over the ensuing 10 months. Even though I stopped the drug treatment I had become rather erotically aroused by the thought of growing boobs at the time and have continued to be ever since. As far as I can tell the growth did not start with breast budding although the nipples were definitely more sensitive in a good way even though the bust filled out a bit. I rate myself as maybe an AA cup size.


My libido came back somewhat after stopping the dutaseride but effective functioning is very hit and miss. For the most part I end my lonely wanks now with just a small ejaculation from a flaccid member. It's not all bad since it has fed into an unrealized sissy fetish that I just wish my partner was willing to take and active part in it.


My wife has ignored the obvious so far and as there is very little physically going on between us nothing is said. We have had talks about the lack of sexuality in our marriage and how it has been hard for me, but all to no effect. She still is not accepting of the fact that my fetishes are not particularly uncommon for a male and on the scale of things quite harmless. She unenthusiastically accepts that I've started to wear panties more frequently as my normal underwear whereas it used to be just an occasional erotica thing.


Until I had my drug induced experience I have always been skeptical of the lotions and supplements business for bust enhancement and thought it unlikely to be of much use even for genetic females, but recently reading about PM I've been having second thoughts and starting to think my wife should have been using it herself for some time.


I've been trying Saw Palmetto recently to help the prostrate problems and I've noticed my nipples have been getting itchy lately. Reading here I'm now very tempted to add a course of PM just to see what happens even thought I doubt there will have much effect. But as others have noted doing that secretly might be a bit of a relationship hazard. I'm also wondering whether maybe there will also be a psychological side effect similar to the dutasteride. A further small breast development would be welcome and I think relatively unnoticeable.


I've added a couple of pics, one from when I first noted the dutasteride effect and again recently after I trimmed the chest hair to see my projection more clearly. The only real change I see myself is perhaps another  inframmary line forming a bit lower than the initial bust development.


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#2

Welcome Wellworn,

As a life-long crossdresser and hard-core fetishist, I can relate. 

I learned many years ago to share my secret, very early, in any new relationship. 
It was always accepted on some level. No one ever broke up with me because of it.
I shared it with my wife before we got married and she totally accepted it, that is, 
for a few years, later, when we got married, she turned on me. Sexless marriage now.

I have drawers and closets full of female clothing but I cannot wear it around her now.
Pretty sure she knows that I party when she is not around. Well, anyway...

I have always had a fetish for feet, shoes and nylons.
Curiously, I was never attracted to breasts (or bras) and hardly paid attention to them,
much to the disappointment of my girlfriends. I always wanted to suck their toes!

My motivation for growing breasts was to fill out my bras.
I always hated to wear fake stuff when cross-dressing.
I didn't like wigs, breast forms, hip pads, etc.
So, I decided to grow my own boobs. 

With my "A" cup boobs, I can fill some of my stretchy bras fairly well. 
I am happy with what I have but if I could, I would go for a "B" or "C" cup.
Just don't want the attention... I'm already getting too much. 

Now, I enjoy my boobs more than I have ever enjoyed any woman's. Crazy!

BTW, herbs are real, herbs work. 
It might take some experimentation to find what works for you but it can work.
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#3

Thanks Karen,

For a long time for me it was mainly about suspenders and stockings (garters and nylons) but it's also been a more general tactile fetish for just as long. I find the feeling of female lingerie on the body comforts my need both physically and emotionally. I've never maintained a large wardrobe but I did have my legs waxed a few times back in my 30's and 40's and enjoyed those sensations immensely, both the waxing and the depilated skin. Unfortunately repeated problems with ingrown hairs made me stop, otherwise I would have loved to have maintained that as a delicious idiosyncrasy. Maybe I should try again now my hair has become finer with age.

Part of my hesitancy about trying PM are the anecdotes about DVT's. For a couple of reasons I take a daily prophylactic NOAC dose now so perhaps I'd be protected from the possibility of a DVT anyway. I'd keep it to the low dose and if it works, it works. The thought of achieving a bust large enough to jiggle just a little is quite hypnotic.
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#4

I surprised myself.   Celebrate  Shy

Not really the New Years Resolution I was expecting to make, but I just bought these 350mg capsules from a local supplier. I expect I'll be in a state of ruined arousal for the next week while I wait for the post.

I intend to start with one each evening for a week (I currently take SP mornings) and if all seems to be good change up to a morning plus evening regime.
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#5

It was always breasts for me. My wife has always known that I wanted implants. Never thought about NBE because I was worried I couldn’t get it up. When my kids went to college I talked with my wife and with her blessing I started the process of getting implants. I wore Breast forms for a long time. Every day every situation, just to make sure it was what I really wanted and could I handle it. I have zero regrets about getting my implants. I feel somehow more complete. My wife thinks I am always happy. She has to tell me to stop touching them. lol. I am 55 a little younger but my feeling is screw anyone who doesn’t like it. It’s my life. Enjoy it and embrace it.
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#6

Being in a continual state of arousal for a couple of days has put a different perspective on things. I've probably wanked myself back to a a slightly more balanced state of mind.

During that time I also felt impelled to epilate my upper chest so I pulled out the old silk-epil and went for it. It may be the endorphin rush I got from that which started the let down off the fantasy ride I was on.

I've gone back and read more on the DVT possibility, but I think that risk is quite low for normal dosages. What started to concern me more were the reported effects of penis and testicle shrinkage. I had these side effects from Dutasteride and they definitely caused me psychological distress. Those problems resolved somewhat after stopping treatment but the thought of going back into a similar state and it potentially being a permanent thing after using sufficient PM to get the desired effect have me worried.

I've also realized the local stuff I order is a low dose compound and not straight PM powder, so it probably wouldn't achieve the desired effect anyway. There don't seem to be any good reports on here about the compound capsules.

My autogynephilia is still active but I need to rethink how I address it. I'll readily admit I'm loving my newly smooth mini boobies, it's just a shame I'm having to do it in secret. The question now is should/will I keep up the epilation? What will be the other half's reaction when she notices what I've been up to?

Probably I should just push the xdressing thing more before I get into irreversible stuff.

Will I be able to resist just popping one or two of the capsules to see if they have any effect?
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#7

Just to confuse things...

I took many combos of herbs over a 20 year span. Years ago, when I was into body building, I took Fenugreek and Saw Palmetto.

Fenugreek is second only to PM. For anyone who is on the herbal path but will not, or cannot, use PM, Fenugreek is my top recommendation.
However, AFAIK, any breast growth that you get with any herbals is permanent whether from PM, FG, Fennel, Red Clover, etc. 
Progress will be slow, so you can stop before it gets out of control.

One of the things that I love about FG is that it makes one's urine smell like maple syrup.
Not only does it smell better, it's like having a built in dosimeter! 
If you take one cap a day for a week or two and there is no smell, you are not taking enough, up the dose until you do.

If someone wanted the benefits of Fenugreek, without the smell (or less smell) Fenugreek blends really well with Fennel and Red Clover.
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#8

Tried to take a pic from my perspective but the projection seems to look less than as I am seeing it. I'm REALLY liking the depilated feel. This is so much a fetish.


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#9

After a little more searching I found the 'compound' in these capsules described as being a mixture with DIM. Opening one of the capsules revealed a medium brown powder with a distinct greenish tint that smelt strongly of broccoli. Looking at descriptions of pure PM caps I'm guessing these ones would be next to useless in active PM content and I ended up throwing them away. (Fetish purging?)

In any case I have found epilating what I have already, satisfying on several levels and a sufficient enough enhancement for me at the moment. I'd love to see them now in a sheer bra but a 40" band with an AA cup seems to be hard to come by. In fact finding ANY small cup on a 40" band seems a challenge. Blush

I've often wondered about having my own cycle of around 6 to 8 weeks. Is this somehow male hormonal? How might one tell other than noticing recurrent peaks of fetishism? During one of my peaks a long time ago I had a massage with a happy ending where the masseuse commented 'Wow! you come like a girl'. Full body orgasms were not unknown to me then and I never needed extra herbals for that, just the right stimulation.
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#10

Try a bra in 38" band size. It should be stretchy enough to fit and the cups are significantly smaller.
You could use an extender if necessary. It will not be perfect, but should be better.

You may have to go for a 38B because an A cup is probably not available.

A sports bra is another option.
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