(14-04-2018, 01:41 AM)gcman01 Wrote: So Katie how has HRT changed your thinking?
Darlene
well I`m an Electronics design engineer and as well as working on projects for others (contract work) I also have
my own projects on the go, some I`v been working on for decades. and One particular problem I`d had with one
project for nearly 30 years that i could never quite work out How it could be done, I actually Solved in less than 5
minutes whilst preparing food in the kitchen!
It wasn`t "Worked out" or calculated or anything hardcore Sciencey, it was more of just a creative Flow, like looking at it from a perspective I never knew existed and it just made sense to me, and I had a feeling like Why did you ever find this complicated?, it`s easy!
My designs have changed too, I`v even had several compliments on my work having a "Flair" and Elegance that others (guys) wished they had. I find I THINK less and FEEL more, it`s like a Flow rather than deliberate effort of distinct calculated steps, you seem to "Know" stuff but not quite sure How and probably couldn`t explain it to someone easily if asked How you arrived at such and such, it`s as much about Art as Science. I make less mistakes now even though my Male type "confidence" is gone, I get nervous and overwhelmed sometimes when I try to understand certain things and sometimes even cry because I don`t "get it" almost like my previous IQ has lowered, But... I have a Lot more patience now than before and will take a break and come back to it, unlike before when it was head down, get stuck in and DO NOT come out until you`ve conquered it (this has seen me locked away for DAYS on end in the past).
it`s as much about instinct/intuition now as it is cold hard maths (Boolean algebra and Machine Code mostly), I`m not Goal driven anymore and it`s not about the results, it`s about me Enjoying the process, and I`m getting more done in less time too, AND I love to have dance music playing while I work (I needed total silence before), a
Sybiotic relationship with a project now rather than something that must be Dominated and Controlled to get an
exact result as if it`s an "enemy" that must be subjugated and a chore to do it, it`s ceratinly less like hard work
Now and more of a dance partner.
I understand what you mean about that foggy headed thing, but because I have no choice but to continue my HRT, I can tell you what happens when you go further (for me anyway), it`s not Actually Fog! it IS the start of this new
way of "thinking" (it`s actually feeling), I found that in the beginning I used to fight this fog, i was used to doing things a certain way (unaware there Was even any other way! LOL) and that lead me to be very unhappy, it was
when i was fighting it that I would get overwhelmed and break down in tears thinking I`d ruined my life coz i
couldn`t do Electronics any more.
So I went into hiding, feeling rather sorry for myself for about 18 months, during which time I focused soley on my transition and very little else, i did no electronic or other engineering work at all, I even considered selling both businesses, besides, i was a girl, why would I want to do stuff like that anyway (I would reason).
Then from almost out of nowhere, I started getting little twinges of excitement when ever I saw a Circuit board, it
might be on Google or TV or whatever, and it was like Eye Candy for me LOL. these started leading to other
thoughts, and I also looked at my list of Stock and getting quite excited about all the cool things I could make
using those chips etc...
it was no longer just Stock held by the business earmarked for future projects that never ever really felt like Mine, Nope, this was like a kid with a huge pad of blank paper and 1000 color box of crayons being told to "have at!" LOL I hadn`t felt this way since I was a little girl going through the radio Shack catalogue! (pre testosterone poisoning).
I felt ownership of this Stock and all the lab equipment, it was all Mine and felt very much like it was some sort of inheritance left by some guy I once knew that passed away.
So I started going into the lab again, and it felt strange at first, as if i was an intruder in someone else place,
I spent many hours in tears just sitting there looking at the stuff and greiving for this guy that once owned it
all, but slowly over a few weeks that feeling began to fade and I felt like I had "Permission" to be there, and an
active desire to Use the stuff, so I did! and that "Fog" became a new way of doing things, something natural and
almost organic and I`d forgotten the Old ways, if i tried to remember them it was hard and awkward and
uncomfortable feeling, almost black and white and grainy, I had no choice now but to "go with the flow" as it was
the only way I know how to now, and it`s an ASSET!!! and not a fog as all, it`s your intuition and it`ll take faith
to trust it and overthinking will only lead to stress because it`s fighting it and not working WITH it!
Did I mention Multi-tasking? that really kicks in eventually too, when i`m at my desk working i`m like a
Pick`n`Place robot on Speed! and it`s effortless and so much fun if you have good music playing!
it`s no longer "Work" it`s a Joy, and I could spend hours and many many more pages trying to explain all the changes and with examples and still miss a load of stuff! overall i`m Much better at what I do now that I ever was before and I wouldn`t ever want to go back.
my advice would be to Don`t fight it, just let it happen, it`s a very Beautiful thing! xx