Here is what the so called "learned" Doctors think my situation could be.
1. I was born cross wired. ( I had while being formed totally formed in uterus, had an incomplete infusion of either male or female hormones. What that would do, is lead to who I am... both female and male qualities.
2. I could of had a minor stroke. There is a particular area of the brain, that controls interactions with other humans, personality traits etc. If this section is interfered with, it could turn a person into a bank robber, anti social, paranoiac or even sexual confusion or sexual predator. Any number of changes in a persons life. There was a whole laundry list of different areas of the brain that could take a hit and not effect motor skills or cognitive abilities that most doctors look for in a stroke patient. Perplexing, right??
3. Or had a liberal upbringing leaned to idolizing females and ingraining in me that I would of rather been female than male.
Now, it's true that my folks brought me up to be very respectful and admire all types of femininity, but I don't think to the point of brainwashing. But to make me be a gentleman towards women. even to the point of old fashioned chivalry.
I completely reject #3, although I consider myself chivalrous in many ways and think I was a knight in a previous life.
I tend to lean towards number 1. I always like soft and velvety things... From undergarments to pajama's. but was programed that I was a boy and some things were just " unbecoming to a boy or man ". How confusing to me that was.
For me, since being on HRT I would say that just enforced the idea that women now a days can wear anything from a sexy, low cut near shearless blouse and a very short skirt, to torn up mens jeans and oversized t-shirt or mens shirt and still thought of as being pretty, or cute or just simply in style.
Why then, if men want to wear a ruffle down the front shirt/blouse and not at a formal or performing on stage is it so dam wrong??? If I want to tout my femininity, who's business is it other than myself?? That is what HRT has done for me... Given me a little more backbone in the matter.
But, then the realization sets in that I , in a lot of cases, have to tone it done , depending if I am with my family or at on of my functions that I attend.... It's maddening at times. So, I just wear things that are unseeable in them situations. A bra with a sloppy shirt and panties. At least I still feel somewhat feminine when I am in that mood.